'Iddah (Female Menstrual Waiting Period): Difference between revisions

In Islamic law or Sharia, iddah or iddat (Arabic: العدة‎; period (of waiting)), also spelled iddah, idda, or iddat, is the period a woman must observe after the death of her husband or after a divorce, during which she may not marry another man.^[1] The 'iddah (waiting period) of different kind of women in Islam varies depending on her status:

• A widowed woman: The waiting period is 4 months and 10 days
• A pregnant woman: The waiting period is up to 9 months (till the birth of the baby)
• A divorced woman: The waiting period is 3 menstrual cycles. (However, Islam critics point out that actually she would not get the attention and love and emotional help from any man for 6 menstrual cycles. The first 3 menstrual cycles are the process of Divorce, in which she could not leave the husband's house, and her husband does not touch her. And after the divorce, again she has to stay in the "waiting period" of 3 more menstrual cycles with many restrictions. She practically has to stay under these strict restrictions for about 6 months).

Muslim Scholars claim that rulings of 'Iddah could neither be abolished, nor could be changed as the rulings of the Islamic Sharia are based upon wisdom, justice and the best interests of the women, and they protect the women against the gender oppression and misogyny, while the man made laws of the modern Western world lead to the sexual exploitation of the women^[2][3].

While Islam critics claim that:

• 'Iddah rulings are illogical, and thus they have contradictions.
• And all these restrictions of 'Iddah are only targeting the women and only women have to suffer unilaterally, while men are totally free to enjoy their life.

‘Iddah and the ‘parentage’ of the child

Islamic legal texts make the claim that ‘Iddah is necessary in order to keep the ‘parentage’ of the child secure. Yet in point of fact, in light of modern science, being free of blood from the first menstrual cycle is not enough to know if a woman is or is not pregnant, even though Islamic law stipulates that the 'iddah (waiting period) of a new prisoner^[4], and also of a free Muslim woman who takes divorce through Khul'^[5]. According to Islamic law, after the first menstrual cycle Muslim men may have intercourse with them. Muhammad himself had sex with Saffiyah the same night, when in the day her father, brother and husband was killed, while she became free from blood of her first menstrual cycle the same day^[6]. Muhammad married her as a free woman. These facts cast doubt on the idea that the 3 month 'iddah of a divorced women or the 4 month 10 day 'iddah of a widdow has anything to do with determining parental rights and responsibilities

Restrictions upon the women during 'Iddah:

First Restriction: She has to undergo the 'Iddah even without any 'maintenance' money

Thus Islam Critics point out that:

• A woman has no choice, but to compulsorily undergo the 'Iddah of period of 4 months and 10 days (or up to 9 months in case of pregnancy), but she has no right for maintenance money from the estate of her husband for this long period of time.
• This is a huge financial burden upon the women, who often don't even have any source of income in the Islamic countries.

Second Restriction: She has to obligatorily stay only in the house of Husband during the ‘Iddah

According to the Islamic Sharia'h, If the husband dies:

• then a woman has to stay ONLY in the house of her husband during this whole period of 'Iddah.
• She is not allowed to spend this time of 'Iddah in any other place (like house of her parents or any other family members)^[7][8].

Islam critics object here that:

• What does that have to do with the ‘parentage’ of the child where she stays after the death of her husband?
• Why could she not spend the waiting period in the house of her parents, where she feels comfortable and where she is among the people who love her? This could help her immensely to come out of the sorrow of the death of her husband.
• And in the house of her husband, she could be all alone, and she has to live like she is in a 'solitary confinement' like situation, while she is not allowed to leave the house, and she could not come in contact with any man.
• Moreover, it could be a huge mental torture for many women to live for 4 long months (or upto 9 months in case of pregnancy) in the house where their husbands died.

She has to stay in the husband’s house, even if it doesn’t belong to her husband, or even if he hasn’t left any maintenance money for the wife

Thus Islam Critics raise the objections that:

• How is it a 'justice' with a woman that firstly she is compelled to live in that house, and secondly then also to pay for the rent?
• Why is she compelled to bear the expenses of her daily needs at her own, while her family could have taken care of her easily if she would have stayed in the house of her parents/brothers/sisters.

Third Restriction: She could not leave the house even for daily walks, or visit the relatives or attend any social gathering

She could also not go outside for daily walks, as they are not a necessity (Fatwa 1, Fatwa 2).

Islam Critics object that:

• Women are also human beings. They thus also need to entertain themselves by going out in the parks, and daily walks, and shopping, and eating in restaurants, attending the parties, sleeping at her parents house, visiting her relatives etc.
• All these restrictions are non-Natural and against the human nature.
• And putting these restrictions 'unilaterally' only upon the women does not constitute to 'doing Justice with the women'.
• These restrictions are draconian, and practically putting a woman in a 'solitary confinement' like situation.

Fourth Restriction: She could not even use collyrium/kohl in eyes despite eye disease, while it beautifies her

Although a woman is allowed to take medical care during ‘Iddah, still she should not use collyrium/kohl as a cure even against any eye disease, while it beautifies her.

Fifth Restriction: Women are not allowed to use good clothes, jewelry, perfume, Henna and to comb the hairs or to oil them

Women in 'Iddah are not allowed to wear good clothes, or jewelry, or use perfume or Henna. Even combing hairs and applying the oil to them is also forbidden^[9]. And even washing the face with aloe is also forbidden.

Islam critics question here the Islamic logic, that:

• A woman is not coming in any kind of contact with any man during the 'iddah, as she is not allowed to let any non-Mahram man to enter her house, and she is herself not allowed to leave the house.
• So, what is wrong if she wear good clothes, and jewelry, and use perfume, and use henna and comb her hairs with oil, and wash her face with aloe in the house, where she is alone, or at maximum with other women?
• At maximum, the usage of perfume could be restricted in case if she had to leave the house in urgent situation.

Sixth Restriction: She should give up her Natural needs of getting any emotional support and attention and love from any other partner during the ‘Iddah

Islam critics point out that:

• Need of sex is not only limited to men, but it is a natural need of woman too. But Islam does not recognise this right and natural need of a woman, and it has limited it to the man only. Thus, a woman is not allowed to have sex with any partner for this long period of time of ‘Iddah.
• But sex is not the only problem, while divorce or death of husband also comes with extreme emotional stress for the woman. This is exactly the time when some of them may need emotional support and attention from a caring partner the most, who could talk with them and give them love and attention, so that they feel themselves “secure” in the partner's arms.
• On the other hand, Muslim men are allowed to have sex with other wives and dozens of slave-girls the same night. There is absolutely no restrictions upon them to even control themselves for even for a single day.

Seventh Restriction: She could not secure herself and her children financially through relationship with any other partner in the ‘Iddah

Islam critics object here that the Hadith of Furay'ah (which has already been mentioned above) proves that a woman has to stay in the waiting period in the house of her deceased husband, even though he left no maintenance money for her.

• And women in Islamic society are poorly educated.
• And Islamic society also does not provide women with job opportunities too, but she has to face so many hurdles in doing a job outside.
• Thus, the best bet for such a divorced/widow Muslim woman (even if she is pregnant) is to get another partner and get herself and her children financially secured in this way.
• But Islam has also completely blocked this opportunity for the woman too. Neither other men are allowed to see her, nor to meet her and decide if they could come into the relationship, nor they could make any proposal to them.
• She is all alone during the ‘Iddah period to financially secure herself and her children.
  

Islam Advocates: Strict 'restrictions' are placed upon the divorced woman during the 'Iddah due to the danger of her indulging in a SIN

But Islam critics don't agree with this excuse, while:

• If normal Muslim women (or even the virgin Muslim girls) are allowed to go outside to entertain themselves in the Parks, and for picnic, and attend the social gatherings, and visit their relatives, and sleep in their parent's home, and attend the funerals of their parents and they don't indulge into sin, why then a widow or a divorced woman will indulge in the sin for doing these same things?
• And if normal Muslim women (or even the virgin Muslim girls) are allowed to use the Kohl in their eyes, and parfum, and comb their hairs, and use the jewelry, and to wear good clothes, and use henna, or to wash their faces with Aloe, and still they don't indulge into sin, why then a divorced woman or a widow will indulge in the sin for doing the same thing?

Pre-Islamic Influences on the Concept of ‘Iddah=

Islam critics claim that:

• Muhammad copied this ‘Iddah from the culture of people of Pre-Islam period of ignorance.
• And when Muslim women protested upon it, then Muhammad told the women to happily accept all these Islamic restriction of waiting period without questioning them, as they last only for 4 months and 10 days, and while they had to stay in 'Iddah for complete one year in the pre-Islamic days.

And as a proof, Islam critics quote the following hadith:

Islam critics object that this reason (which was given by Muhammad in the above mentioned hadith) is illogical. An oppression does not become legal while it is on smaller scale than the previous larger scale oppression.

Reason for 'iddah of a widow

Islam advocates claim that reason for the 4 month and 10 days long 'iddah of a widow is to 'mourn' the death of the husband^[10].

While Islam critics object upon it while:

• There is no obligation of any “mourning” upon a man if the wife dies. This makes it a double standard situation against the women.
• Husband is totally free to marry a new wife the same night.
• And he is also totally free to have sex with his other wives and dozens of slave girls the same night, and there is no restriction upon him in name of ‘mourning’.
• Only the woman is compelled to ‘mourn’ the death of her husband.
• Only she is deprived of her natural needs of having love with any partner in the name of ‘mourning’, and only she has to undergo the strickt restrictions of 'Iddah.

Moreover, Islamic critics also criticise Islamic Sharia, while it says that a widow has also to observe 'Iddah, even if ^[11]:

• She has never seen her husband after the marriage.
• Or even if the marriage has not been consummated.
• Or even if she is a minor child.
• Islam critics thus question why should she mourn if she has no emotional connection and love for him in her heart?
• What if the husband was abusive and he tortured her when he was alive, and thus she HATED him? This is cruel to still compel a woman for such a long obligatorily waiting period, with so many restrictions.

Therefore, Islam critics point out that Islam could have left it upon the woman:

• That she could decide for herself if she loved her deceased husband or not.
• That she decides herself to mourn his death or not.
• That she decides how long she wants to mourn, and when she is ready for the new relationship.
• That she decides if living in her deceased husband’s house is causing her unnecessary mental stress or not.
• That she decides for herself if she needs the help and love of her parents and family or not by staying with them.
• Woman is not a “Brainless Creature”, who is unable to even decide for the matters which are only related to her and her personal life?

Reason for the 'Iddah of a pregnant woman

According to the Quran, the waiting period of a pregnant woman is till the birth of a child (Quran 65:4).

And then Muhammad further told the Scientific LOGIC behind this Quranic order:

Islam critics objects that this is a scientific mistake, while:

• Science is very clear if woman has already become pregnant, then other man could do as much sex as possible, but his sperms are not going to have any effects upon the fetus (i.e. he is not going to water the fetus from previous man). No DNA changes are going to take place in the fetus due to the sex. These were the concepts of times of ignorance, and Muhammad took this concept from them.

Moreover, Islam critics also points out that once again the pregnant woman has to bear the consequences of this practice unilaterally.

• The pregnant woman is alone after the death of her husband, and she is financially very weak.
• What if the deceased husband left no money for her and the baby?
• And it is impossible for her to go to the work outside while carrying the baby in her belly.
• A woman is in a state of extreme emotion during the pregnancy. This is exactly the time when she needs emotional support the most from a partner, who could take care of her, or of her father/mother/family, but she is compelled to stay at the husband's house.
• She is compelled to face all these difficulties 'alone' till the birth of the baby.

Moreover, Islam critics also point out that in principle:

• A pregnant woman should not go for ‘Iddah of even a single day, while the parentage of the child is already known due to her pregnancy.
• If husband could divorce such a pregnant woman and then start having sex with dozens of other slave girls and wives, why then should the pregnant woman be deprived of the emotional support and love and attention and care of the new partner, in a hard time when she needs these things the most?

Reasons for the 'Iddah in case of divorce

Islam critics point out that:

• The whole process of Divorce + ‘Iddah lasts for 6 menstrual cycles for a divorced woman.
• If Muslim husband decides to give her a divorce, then woman is still compelled to stay for the next 3 menstrual cycles with him in his house^[12].
• During these 3 months, wife is not allowed to come in contact with any man. And her husband also does not touch her. She is again in a 'solitary confinement' like situation in the house of her husband.
• But the husband is free to have sex with other wives and slave girls during all this time.
• And after the divorce, she again has to undergo a waiting period of 3 more menstrual cycles^[13]. But why? There is no issue of parentage of the child either, while her husband didn’t touch her for the last 3 menstrual cycles. And there is no option of reunion of both of them after the divorce, till the time she undergoes the Quranic Halala. So, why is the woman then still forced to undergo solitary confinement like situation for the next 3 more months in the name of ‘Iddah?

Islam Advocates: She has to observe 'Iddah while she was 'alone' with a man under one roof

Islam advocates say, even if the husband has not touched her for the last 3 menstrual cycles, still she has to observe restrictions of 'Iddah of 3 more months, while^[14]:

• She was ‘alone’ with her previous husband under one roof in privacy during the process of 3 Talaqs.
• And the WITNESSES of man and woman are not accepted in Islam that they didn’t have sex during this period.
• Therefore, restrictions of 'Iddah of 3 more menstrual cycles will safeguard the parentage of the child in case she became pregnant from the previous husband.

But the Islam critics object and point out that:

• If the witness of ONLY man is accepted in the process of Talaq (i.e. he didn’t touch her for the last 3 menstrual cycles), and he gets her divorced on the bases of his single witness, why then the witnesses of BOTH the Man and Woman are rejected when they testify that they didn’t have the sex for the last 3 menstrual cycles, and thus she is not pregnant, and thus she does not need any further ‘Iddah in name of parentage of the child?
• As compared to the rejection of witnesses of these 2 Free Adult Muslim Man and Woman, Islam allows the man to start having sex with the slave woman of another person, on the bases of 'singular testimony' of the slave-girl alone, that she is not pregnant, and her owner made her Halal for him to use her as a sex object.

• And lastly, even one menstrual cycle is enough to know if she is pregnant or not (just like the prisoner/slave woman). Why then she still has to undergo the 3 menstrual cycles long waiting period? This again makes no sense.
• And why should she not use perfume and make-up and make herself attractive to other men, as there is no option of returning to previous husband without the Halala?

Moreover:

• A wife who hasn't seen her husband for years, should also undergo the sufferings of 'Iddah in case of divorce. But why? There are no chances of her being pregnant.
• A minor girl (who has not started to menstruate), why then does she also has to undergo the waiting period of 3 months in case of divorce, as she couldn't even get pregnant?
• Similarly, an old woman could also not get pregnant, why does then she also has to undergo the solitary confinement like restrictions of ‘Iddah in case of divorce?

Islam Advocates: 'Iddah is necessary while a women is emotionally disturbed after the divorce

An Islam advocate wrote:

While Islam critics point out that:

• The answer is simple, i.e. to let the women decide for themselves. If they don't have wish, then no one should force them into any relationship. And what to talk about 3 menstrual cycles of 'Iddah, they could stay out of any new relationship for an year or longer as they wish.
• But if they wish otherwise, and decide to enter into a new relationship just after the divorce (or even in case of becoming a widow), then no one should stop them. There could be many women for whom divorce is not a mental shock, but divorce is a form of  freedom for them and it is a 'mental relief' for them to come out of an abusive relationship.
• Why then religion want to forcefully imposes itself upon the masses, killing the wishes and the right of self-determination of millions of women.
• It would become double standards if the religion considers that men are not mentally disturbed from Talaq, and thus have the right to decide for themselves to have sex with multiple other slave women or wives the same night, or to take marry another wife same night, but only women are unable to decide for themselves.

Moreover:

• Islam itself allowed the pregnant woman to deliver a child after divorce or becoming a widow (be it only few hours), and then immediately wed to another man. This proves that Islam itself doesn't consider that all women are necessarily mentally stressed, or emotionally attached with the previous husbands despite the divorce.
• Muhammad himself married Saffiyah the same night, when in the day her husband was killed, and Muhammad didn't care if she was mentally stressed or emotionally attached with her previous husband.  

Islam Critics: The process of Divorce in Islam is again UNJUST towards the women

Islam advocates claim that a woman has to stay in the house of husband for 3 menstrual cycles during the process of divorce, while this could provide them with the chance to reconcile^[15].

But Islam critics object to this process of divorce, and ask:

• But what if the husband is an abusive evil person? What if he tortures her all this period without any reason? What if he beats her so wildly that she gets bruises all over her body? Why they still she has to still stay with such an abusive husband for 3 months? (Please read the Khul' article, that woman could not get her freedom through Khul', even if the husband is abusive and tortures her. Only if he breaks any part of her body, in that case she could get her freedom through the court)
• Only the woman is forced to sacrifice in the name of so-called “reconcilement” in this Islamic Talaq process, while husband has to bring no sacrifice. He is free to have sex with all other wives and slave girls during this whole period of 3 months.

Moreover:

• Is there any guarantee that this dispute between husband and wife is going to resolve in 3 months time of Talaq process?
• Is it not possible that it may take more than 3 months that both of them come back in their senses and end the dispute after this period? For example, a man comes back to his senses after 1 years, and realises that it was a mistake to divorce his wife and she was totally innocent. Then what are the options available there to undo this mistake? The answer is, there are NO more options available, while she could not return to him without undergoing the process of Halala, which is considered as a shameful process. So, what then is the 'Divine Wisdom' in this ruling, which limits this reconcilationary period to only 3 menstrual cycles?

Moreover:

• Islam compels the woman to stay in the house of husband during the process of Talaq. While it has been seen that in cases of disputes, it could also be helpful that both parties take a break from each other and live separately for some period of time.
• This provides both parties with chance to ponder upon, and to learn from their mistakes in a better way and they realise their mistakes in a better way.
• When wife has to face the difficulties in living in house of her parents or brothers/sisters, then she realises quickly the importance of house of her husband. And when husband has to do all the work in the house alone, and has to take care of the children alone too, then he also realises his mistake quickly.
• But Islam closed this option for them by ordering the woman for not leaving the husband's house even in case of serious disputes.

Islam Critics: Pronouncing 3 Divorces in one sitting is also illogical and an Injustice towards the woman

Islam advocates say that Islam also allows pronouncing 3 divorces in one sitting, which will spare the woman of 3 months restrictions of divorce process. But Islam critics again object upon it and point out that:

• Only may is allowed to give Talaq in this way. Why these double standards? Is woman a 'brainless emotional creature', who could not take decisions about her own life.
• And this divorce becomes valid even if the wife was totally innocent, and he only pronounced 3 divorces in ANGER. This proves that blaming only women for being emotionally unstable is not correct, but men could also become totally emotionally unstable, especially in the state of Anger and they are capable of doing every kind of stupid things, including killing others.
• What type of Divine Wisdom is this, then to give right to such emotionally unstable men in anger to divorce their wives in 3 seconds, by saying 3 times Talaq Talaq Talaq?
• The consequences of such 3 times Talaq in anger has to be bear by the poor innocent wife, where her whole family is destroyed and she may loose her children too.
• And despite being totally innocent, again only she is forced to undergo the shameful process of Halala too, if she wishes to reunite with here family (i.e. husband and the children).
• Is it really that giving rights with Justice to the woman by Islam?

Islam Critics: Blackmailing the women in name of ‘reconcilement & settlement’ in the Divorce Process

Islam critics claim while only the woman suffers during the long process of Islamic Talaq, thus it works as a weapon in hands of  an abusive husband, to blackmail her unjustly, and to usurp her rights by compelling her to give up her rights.

Islam critics point out that here occurs a contradiction in Islamic Sharia, while earlier at time of allowing 4 wives, the writer of Quran stipulated the condition of "Justice (Adl عدل)":

But later the writer of Quran allowed the husband to blackmail the wife by threatening her with divorce, and showing contempt and evasion and thus compelling her to give away her rights in the name of settlement. Thus, the condition of Justice was abrogated for the so-called settlement which is always going in favor of the husband while he controls the right of giving divorce.

Muhammad himself threatened his wife Sawdah with Talaq (while she was older in age as compared to the other wives of Muhammad). Thus, Sawadah started weeping and she came to ‘Aisha’s house and told Muhammad that she was ready to give her TURN To ‘Aisaha, but Muhammad should not make her homeless by divorcing her in that old age. Sawdah served Muhammad the longest, and in the most difficult times, and she did nothing wrong. Still she had to suffer, and to give up her right in name of so-called 'settlement'.

Islam Advocates: Some women have Implantation Bleeding despite being pregnant

Islam advocates that Islamic 'Iddah of 3 menstrual cycles is correct, while some women have implantation bleeding despite being pregnant, and it is difficult for a woman to differentiate between he periods and the implantation bleeding.

While Islam critics say that:

• Laws and rules are made on the bases of "Generality", and not on the bases of "Exceptions".
• Islam itself does not accepts this "exceptional" incidents for making the "general laws".
• Therefore, Islam itself made a law that the 'Iddah of a prisoner/slave woman is only one menstrual cycle.

Islam advocates reply it by saying that the 'status' of a slave woman is not equal to the the status of a free woman, and thus Islam is correct to extend the 'Iddah of free woman to 3 months in case of divorce.

But Islam critics point out that:

• This issue is not about the 'status' of a slave woman or a free woman, but the issue is about the 'parentage' of the child, which stays the same in both the cases.
• And even the 'Iddah of free Muslim woman in Islam in case of Khul' is only one period^[16].
• And Muhammad himself slept with Saffiyyah the same night when her first menstrual blood stopped. Note that Saffiyyah was not a slave, but a free woman when Muhammad took her as a wife.

Thus Islam critics claim that:

• There is no Hadith of Muhammad present, in which he ever mentioned 'Iddah of 3 periods due to any Implantation bleeding.
• Muhammad adopted the practice of 'Iddah, while it was the tradition of that era, and Muhammad was a part of that society.
• But in the modern era, when science discovered these facts, then Muslims now try to present these scientific discoveries as miracles of Islam.
• But Muslims will fail, as contradictions in Islam will then occur (like Muslims having sex with prisoner/slave women and  while Muhammad had himself sex with Saffiyyah after only the first menstrual cycle.
• And what about a minor girl wife (who does not menstruate yet), or an old lady (who could not bear any children), or a woman who hasn't seen her husband for years? Muhammad ordered them too to observe the 'Iddah of 3 periods (or 3 months) too. But why? Certainly not due to the implantation bleeding in them, but while it was a tradition of that era.

Islam Critics:Why no 'Iddah in name of 'mourning' for the Prisoner/Slave women?

Islam critics point out that:

• Muslim are allowed to derive sexual pleasures from the prisoner virgin girls with ‘penetration’ the same night, without giving them any 'waiting period' to mourn their dead family members.
• And as far as the prisoner women are concerned, who already have husbands, then penetration in their vaginas is not allowed till they become free of their first menstrual period. But still Muslims are allowed to undress them the same night and to take all kind of other sexual pleasures and sex services with their naked bodies except for penetration.

According to Islamic Scholars, the Fiqh (Jurisprudence) of Imam Bukhari lies in the “Headings of Chapters” of his Book. And Imam Bukhari gave this heading in his book Sahih Bukhari^[17]:

Chapter: If one buys a slave woman, can he then take her along with him in a journey without her completing her waiting period?

Under this heading, Imam Bukhari writes:

In order to understand the trauma of those captive women due to the killing of their relatives, please see the following tradition.

Islam critics thus question the double standards here:

• On one side, Islam advocates claim that a Muslim woman is not allowed to be wed during 3 periods/months long 'Iddah while she is mentally under stress after the divorce.
• But on the other side, they deny any such mental stress for the prisoner women and girls. And what to talk about divorce, but even after killing all the men of their family, Muslim men use them as sex object the same night. They are provided with no 'waiting period' to come out of their mental stress.

Contrary to Islam, the Judaism and the Christianity allowed the prisoner women to mourn their relatives for one complete month, during which men were not allowed to take any other sexual services from them.

Islam critics point out that Muhammad rejected the Sharia of Moses in this case, and he followed the laws of the pagan Arab society of that time, as it benefitted him and the Muslims financially and they were free to seek sexual pleasures through the prisoner women the same night.

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