Naeema (Former Muslim)

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This is a testimony of a Muslim leaving Islam. Views contained in these testimonies are not necessarily endorsed by WikiIslam. See the Testimony Disclaimer for details.
Personal information
Full name Naeema
Country of origin    Withheld
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Gender    Female
Age    20
Influences    Dreams and FaithFreedom International
Other interests    Art, nursing
Faith Information
Current worldview Christianity
Left Islam at age 20
Born or convert to Islam? Born into Islam
Parents' worldview Islam
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Testimony of Leaving Islam

My name is Naeema and this is my long and exhausting story. I was born in 1992. My mother was a Roman Catholic and she left her religion when she married my father and converted to Islam. She became a way more devoted Muslim than he was and he loved her for that. We were raised in an extremely religious family. My father loved us very much and kept us very close. My father ensured that we got Islamic education and made sure we performed all our salaahs. The girls had to always wear hijab even at a very young age and the boys had to where toppies to constantly show we were Muslim. Here in my country, under democracy, there is great freedom of religion. Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus and other beliefs live in harmony. I live in a community filled with all these religions. It was fantastic, we all appreciated each other’s religion and differences.

My father was extremely religious. He had a beard, wore a white kurta almost all his life, went to mosque for all his salaahs, and he was very popular in our community because he was also a doctor. My father was a very open minded man and believed in education for girls. All of his daughters and sons were A grade students, so it made him very happy. In madressa (Islamic school) we would learn the Quran. The creation of Adam and Hawa (eve) and all the other prophets. The birth of Jesus Christ was one of my favourites, and he was my second favourite prophet after Prophet Muhammad. In Islamic history we were taught about Muhammad, his wives, his sahabas and the battles the Muslims fought with the Jewish tribes. I loved him with all my heart because we were taught he was a saintly man. He never hurt anyone, he never got angry, and everyone wanted to be around him all the time. He was exceptionally good to his wives and he only married them out of charity and philanthropy. Islam was a marvellous religion that I wanted to share with the entire world.

The problems in my family began when my father lost his job and became self-employed. My father, who was a teddy bear, then became ill tempered and we would avoid him at days. Though my mother and father loved each other very much, they began to fight to the point of separation, then reconciliation, then separation again. In the end they reconciled. During this period of family turmoil, my grades at school began to drop. Islam in my community is unlike places such as Saudi Arabia or Iran. Muslim women here enjoy lots of freedoms. Though my best girlfriends were Muslim, they sometimes wore normal clothes like everyone else, dresses, jeans, they dyed their hair, had streaks in them, etc. We had fun, but I couldn’t dress like my friends because my father would be extremely upset and I was afraid of upsetting him. Also my friends weren’t as religious (or not at all) as I was, so they went on dates with boys. Though I am very attractive, I would say no to every boy who asked me out, because Allah would punish me for kissing a guy and I was afraid my dad would find out. So I missed out on a lot of fun. Then something began to change in me and showed in my grades in high school. My father would play the translation of the Quran loud early in the morning and in the car when he dropped us off at school. The Quran has always scared me to a point of stifling me in my social life. I'd fast and make salaahs to prevent me from dying and going to hell. It began to affect my entire life. I loved the arts, poetry (absolutely adored reading and writing poetry), painting, sketching and I wanted to be an artist and paint people's visage (I was excellent at this). But Islam doesn’t allow for drawing living things, so I gave up the only skill I had. Instead I decided I would study Nursing. I thought this would make Allah and Muhammad very happy as I would be helping people.

During this time, my feminist views began to arise when I'd look abroad on the internet at the situation of women in other countries. It would break my heart at the amount of women who suffer in this world from poverty, rape, no education, unemployment, etc. All of this affected me deeply. In high school (I attended an Islamic school where boys and girls were separated), during Islamic studies, I began to have problems with my Moulana. He would say things like, "women tempt men into doing evil." And I'd lift up my hand and point out statistics of crimes against women around the world and ask him, "who was more evil?" Obviously he wasn’t very happy. In our school, girls always outperformed the boys and we girls always knew we were smarter and we'd joke about it.

When I matriculated, my problems with my religion began to escalate. In university all the boys and girls in my Islamic school would dress hip and cool but I had to wear a hijab. It began to burden me. I constantly feared the fire of hell, and due to the different classes I had to attend, I’d miss salaahs and go into panic mode. I couldn’t concentrate properly, my grades were falling. I'd make Kathas of the salaahs I'd miss but I was terrified of burning in hell all the time. My friends never seemed to care about these things, they’d just laugh and fool around and tell me to take a chill pill. But everyone is made differently. I couldn’t take a chill pill. I was terrified Allah would burn me in the fire of hell. While they excelled in university, I began failing my classes to the point of expulsion. Soon, due to loss of confidence, I took a year off. During that time, I did volunteer work and helped different women in shelters to prepare me for a my future career. I knew this would make Allah and Muhammad very happy.

I began university again and the same thing happened: the fear, the panic. I failed yet again. My father started battling with his long recurring cancer, but he lost his battle. The man I loved and looked up to, had died. Even after we and other people prayed for him, he still didn’t make it. During this period I became a recluse. I didn’t leave the house, wore a full black hijab all the time, spent time on my musalah making salaah, asking forgiveness for all my sins, and praying for salvation. I knew if I continued like this I'd never have a career and I wouldn’t be able to help people. I saw a psychologist to help me with my social fears, but I hid from her my true phobia: Allah and Muhammad.

I applied at a university that I would be able to study through from the safety of my home. I was happy because I was in a comfort zone; no sin and no missing of prayers (by now I had no friends and I was very lonely). My studies required me to do a lot of internet searching. One of my psychology projects was a hypothesis on a girl by the name of Joan of Arc. She was a Catholic girl who was martyred on the stake. This opened up the story of the witch hunts that stormed through Europe during the Middle Ages. I was appalled when I read the torching, the murder and the burning alive of women at stakes. I was shocked. I cried reading these stories. They said up to 9 million women during a period of 300 years were hunted down and burnt alive. How could this be Christianity? I always viewed Christians as humanistic, not barbaric. How could they kill the mothers of the earth, the daughters, the sisters? I went to my musala and prayed to Allah for three days for the peace and salvation of these women’s souls. I thought Islam would never tolerate such slaughter and injustice.

This all made me a radical feminist. I was determined to get to the bottom of this. While surfing the internet I discovered the true plight of women in Islamic countries. I discovered how women in Saudi Arabia were not given the right to vote while women of all the other nations of the world had fought hard and won the right to vote. They were not allowed to drive, move around with freedom, or get employment in some fields of work. It was every bit like apartheid in South Africa. And the women in Afghanistan were treated even worse. I learned about human trafficking, especially sex trafficking of women and girls. Places like Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Iran, Iraq, etc., were top of the list of the worst offenders. I knew that there was something wrong. When I presented the information to my elder sister and my mother, to my shock, they reacted coldly. My sister responded with 'It’s also happening in America'. I was confused. What does the information I was telling them about Saudi Arabia have to do with America?

Suddenly it was the reaction I was getting from most Muslims I presented the information to. A cold shoulder, turning of a blind eye, deflecting the subject onto America and the rest of the world. When surfing the internet, I found different churches around the world, especially in AMERICA, doing their bid to end human trafficking. My past abhorrence towards the Christian church softened (but I hadn’t yet forgiven them about the witch hunts). I too decided to help gain awareness about human trafficking by creating pamphlets and distributing it at the headquarters of my university. The reaction I got from the people my mother calls Kaaffirs (an insulting word for non-believers) was entirely generous in comparison to the reaction I got from her and my sister. They asked questions and probed into what they could do to help.

One day my sister and Mother were discussing a hadith they read. I was shocked at the contents; “Women are the majority occupants of hell.” This was a hadith that came out of Prophet Muhammad’s mouth. I was shocked, hurt, and confused. I decided to do research on the internet. It was filled with Islamic apologists trying to get around the hadith. Trying to make excuses for it. Or trying to soften its insulting nature. Suddenly a new world opened, filled with more filthy, insulting hadiths. Hadiths about the household of Prophet Muhammad, about his wives, about his battles. Hadiths about rape of female war captives. About slavery. Hadiths about the stoning to death of adulterous people. I just immediately thought: what barbaric torture! This is just like the witch hunts! My heart was crushed, to believe Islam would tolerate a torture of an individual. Why not put a person to death quickly rather then slowly? I literally went into SHOCK. This was not the Islam I grew up with. The prophet I was taught about was a saint. He wasn’t a slave owner or trader, even saying such a thing made me shudder. I was afraid the more I read, I would be accused by Allah of blasphemy against the Prophet Muhammad. But every time I was away from these hadiths, I had a burning desire to get to the bottom of it. I couldn’t sleep. I lost my appetite. I was tossing and turning. When I made my mother read some of the hadiths, she became angry and told me not to trust the internet. She blamed it on America and Jews! I wasn’t naive like my mother and sister. I needed to know the truth, and once again, Allah and Muhammad were interfering with my studies!

I became so mixed into the delirium of these Hadiths that I spent a lot of money purchasing Hadith books trying to get around the shocking hadiths I was reading. The most hurtful were the ones about women, female war captives, slave girls, and the stoning of adulterous women. One day I received an email from an activist sight; it was a petition to prevent a certain women living in Sudan from getting stoned to death for adultery. I say this with much shame. I was reluctant to put my name on the petition because I felt, if Allah decreed stoning to death how could I stand against it? So I didn’t place my name. For weeks it troubled me that I turned a blind eye on such torture! I was no different to my mother and sister. One day I braved myself to read an article on stoning to death and the procedure, as a punishment for what I’d done. I’ll never forget this for the rest of my life! I sat in front of my laptop reading. The description given of a certain women who was brutally and slowly stoned to death was so horrendous, unjust and cruel. The stoning took about two hours because the victim wouldn’t die. Finally they saw fit just to shoot her in the head so she could be dead. The coldness that engulfed me that day was like no other. I looked at Islam's rule of polygamy for men, yet women are not given any alternative. I saw nothing but injustice.

Now here I will explain the phenomena that ensued right after I read the article. It was afternoonish when I read the article. Outside, the sky was orange and with this very shock and tears, I went to lie down on my bed. I fell asleep immediately, but before I fell asleep, I said the following words to myself (and I will never forget): ALLAH I HATE YOU! This statement I made is huge! If a Muslim says such a thing it means you are out of the fold of Islam. So you can imagine...

When I fell asleep I had a dream (I have to explain to you, I am one of those people who almost never remembers their dreams but this dream was as clear as day and the colour of the sky was exactly the same in my dream). In the dream I was in a certain place with many Muslims, but then I was taken aside by an unknown person. This man (I presume, I couldn’t identify him) told me that GOD DIDN’T PERMIT SUCH A THING. I assumed he was talking about the stoning. He told me to read the Quran and I’ll see what he means. He thereafter told me to tell more Muslims about this. When I awoke from the dream, I immediately told my mother about it. I explained to her the article I read about stoning to death and how the dream told me to tell Muslims not to stone people to death! My mother dismissed the dream as an afternoon dream and that I shouldn’t read too much into. But the dream was too poignant. I couldn’t let it go. I remembered what the unknown man told me: “READ THE QURAN.” I realised I’ve never on my own attempted reading the English translation of the Quran. So my long Journey began.

Now I was looking for respite. There had to be an explanation to those hadiths. They had to be false because Islam is the religion of peace and kindness! I began researching the beginning of Islam. I found out about different sects of Islam. One particular sect are the Quranist. This sect completely disapproves of hadiths. They call the hadiths a “conspiracy” against Islam. Finally I got the answer I was looking for; the hadiths are not authentic! The only authentic book is the Quran. Thank Allah! Now I could ask his forgiveness for my doubts and live my life as a Quranist. I WAS SO EXCITED! I realised it was the dream that led me to the True Islam! Because nowhere in the Quran is there anything about stoning to death. I literally felt like a chosen one. I signed every petition on the internet against stoning to death. I HAD TO PUT AN END TO THE PRACTICE, IT IS BARBARIC! I brought the idea forward to my family about the filthy hadiths that insult the prophet and how we should reject the hadiths that do not correspond with Quran. They all turned against me! My mother accused me of being a kaafir. My sister said, "well how can you believe only in the Quran? How will you know how to perform wuthu (ablution), methods of how to make Salah?" I was well prepared for all these questions. I simply told them if the Quran doesn’t provide a method, then there is no method. It was a terrible answer, but I realized I was trying to convince myself more than them. Confusion consumed me. That pressing dream never made sense. I now felt like that dream was from Shaytaan to confuse me! Suddenly I was back into the darkness I thought I climbed out of.

Al- Nisa- The Women

It was time to confront the different hadiths one more time. Time to read the entire Quran in English. I prayed to Allah to lead me to the truth, to give me a true dream. To my despair, worse was to come. Islamic history, the battles I was taught were exceptionally noble, heroic and only for defence and injustice. They left out the in between. They left out the distributing of female war captives to the Muslim man. When I asked a moulana about this, he said it was so the women who lost their husbands wouldn’t be left destitute. I thought that was very kind and noble but then there is the passage in the Quran that said even if the captive women were married (Surah 4: 24) you were allowed to have sex with them. Doesn’t that completely abrogate the nobility of it? Wouldn’t this be rape? He gave another excuse that was illogical, because he said: the war captives were first to be ransomed. So why didn’t they ransom the married women to their husbands? When I read the Hadiths about coittus-interruptus (pulling out before ejaculation) done to the female war captives, my blood kirtled. It felt like all the blood in my body drained! Nothing was making sense. Then there were passages in the Quran about wife beating (Surah 4: v.34) and (Surah 38: v. 44) that we were never taught about. And the loads of hadiths that support wife beating. Then of course the stoning of adulterous people. Allah gives men an opportunity to escape adultery and not get stoned to death, by providing them with polygamy and slave girls (that which your right hand possess) but he didn’t give women any form of escape. Then I began to realize it was virtually impossible for a man to commit adultery because Allah has given men so many different avenues yet he hasn’t given women a single one.

There’s the shocking 'satanic verses'; of Allah having daughters who were the Pagan goddesses and whose intercessions we should be hopeful for. But then the verse isn’t only abrogated but removed entirely and replaced with something offensive towards females. Then there was the exchanging of wives for another passage (Surah 4: v.20) which seems so cruel and pathetic. Is this the value Islam places on women, that you can exchange her like you exchange an item? There’s the three talaaqs, yet a women has to go through court systems to issue talaq. Is this the value Islam places on marriage? Then the shocking passage where Prophet Muhammad marries his adopted son’s wife after Allah causes them to divorce because of what Prophet Muhammad was hiding in his heart for her (Surah 33: v. 37-38). How is this passage relevant for piety and bringing us close to Allah or any good for humanity? And I thought Allah hated divorce??? And what happened to Moses’ commandment: ‘You shall not covet your neighbour’s wife’??? I read commentary on the passage and it said that Islam wanted to abolish the pagan practice of ADOPTION. Can you believe such a thing?!! Something as kind as adopting a child, giving a child a home and family name is considered sinful in Allah’s eyes and he needed to abolish it????

Then there is the passage where Allah threatens the wives of Prophet Muhammad by telling them he'll do to them what he did to the wife of Noah and the wife of Lot (Surah 66: v. 10). The passage where Allah tells the prophet's wives not to remarry after his death and to stay celibate until they die. How difficult! Allah tells them not to leave the house, not to talk in a certain way. Allah tells the believers not to marry them (Surah 33: v.53). When they're in contact with anyone of them, it should be done behind a veil. Allah further threatens them by telling them if they don’t follow these rules they will receive double punishment than a normal person. Allah tells them it’s because he wants to purify them. Why? And from what? Are they dirty? Do they have a contagious disease? It seems that way. This isn’t purification, this is suffocation! If the prophet’s wives loved him and longed for him, why these constant threats made to them by Allah, to stay faithful to him after his death? Why did Allah say that none of the believers should marry them? They are called the mother of the believers (33: 6), yet Allah fails to mention their names as to who specifically are these mothers of the believers. It’s now obvious that this ‘mother of the believers’ term only applied to those sahabas of that time, to prevent the Muslim man from marrying Muhammad’s widows. How cruel!

Then the hadiths about the prophet’s household began to make sense . His wives were constantly jealous and fighting with each other. Even when the prophet was very ill and near death, they were fighting with each other. Are these women supposed to be my role models, when they can’t even keep themselves composed while a man who happens to be their husband (unfortunately) is dying? Islam is the religion that brings peace of mind? Where is the prophet’s wives peace of mind???? His wives were so unhappy with him that they once formed alliances against him, only to have Allah side with their mentally and emotionally abusive husband. It says that Allah told them he will replace them in their stead with more submissive virgins and widows (Surah66: v.4). Dear G-d! Is this what our prophet wanted in life? Men’s widows and virgins???? And if the prophet can’t maintain peace in his own household, how can he maintain peace in the world? I see NO LOVE in the prophet’s household! None what so ever! Polygamy is a recipe of Disaster! The prophet is a living testament of this! The fact that they lied to us in school about the age of Aisha, saying she was betrothed to the prophet at 12 and the marriage was consummated at 18. When the true age was 6 years and then 9. Why did they lie? Were they ashamed? A man of 54 sleeping with a 9 year old child? Yes! It is something to be extremely ashamed of! The fact that they lied that Prophet Muhammad had 13 wives when the true number is up to a whopping 25 different women. The Quran seems to agree with the Prophet’s relations with many women when it says; any woman that gives herself off to the prophet is lawful for him???? (33:50) Dear G-d! Then there was the truth about the widows the Prophet married. I was told they were old and destitute. Boy was I shocked when I found out they were girls my age; 17, 20, 21 year old Jewish girls whose husbands or fiancés were slaughtered in battles against the Muslim army. He was in his late 50’s or he was 60-something when he acquired them from the war Booty or raids and kept them as wives or concubines. Who was this Muhammad man? I don’t recognize him! What did he want? My heart cries out for these women. By this point my Iman crashed and burnt. I wasn’t just shocked; I was hurt, appalled and disgusted!


Finally I could tackle the Quran critically without holding back, because I smelt a rat! The ayahs about jihad were very cruel. Allah told Muslims not to take Christians and Jews as helpers and friends, but these very Christian and Jews in the 21st century are the philanthropists helping victims of human trafficking to find their way home while Muslims turn a blind eye! By now I was beyond angry! Then there was the way Islam spread, with the sword. Islam turned women’s bodies into sex factories for men (capturing women during raids and taking them as booty), so they can get pleasure and populate the world with Muslim children. Islam did this in India; Islam did this in Iran (Persia), Syria, Sudan, Egypt, Morocco, Turkey. The Arab slave trade horrified me. The abducting and selling of women openly on stands in market places. The Ottoman Empire would murder Christian families and abduct their daughters and sell them into their sex houses (harems). This prompted the Crusades. Imagine these girls were you or your daughter. After her family has been massacred, she is sold and transferred miles away into a new reality. If there is a G-d, and if he is Good and Holy, the perpetrators of such trades and those who turn a blind eye to it will meet their justice on the day of resurrection.

The prophet’s household is made up of the Ahl al Bayt. His entire family. From wives to daughters and in-laws which include his four favourite sahabas whose daughters he married. Prophet Muhammad asked Allah to bless the people of his house and to keep them pure. After he was poisoned and died, his beloved Ahl al Bayt turned with swords against each other. Umar was assassinated by his slave. Uthman was assassinated either by Aisha (the prophet's wife) or her people or by Ali or his people. These accusations prompted Ali and Aisha to go to battle with each other (the battle of the camel). A battle that resulted in 13,000 Muslim lives. Ali and Muaawiyah (prophet,s brother in law) went into battle (the battle of Siffin), resulting in about 70,000 Muslims dead! Land was plundered, women were raped! Yazid (Muawiyah's son) murdered Husayn (Ali's son, the prophet’s grandson). Once again, lots of lives were lost and women were enslaved and raped! Till today, in places like Syria and Pakistan; Sunnis and Shias are still murdering each other. Because of the “excellent” examples given to them by the AhlilSunnahWalJamah. There is a verse in the Quran that states:

“And whoever kills a believer (muslim) intentionally his recompense is Hell to abide therein.” (Surah 4:93) So can we make the assumption that the prophet’s Ahl al byt are swimming in Hell???

Islam made the sexual enslavement of women during any form of jihad legal from now to the end of time (that which your right hand possesses (4:24)). This verse was never abrogated. This indicates Allah intends for Jihad to be perpetual. What was I going to do with this reality, with this cruelty, with this indecency? Could I still refer to the Great Being Allah as Most Gracious, Most Merciful? And to Islam as the Religion of Peace or the Religion that brings Peace? Never! I denounced the Islamic Prophet. He was a false prophet! But I had no blatant evidence against him. I exhaustedly looked back at the Islamic History I had uncovered and saw NO LOVE, NO PEACE, NO KINDNESS, NO HUMANITY, but ONLY a river of blood and anarchy flowing with the lives of so many innocent! For a while I wondered around. I literally felt suicidal! What was I to do? Become atheist? Believe there is no G-d, no justice for the oppressed, for victims of rape in the afterlife? If Allah was real, I wanted to have nothing to do with Him. I didn’t care if he burnt me for eternity in the fire of hell (I said this to myself while I shivered with fear). I'd rather spend eternity in hell with victims of war, than with warmongers and rapists in Allah's paradise.

Isa Bin Maryam

I was skimming over my old madressa text books that I was about to throw away, and I was looking back at the years when I was a small girl, young and innocent, and how it was fun growing up learning and singing the names of the prophets of G-d. How he was the loving companionate being in the sky! There was one prophet who I still had a favourable memory of, that was prophet Isa (Jesus). I understood that he was the prophet responsible for the Christian faith (which I was appalled with), but still, I was longing, sorry thirsting for a God to praise, for a God to ask for salvation, for a God I could do unhypocritical good for. I wondered why the Christians called him the son of God. I thought they oviously made a mistake. But I was still the same curious girl who wanted to get to the bottom of things. Because I denounced Muhammad and I wasn’t going to let an old man who married a 6 year old girl tell me what to do, I decided I would read the Bible. I remembered my mother had kept an old Bible somewhere in her closet. I used the internet to guide me on how to use the Bible. The titles of the Bible were very foreign to me. Old Testament, New Testament, Gospel, Psalms, Proverbs. It was weird. But the internet source said I should start with the New Testament first, particularly the Gospels. I knew now that the Injeel the Quran talks about is the Gospels. I liked the language of the Gospels, there was no threatening of burning people in hell. I realized it was like a biography of Jesus Christ, the 'Son of God’, much like the Hadiths of Prophet Muhammad. Except the Gospels seemed very holy and poetic while the Hadiths are filled with blood and lust. The character of Jesus Christ was a laugh. He was way to pure and innocent (by now I was cynical of all the prophets of God). I wasn’t going to fall for it. I thought it was another one of religion’s lies. But something about the Gospels made me hungry to read more. Jesus Christ’s character is very nonchalant. He's like some kind of Buddha. He constantly referred to God as a father of those who believe in him. Jesus is exceptionally intelligent. For example, He constantly answers a question with a question.

They ask him 'Who are you?' He replies,
'Who do you say I am?'
'Please show us the Father.' He replies,
'Have you been with me so long Phillip yet you don’t recognize me?'

Ha! He's Awesome! Aside from the miracles he performs, his speech is imposing! He constantly uses figurative speech, makes use of illustrations and parables, talks in riddles, leaves his persecutors confounded with questions. He tells people things about themselves that he couldn’t possibly have known. He never threatens, he only loves and forgives. Once in the Gospel of John, guards were sent by the Pharisees to arrest him, but Jesus never retaliated, he just answered them back eloquently. When they were asked why they didn’t arrest him, one of the guards answered, “No man has ever spoken like this man.” (John 7:46) You can say that again! Suddenly I began to give into the idea that this man could be divine? He was way too pure and wise to be human. Especially in comparison to the Islamic Prophet’s 7th century, illogical and superstitious mentality. Jesus Christ was born 600 years before him, but seems to speak with eloquence, intelligence, authority and righteousness. How then can the Quran say Jesus was no different to the other prophets? I smell a rat!

The content of the Gospels seems to resonate with kindness, compassion, justice and humanity. Jesus stays nonchalant and composed when he is confronted. He never gets angry, always evading the high priests or the Romans with kind words. Never insulting. Never speaking about himself, always speaking about salvation and about doing the will of the being who sent him. He never owned slaves, or enslaved any women, never handled a sword. Always spending his day around sick people or outcast. Unlike some of the prophets of the Old Testament who engaged in war, Jesus is flawless! Among the names given to him are; Son of Man, Prince of Peace, Man of Sorrows. Why? I'm confused. Who is this man who tells people to "Love thy neighbour as yourself," and to "pray for those who persecute you"? Why does he speak of a commandment of "Loving the Father with all your heart"? I never Loved Allah. I always feared him. He never gave me a chance to love him. By now I was in tears! All the frustration, the loss and the failures of all the years came gushing out. Suddenly the G-d of the Gospels and the G-d of the Quran split. One seemed like a G-d of Fire and War and the other a G-d of Love and Mercy. The one was promising hell fire, while the other was promising salvation.

One thing I noticed while reading the Gospels is Jesus Christ seems to be constantly intimating that he will sacrifice himself for his people. This is something Islam rejects entirely. I begin to realize that this sacrifice seems to be very in par with his character. What doesn’t seem to be in par with his HONEST AND RIGHTEOUS character is him allowing someone else to die in his place. This almost turns him into a coward! Was the Jesus Christ of the Gospels a coward that would allow someone else to die in his place because of the village’s anger over HIM? Ha! I denounce Allah, Muhammad’s imaginary god.

Grace and Truth

I was in awe of the Gospels. With the kindness and love of Jesus Christ. LOVE. Something that was missing in my heart and my life, I finally found it with Jesus. It was when I read the following account in the Gospels, that I finally realised whom it was in the dream that was calling me. A certain women found in the act of adultrey was brought before Jesus. The Law of Moses required such a person to be stoned to death. But the Grace and Wisdom given to Jesus saw the situation for what it was. A women defeated by circumstance. This, Jesus realized and he told her accusers, “Let him without sin cast the first stone.” We, like the woman, are all sinners if judged by the Law of Moses. And if you say that you're not a sinner, you’ve already sinned because you’ve spoken a lie! So then, who are we to throw stones? To judge? As though we are G-d! This called to mind the day I refused to sign the petition to prevent the Sudanese women from being stoned to death. I judged her with a law when I should’ve used my heart. We will never know her circumstance, if she was a victim of rape, or a victim of prostitution, out of desperation to feed her family or maybe she was just a victim of the passion that most of us are. We will never know because the Law doesn’t allow us to consider all of this. The Law is rigid, there’s no room for compromise, but through the Grace and Truth given to Jesus Christ we are able to see the benefit of the doubt and forgive and repent and change our ways. Islam abolished the Grace of Jesus Christ, that’s why no good came out of Islam. Islam's million and one laws harden the heart. That’s why the prophet's family members murdered each other and continue to murder each other.

It is unbelievable that G-d, who in His infinite Wisdom sent down the Prince of Peace (Jesus) after the violent descriptions in the Old Testament, would break his chain of Love, Grace, Justice and Peace by sending Muhammed who in the Quran prescribes violence, enslavement, polygamy, injustice, wife beating, rape, war. But if G-d did such a thing, He cannot be G-d but Satan himself.

If my argument isn’t convincing enough then test my claims. Look at the life and example of Jesus Christ and his disciples vs. the life and example given by the Islamic Prophet and his sahabas (disciples):

Jesus gave his disciples a final commandment: 'Love one another as I have loved you. That you also love one another. By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. (John 13:34)

The next day he instructed them to go look for swords before a mob was coming to get him. They brought back three swords. (He was trying to teach them a final lesson). When the soldiers were about to lay hands on Jesus, Peter out of fear and passion stepped forward and cut the soldier on the ear. Jesus said. 'Enough of this... those who live by the sword will die by the sword.' (Matthew) Thus they fled and allowed Jesus to be taken by the mob. The lesson was that none of them should spread the Gospel with a sword. The results of this can be seen in the disciple's lives. 11 of the 12 disciples were martyred for preaching the Gospel (how noble!). They didn’t murder anyone. They never enslaved or widowed any women or orphaned any children. They didn’t prescribe any form of force or violence. Instead, when they were martyred, they prayed that G-d forgive their persecutors, just like their teacher; Jesus did this on the Cross.

Muhammad said: 'my sahabas (disciples) are like shining stars anyone who follows them will never be led astray. - Ibn Umar and AbdIbnHumayd. (pg. 193 #1027)

The first four of Prophet Muhammad’s disciples were assassinated with an exception of Abu Bakr (don’t know how he died) by their own Muslim brethren. Ali and Aisha went to battle with each other (the prophet’s own wife and his own cousin); in this battle many sahabas murdered each other. Ali and Muaawiyah (the prophets brother in-law) went to battle with each other. Ali got his head chopped off by a gang of Muslims (Kharijites) while he was praying. Muyawiyah's son murded the prophet’s grandson Husayn. And I don’t want to even get into the Twelve imams (Shias) who were poisoned by the Califahs. And so began Islam’s bloody history. Yazid and his Father Muawiyah's army raped and enslaved lots of women in Mecca. Even today, Muslims curse the two of them (Muawiyyah was one of the disciples who helped to transcribe the Quran because Prophet Muhammad was apparently an unlettered man.) (Imagine a mass rapist helped transcribe the Quran, very scary! Didn’t these people fear their deity Allah?) Is this what Allah wants the world to look like for his name sake? That even families should murder each other for him? But finally the greatest shove for me to leave Islam was when I watched a YouTube video of a Sheikh explaining to us, with evidence from the hadith and Quran, how and why Aisha (Muhammad’s poor child bride) poisoned him. Can’t say I was surprised, though I was extremely exhausted! Right that very moment, I closed my eyes and thanked G-d for releasing me from this yoke called Islam that’s filled with anarchy, lies and cover-ups. And we all know who’s the father of lies.

From the above example, it is obvious that the G-d that sent down Jesus could not have sent Prophet Muhammad. I’m convinced Muhammad was demon possessed. Not to sound superstitious, but the evil that came out of Islam can only be attributed to Satan. Muhammad cleverly disguised Allah as the G-d of Abraham in order to give him some form of authority, but he did a terrible job of covering up his tracks. He or the Muslims after him replaced Jesus as the saviour and gave the Islamic prophet the position. Muhammad turned our beloved Jesus, the lamb of G-d, into a coward to give himself credibility. The Gospels have a passage about Muhammad’s anti-crucifixion claim. When Jesus finally disclosed to his Disciples why he was sent down to earth: that he was going to Jerusalem to suffer, die, and be raised to life. Peter, one of his disciples, objected (Satan was speaking through him). This objection prompted our Beloved Christ to use really harsh words towards Peter, when he said to him: “Get behind me, Satan!” (Matthew 16:23). Islam, like the incident with Peter which prompted Jesus to call him Satan, objects to the crucifixion. Enough said. I used to be anxious every time it came to performing my five daily prayers. I was constantly fearful that if I missed one I’d miss the wheel wagon into paradise. Hence praying to Allah became a burden. It’s funny now, all that fear has melted away. Instead of approaching prayer with fear, I actually yearn to pray to G-d now. To read the Gospels (such a comforting read) and the book of Psalms every single night without fail. I guess this is what Jesus meant when he said “Love your God with all your heart and soul” and “Perfect love casts out all fear.” Jesus is one of the greatest moral teaches in the history of humanity. The Sermon on the Mount is very difficult to live by; almost impossible, but it gives me comfort to know that G-d wants us to strive for goodness, kindness, peace and charity in order to reach a utopia.


I've been wandering restless, anxious, fearful and blind for 20 years of my life, and I say this with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. I realize that G-d created people differently. Some of us are companionate while others are not so much. Some of us are Gandhi’s at heart, yet some of us have the rage of Hitler in our souls. Every day I pray more Muslims find the Gospel of Jesus Christ, especially those women, children, men suffering under Islam's unjust, mentally exhausting, superstitious, oppressive, disruptive, intellectually stifling, hypocritical doctrine and chains. Even if they don’t accept the Gospel, they should at least know the Truth. It’s every human beings right to know the Truth and not to be fed lies! I used to be a believer in Allah’s hell fire but only because he said it was created for the bad things we do. When I found out what the Prophet of Islam did in his life time, and I read that he would be the first person to enter paradise and his sahabas with him, with all the deeds they committed (widowing, orphaning, enslaving, murdering each other etc.), and the bad examples they set, and the billions (and I mean billions) of lives they've disrupted, hurt! I knew Islam was false! I found the courage to reach out to people like myself. I found Hope, then I left. When I told my mother that I left Islam and that Jesus died on the cross for ALL of humanity who are created by G-d Almighty, she hit me really hard. This was very embarrassing because I'm a grown girl and she has never reacted to me like that before. But I understand that something which you were told was true all your life and you wake up and realize it's a lie is very scary but still I will pray for her and my entire family. I myself am still battling with the shock I’ve experienced, but I pray every day that G-d help detox Islam out of my system. So, no more being a recluse for me, no more sitting at home counting beads on my prayer mat like the prophet’s (poor) widows. Jesus said GET OUT there and Love thy neighbour. And we don’t want to disappoint Mr Christ, now do we? ;-)

Thank You's

Mr Ali Sina. Thank you for your website. It has been part of the courage I gained to leave Islam. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Mr Ali Sina and the thousands more like yourself who believe in Humanity. Thank you to all belief systems that believe in humanity.

But for me, With Jesus Christ I'm finally home!

PS. Sorry for such a long Testimony. If I didn’t share it I would’ve burst! You can shorten it for your website but please don’t let my testimony be in vain. But truly the Testimony was for you Mr. Ali to show you my gratitude. I know your work will be rewarded by G-d. And I pray for your safety. There is so much in betweens I’ve left out but I feel I’ve said enough. And I didn’t mean to come across as blasphemous in any way so forgive me.

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