1,399
edits
1234567
Joined 25 April 2012
→Jealousy
| Line 69: | Line 69: | ||
But being the favourite was no substitute for the security enjoyed by an only wife. Aisha was jealous of Khadijah (whom she had never met). She complained: “Khadijah is always on your mind, and you speak as if she were the only woman in the world! Why do you still think of that toothless old woman who is long dead, when Allah has given you someone better to replace her?” Muhammad retorted, “No, I have never had a better wife than Khadijah!”<ref>{{Bukhari|5|58|164}}; {{Bukhari|5|58|165}}; {{Bukhari|5|58|166}}; {{Bukhari|5|58|168}}; {{Bukhari|7|62|156}}; {{Bukhari|8|73|33}}; {{Bukhari|9|93|576}}; {{Muslim|31|5971}}; {{Muslim|31|5972}}; {{Muslim|31|5974}}; {{Muslim|31|5976}}.</ref> Perhaps Aisha would not have minded about Khadijah if she had been less tormented by living rivals. Muhammad kept acquiring new women, and by March 630 he had eleven legal wives plus two official concubines. At one stage he announced a special revelation from Allah that he must not marry any more women “no matter how beautiful they are.”<ref>{{Quran||}}.</ref> Historians have found it difficult to date this particular ''ayat'' because there was no significant period (in Medina) when Muhammad stopped marrying. But the revelation is of no great importance for, as Aisha sadly reported, “It was abrogated.”<ref>REFERENCE MISSING</ref> | But being the favourite was no substitute for the security enjoyed by an only wife. Aisha was jealous of Khadijah (whom she had never met). She complained: “Khadijah is always on your mind, and you speak as if she were the only woman in the world! Why do you still think of that toothless old woman who is long dead, when Allah has given you someone better to replace her?” Muhammad retorted, “No, I have never had a better wife than Khadijah!”<ref>{{Bukhari|5|58|164}}; {{Bukhari|5|58|165}}; {{Bukhari|5|58|166}}; {{Bukhari|5|58|168}}; {{Bukhari|7|62|156}}; {{Bukhari|8|73|33}}; {{Bukhari|9|93|576}}; {{Muslim|31|5971}}; {{Muslim|31|5972}}; {{Muslim|31|5974}}; {{Muslim|31|5976}}.</ref> Perhaps Aisha would not have minded about Khadijah if she had been less tormented by living rivals. Muhammad kept acquiring new women, and by March 630 he had eleven legal wives plus two official concubines. At one stage he announced a special revelation from Allah that he must not marry any more women “no matter how beautiful they are.”<ref>{{Quran||}}.</ref> Historians have found it difficult to date this particular ''ayat'' because there was no significant period (in Medina) when Muhammad stopped marrying. But the revelation is of no great importance for, as Aisha sadly reported, “It was abrogated.”<ref>REFERENCE MISSING</ref> | ||
Muhammad set up an orderly roster so that each wife would have an equal share of his attention. Every afternoon he paid a social call on all his wives before settling in the house where he intended to sleep.<ref>{{Bukhari|3|47|766}}. See also {{Bukhari|3|48|853}}; {{Muslim|8|3450}}; {{Muslim|8|3451}}; {{Muslim|8|3452}}.</ref> When he went on a journey, he cast lots among his wives to determine who would accompany him. But rosters and lotteries did little to secure fair turns, for all the wives knew about his preference. He was always pleased when the travelling-lot fell on Aisha and disappointed when it did not. When he the returned from a journey and had to start the roster from day one again, he always began with Aisha.<ref></ref> He said, “Aisha has a place in my heart that nobody else has.”<ref></ref> When he teased his wives by saying that he would give his favourite an onyx necklace, he waited for them to whisper that he would give it to Aisha before presenting it to his little granddaughter Umama.<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:27-28.</ref> | Muhammad set up an orderly roster so that each wife would have an equal share of his attention. Every afternoon he paid a social call on all his wives before settling in the house where he intended to sleep.<ref>{{Bukhari|3|47|766}}. See also {{Bukhari|3|48|853}}; {{Muslim|8|3450}}; {{Muslim|8|3451}}; {{Muslim|8|3452}}.</ref> When he went on a journey, he cast lots among his wives to determine who would accompany him. But rosters and lotteries did little to secure fair turns, for all the wives knew about his preference. He was always pleased when the travelling-lot fell on Aisha and disappointed when it did not. When he the returned from a journey and had to start the roster from day one again, he always began with Aisha.<ref>REFERENCE MISSING</ref> He said, “Aisha has a place in my heart that nobody else has.”<ref>REFERENCE MISSING</ref> When he teased his wives by saying that he would give his favourite an onyx necklace, he waited for them to whisper that he would give it to Aisha before presenting it to his little granddaughter Umama.<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:27-28.</ref> | ||
Inevitably, Aisha was not always the wife who benefited from Muhammad’s favouritism. A revelation gave him special permission to postpone one wife’s turn if he had a sudden urge to be with another. Aisha responded, “It seems to me that Allah is very quick to grant your desires!”<ref>See {{Quran|33|51}}; {{Bukhari|3|47|766}}; [http://www.searchtruth.com/book_display.php?book=60&translator=1&start=307&number=311/ {{Bukhari|6|60|311}}]; {{Muslim|8|3453}}; {{Muslim|8|3454}}.</ref> Muhammad would ask the rostered wife’s permission before he skipped her, but Aisha never dared say no. She only told him: “If I really were free to say no, I would never allow you to favour another woman.”<ref>[ http://www.searchtruth.com/book_display.php?book=60&translator=1&start=307&number=312/ {{Bukhari|6|60|312}}].</ref> One night, when Muhammad left Aisha’s room, she assumed he had gone to visit one of the others out of turn. She was so angry that she ripped up his clothes. When he returned to find his cloak in ribbons, he asked: “What is the matter, Aisha? Are you jealous?” She retorted: “And why shouldn’t I be jealous? You give me good reason!”<ref>{{Muslim|39|6759}}; Ibn Hanbal, ''Musnad'' 6:115.</ref> Only a few days before Muhammad died, he asked Aisha, “Would you be upset if you died before me so that I might wrap you in your shroud and pray over you and bury you?” She replied, “After you had done that, I think you would return to my house and have sex right here with one of your other wives!” He smiled but he did not deny it.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 678-679.</ref> | Inevitably, Aisha was not always the wife who benefited from Muhammad’s favouritism. A revelation gave him special permission to postpone one wife’s turn if he had a sudden urge to be with another. Aisha responded, “It seems to me that Allah is very quick to grant your desires!”<ref>See {{Quran|33|51}}; {{Bukhari|3|47|766}}; [http://www.searchtruth.com/book_display.php?book=60&translator=1&start=307&number=311/ {{Bukhari|6|60|311}}]; {{Muslim|8|3453}}; {{Muslim|8|3454}}.</ref> Muhammad would ask the rostered wife’s permission before he skipped her, but Aisha never dared say no. She only told him: “If I really were free to say no, I would never allow you to favour another woman.”<ref>[ http://www.searchtruth.com/book_display.php?book=60&translator=1&start=307&number=312/ {{Bukhari|6|60|312}}].</ref> One night, when Muhammad left Aisha’s room, she assumed he had gone to visit one of the others out of turn. She was so angry that she ripped up his clothes. When he returned to find his cloak in ribbons, he asked: “What is the matter, Aisha? Are you jealous?” She retorted: “And why shouldn’t I be jealous? You give me good reason!”<ref>{{Muslim|39|6759}}; Ibn Hanbal, ''Musnad'' 6:115.</ref> Only a few days before Muhammad died, he asked Aisha, “Would you be upset if you died before me so that I might wrap you in your shroud and pray over you and bury you?” She replied, “After you had done that, I think you would return to my house and have sex right here with one of your other wives!” He smiled but he did not deny it.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 678-679.</ref> | ||
Aisha was quick to emphasise her position as the “most important” wife. She enumerated among her distinguishing characteristics that she was the wife whom Muhammad loved the most, the only wife whom he married as a virgin, the only one who used to lie down in front of him while he was praying, the only one in whose bed he received revelations, the one whose innocence was revealed from Heaven, the one in whose house he suffered his final illness and in whose lap he died, and the one in whose house he was buried.<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:46, 47.</ref> She also claimed that she was the first woman whom Muhammad married after Khadijah and that [[Sawda bint Zamaa]] was the second, i.e., that she had been Muhammad’s first choice.<ref>{{Muslim|8|3452}}.</ref> The evidence, however, is against her. The sources state that Muhammad married Sawda in Ramadan (the ninth month) and Aisha in Shawwal (the tenth month).<ref>{{Tabari|9|p. 128}}; {{Tabari|39|pp. 170, 171}}; Bewley/Saad 8:43, 55; {{Muslim|8|3312}}.</ref> Further, Aisha was not an eyewitness to her own marriage contract,<ref></ref> so her information about its date would have been acquired at second hand. It was probably a case of believing what she wanted to believe. One possible harmonisation of the conflict, however, is that Muhammad might have opened negotiations with Abu Bakr in Ramadan before he proposed to Sawda; but in the several days it took Abu Bakr to consent and then to tidy up his affairs with Al-Mutim’s family, Muhammad had time for his quick, uncomplicated wedding to Sawda. | Aisha was quick to emphasise her position as the “most important” wife. She enumerated among her distinguishing characteristics that she was the wife whom Muhammad loved the most, the only wife whom he married as a virgin, the only one who used to lie down in front of him while he was praying, the only one in whose bed he received revelations, the one whose innocence was revealed from Heaven, the one in whose house he suffered his final illness and in whose lap he died, and the one in whose house he was buried.<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:46, 47.</ref> She also claimed that she was the first woman whom Muhammad married after Khadijah and that [[Sawda bint Zamaa]] was the second, i.e., that she had been Muhammad’s first choice.<ref>{{Muslim|8|3452}}.</ref> The evidence, however, is against her. The sources state that Muhammad married Sawda in Ramadan (the ninth month) and Aisha in Shawwal (the tenth month).<ref>{{Tabari|9|p. 128}}; {{Tabari|39|pp. 170, 171}}; Bewley/Saad 8:43, 55; {{Muslim|8|3312}}.</ref> Further, Aisha was not an eyewitness to her own marriage contract,<ref>REFERENCE MISSING</ref> so her information about its date would have been acquired at second hand. It was probably a case of believing what she wanted to believe. One possible harmonisation of the conflict, however, is that Muhammad might have opened negotiations with Abu Bakr in Ramadan before he proposed to Sawda; but in the several days it took Abu Bakr to consent and then to tidy up his affairs with Al-Mutim’s family, Muhammad had time for his quick, uncomplicated wedding to Sawda. | ||
Some Muslims, especially Shi’a, hold up Aisha’s “jealousy” as an example ''not'' to be followed.<ref></ref> Muhammad himself rebuked her that, “Jealousy is belief for a man [because he is protecting the chastity of the whole family] but it is unbelief for a woman [because she is selfish to demand her husband’s exclusive attention].”<ref> Nahjol Balagha, short maxims </ref> This tactic of “blaming the victim” is merely an attempt to deflect blame from the “perfect man” Muhammad. In fact he had no moral excuse for his polygyny (legalised adultery), for he knew very well that the set-up made women unhappy. When his son-in-law Ali considered taking a second wife, he sternly forbade it because, “What hurts Fatima hurts me.”<ref>{{Bukhari|7|62|157}}.</ref> He understood that there was nothing intrinsically unreasonable about Aisha’s hopeless dream of a normal monogamous marriage; but he made it very clear that this would never be an option. | Some Muslims, especially Shi’a, hold up Aisha’s “jealousy” as an example ''not'' to be followed.<ref>REFERENCE MISSING</ref> Muhammad himself rebuked her that, “Jealousy is belief for a man [because he is protecting the chastity of the whole family] but it is unbelief for a woman [because she is selfish to demand her husband’s exclusive attention].”<ref> Nahjol Balagha, short maxims </ref> This tactic of “blaming the victim” is merely an attempt to deflect blame from the “perfect man” Muhammad. In fact he had no moral excuse for his polygyny (legalised adultery), for he knew very well that the set-up made women unhappy. When his son-in-law Ali considered taking a second wife, he sternly forbade it because, “What hurts Fatima hurts me.”<ref>{{Bukhari|7|62|157}}.</ref> He understood that there was nothing intrinsically unreasonable about Aisha’s hopeless dream of a normal monogamous marriage; but he made it very clear that this would never be an option. | ||
===The Necklace Affair=== | ===The Necklace Affair=== | ||