Neea (former Muslim)

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This is a testimony of a Muslim leaving Islam. Views contained in these testimonies are not necessarily endorsed by WikiIslam. See the Testimony Disclaimer for details.
Personal information
Country of origin    Sweden
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Country of
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Gender    Female
Age    18
Other interests    Metal music, Psychology, History, Krav Maga, English, Russian
Faith Information
Current worldview Atheist
Left Islam at age 13
Born or convert to Islam? Born into Islam
Parents' worldview Islam
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Testimony of Leaving Islam

Basically my life began as a Muslimah when I was born, obviously I had no alternative choice nor knowledge of any other so I was introduced to Islam by my parents. My mother passed away while I was still very young and so I've been raised most of my life by my father. My whole childhood I was taught nothing but lies and useless crap about Islam, Allah and his messenger which raises indescribable rage inside of me as I am the type of a person who lusts for knowledge and shivers from disgust when the bizarre teachings of the Qur'an are mentioned.

The infamous niqab was introduced to me at the age of 6, just before I went to school and my God how I found it displeasing. The very first day in school was horrible, embarrassed as I was the only child wearing one at the time in my class and so naturally I was continuously picked on but NOT just by non-Muslims but Muslim boys as well whom I found to my surprise being much more aggressive towards me. "Din mamma är en kuksugande hora" they would yell at me (An insult which has to do with my mother), knowing that I had lost my mother just a few years back which ofcourse tore me to pieces. In classes I was in tremendous stress because of the bullies, not to mention the headaches and the difficulties I had to breath with that clothing surrounding me. I often did remove my niqab during class to ease my agony but always placed it back before I left in fear of my father's response.

Nevertheless, I managed to last till Junior High School where I found people to be more respectful which was of course like a dream come true. It didn't take long till the western influence began to shake my very basic definitions of what is right and wrong. I felt sickened re-reading the verses from Qur'an such as 9:5 after my new values had taken place in the very core of my heart, I sought advice from my father which I found to be a futile and an unsatisfying attempt, words like "Allah knows best" babbled from between his lips. It was then when I took matters into my own hands, spending my time browsing the internet and reading the hadiths such as Sahih bukhari and Muslim online. One of the major factors that influenced my ultimate conclusion was, that I was in love. It was bad enough that the person was a non-Muslim but that the person was a she instead of a he and I knew what the Qur'an said about that subject. "What kind of a God would deny me love?" I often asked myself during my sleepless nights, it was during those times that I had the privacy to think for myself in the quiet when I put the pieces back into the puzzle.

In the morning I met my father over at the table and proudly confessed the truth on how I felt. Surprise surprise! The reaction that I had hoped from my father was drastically different than what I had heard about other teens' fathers. I actually liked my father at that time, I just thought he was more strict than others and actually cared for me. He burst into a storm of cursing in his frightening rage, he even threatened to kill me if I didn't change my mind. Unfortunately for me, I lived in Malmö; a region in Sweden that is heavily populated by Muslims and in that kind of a neighborhood news like that spread fast. I began to receive threats from other Muslims, mostly teenagers but adults as well. I swear I've never been that frightened before in my life. It is one of those images that'll never slip away from my mind.

Eventually I sought refuge from the local police station where they didn't really take me seriously, fortunately I kicked and screamed and cried till they decided to put in a further investigation although they couldn't find any considerable evidence. So they held me at the station for a week before they could arrange a transportation to my aunt in Finland from my mother's side of the family. Fortunately she wasn't too fond of Islam herself and was kind enough to take me in to her care. Since then I've begun to live free from fear of Islam with my aunt, her husband and my adorable baby cousin whom I love really really much (she's like the cutest thing ever!). Also, just in case I began to practice Krav Maga which has really became an obsession to me now and helps me with my self-confidence as well.

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