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If Aisha remembered Muhammad as a man who ''almost'' never beat her, she was probably comparing him with her father. Abu Bakr had no concept that his married daughter had ceased to be his property. The first time Aisha lost her sister’s necklace, Muhammad indulgently held up the whole army to search for it (it turned out that a camel was sitting on it), and the warriors complained to Abu Bakr about the wasted time. That night, as Muhammad slept with his head in Aisha’s lap, Abu Bakr rebuked his daughter and punched her thigh “with a very painful blow”. She kept very still so as not to awaken Muhammad.<ref>{{Bukhari|1|7|330}}; {{Bukhari|7|62|177}}; {{Bukhari|8|82|827}}; {{Bukhari|8|82|828}}.</ref> It is nowhere recorded that Aisha complained to Muhammad or that Abu Bakr suffered any kind of rebuke or consequence for this attack. Aisha recounted the story as if it was no serious problem. | If Aisha remembered Muhammad as a man who ''almost'' never beat her, she was probably comparing him with her father. Abu Bakr had no concept that his married daughter had ceased to be his property. The first time Aisha lost her sister’s necklace, Muhammad indulgently held up the whole army to search for it (it turned out that a camel was sitting on it), and the warriors complained to Abu Bakr about the wasted time. That night, as Muhammad slept with his head in Aisha’s lap, Abu Bakr rebuked his daughter and punched her thigh “with a very painful blow”. She kept very still so as not to awaken Muhammad.<ref>{{Bukhari|1|7|330}}; {{Bukhari|7|62|177}}; {{Bukhari|8|82|827}}; {{Bukhari|8|82|828}}.</ref> It is nowhere recorded that Aisha complained to Muhammad or that Abu Bakr suffered any kind of rebuke or consequence for this attack. Aisha recounted the story as if it was no serious problem. | ||
During one quarrel between Aisha and Muhammad, Abu Bakr walked in. Muhammad asked, “Abu Bakr, will you obtain my right from Aisha?” Aisha said, “You speak [first] but tell the truth.” Abu Bakr said, “O enemy of yourself, does he utter anything but the truth?”<ref>[http://www.ghazali.org/books/marriage.pdf/ Ghazali, ''Iḥyaa uloom al-Deen'' vol. 2 chapter 2. Translated by Farah, M. “Book on the Etiquette of Marriage,” p. 95, in ''The Revival of the Religious Sciences''.]</ref> In one version of the story, he “raised his hand and struck her hard on the chest.”<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:56.</ref> In an alternative version, “he struck her until her mouth bled.”<ref>[http://www.ghazali.org/books/marriage.pdf/ Farah/Ghazali vol. 2 p. 95].</ref> Muhammad said, “May Allah forgive you, Abu Bakr! I did not mean this!”<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:56.</ref> But in neither version of the story did Muhammad require Abu Bakr to apologise to Aisha, let alone to undergo any of the violent punishments that he imposed on a slanderer, a thief or an adulterer.<ref>{{Abudawud|41|4981}} also reports a variant.</ref> | During one quarrel between Aisha and Muhammad, Abu Bakr walked in. Muhammad asked, “Abu Bakr, will you obtain my right from Aisha?” Aisha said, “You speak [first] but tell the truth.” Abu Bakr said, “O enemy of yourself, does he utter anything but the truth?”<ref>[http://www.ghazali.org/books/marriage.pdf/ Ghazali, ''Iḥyaa uloom al-Deen'' vol. 2 chapter 2. Translated by Farah, M. “Book on the Etiquette of Marriage,” p. 95, in ''The Revival of the Religious Sciences''.]</ref> In one version of the story, he “raised his hand and struck her hard on the chest.”<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:56.</ref> In an alternative version, “he struck her until her mouth bled.”<ref>[http://www.ghazali.org/books/marriage.pdf/ Farah/Ghazali vol. 2 p. 95].</ref> Muhammad said, “May Allah forgive you, Abu Bakr! I did not mean this!”<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:56.</ref> But in neither version of the story did Muhammad require Abu Bakr to apologise to Aisha, let alone to undergo any of the violent [[Qur'an, Hadith and Scholars:Punishments|punishments]] that he imposed on a slanderer, a thief or an adulterer.<ref>{{Abudawud|41|4981}} also reports a variant.</ref> | ||
How common was domestic violence in the Muslim community? There were doubtless families where it never happened. When Habiba bint Zayd disobeyed her husband, Saad ibn Al-Rabi, and he slapped her face, her father and brother complained to Muhammad.<ref>[http://www.altafsir.com/AsbabAlnuzol.asp?SoraName=4&Ayah=34&search=yes&img=A/ Al-Wahidi, ''Asbab Al-Nuzul''. Translated by Guezzou, M. (2011). ''Context of Revelation'', Q4:34. Amman, Jordan: Royal Aal al-Bayt Institute for Islamic Thought.]</ref> The spouses were cousins, and the objecting brother was Saad’s stepfather,<ref>See the genealogies in Guillaume/Ishaq 402 and Bewley/Saad 8:243, 245. Saad and his stepfather/brother-in-law/cousin Kharija were both killed at Uhud in March 625 and buried in a common grave. This was the same Kharija ibn Zayd whose daughter was married to Abu Bakr; after Kharija’s death, Abu Bakr frankly admitted that he beat her ({{Muslim|9|3506}}).</ref> so even within one family, there was no consensus over what was culturally normal. Muhammad advised, “Retaliation! And there is no other judgment to be held.”<ref>[http://www.altafsir.com/AsbabAlnuzol.asp?SoraName=4&Ayah=34&search=yes&img=A/ Guezzou/Wahidi Q4:34.]</ref> He then announced to the community, “Do not beat Allah’s handmaidens,”<ref>{{Abudawud|11|2141}}.</ref> and “they stopped beating them.”<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:144.</ref> The word “stopped” indicates that there were other families where it had been normal to beat wives (and daughters and sisters, since a “handmaiden” was not necessarily a “wife”). The respite did not last long. Umar, who was “rough and ready … toting a stick or whip, which he was never afraid to use on a person,”<ref>{{Tabari|14|pp. 120, 139}}.</ref> told Muhammad, “Women have become emboldened towards their husbands.” So Muhammad “gave permission to beat them”<ref>{{Abudawud|11|2141}}; Bewley/Saad 8:144.</ref> with the new revelation: “If you suspect rebellion from your wives, reason with them, then desert them in their beds, then beat them.”<ref>{{Quran|4|34}}.</ref> Muhammad explained his change in policy to the family of Habiba bint Zayd thus: “We wanted one thing, but Allah wanted another, and whatever Allah wants is good.”<ref>[http://www.altafsir.com/AsbabAlnuzol.asp?SoraName=4&Ayah=34&search=yes&img=A/ Guezzou/Wahidi Q4:34.]</ref> Muhammad was the community leader and he could have controlled a few men whose behaviour was socially unacceptable. If he felt the need to overlook domestic beating, he must have realised that it was practised by too high a proportion of the warriors on whose loyalty he depended. | How common was domestic violence in the Muslim community? There were doubtless families where it never happened. When Habiba bint Zayd disobeyed her husband, Saad ibn Al-Rabi, and he slapped her face, her father and brother complained to Muhammad.<ref>[http://www.altafsir.com/AsbabAlnuzol.asp?SoraName=4&Ayah=34&search=yes&img=A/ Al-Wahidi, ''Asbab Al-Nuzul''. Translated by Guezzou, M. (2011). ''Context of Revelation'', Q4:34. Amman, Jordan: Royal Aal al-Bayt Institute for Islamic Thought.]</ref> The spouses were cousins, and the objecting brother was Saad’s stepfather,<ref>See the genealogies in Guillaume/Ishaq 402 and Bewley/Saad 8:243, 245. Saad and his stepfather/brother-in-law/cousin Kharija were both killed at Uhud in March 625 and buried in a common grave. This was the same Kharija ibn Zayd whose daughter was married to Abu Bakr; after Kharija’s death, Abu Bakr frankly admitted that he beat her ({{Muslim|9|3506}}).</ref> so even within one family, there was no consensus over what was culturally normal. Muhammad advised, “Retaliation! And there is no other judgment to be held.”<ref>[http://www.altafsir.com/AsbabAlnuzol.asp?SoraName=4&Ayah=34&search=yes&img=A/ Guezzou/Wahidi Q4:34.]</ref> He then announced to the community, “Do not beat Allah’s handmaidens,”<ref>{{Abudawud|11|2141}}.</ref> and “they stopped beating them.”<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:144.</ref> The word “stopped” indicates that there were other families where it had been normal to beat wives (and daughters and sisters, since a “handmaiden” was not necessarily a “wife”). The respite did not last long. Umar, who was “rough and ready … toting a stick or whip, which he was never afraid to use on a person,”<ref>{{Tabari|14|pp. 120, 139}}.</ref> told Muhammad, “Women have become emboldened towards their husbands.” So Muhammad “gave permission to beat them”<ref>{{Abudawud|11|2141}}; Bewley/Saad 8:144.</ref> with the new revelation: “If you suspect rebellion from your wives, reason with them, then desert them in their beds, then beat them.”<ref>{{Quran|4|34}}.</ref> Muhammad explained his change in policy to the family of Habiba bint Zayd thus: “We wanted one thing, but Allah wanted another, and whatever Allah wants is good.”<ref>[http://www.altafsir.com/AsbabAlnuzol.asp?SoraName=4&Ayah=34&search=yes&img=A/ Guezzou/Wahidi Q4:34.]</ref> Muhammad was the community leader and he could have controlled a few men whose behaviour was socially unacceptable. If he felt the need to overlook domestic beating, he must have realised that it was practised by too high a proportion of the warriors on whose loyalty he depended. | ||