'Iddah (Female Menstrual Waiting Period): Difference between revisions

In Islamic Sharia, 'iddah or 'iddat (Arabic: العدة‎; period (of waiting)), also spelled iddah, idda, or iddat, is the period a woman must observe after the death of her husband or after a divorce, during which she may not marry another man.^[1] The 'iddah (waiting period) of different kind of women in Islam varies depending on her status:

• A widowed woman: The waiting period is 4 months and 10 days
• A pregnant woman: The waiting period is up to 9 months (till the birth of the baby)
• A divorced woman: The waiting period is 3 menstrual cycles. (On paper; in actuality she would not get the attention, love, or support and emotional help from any man for 6 menstrual cycles. The first 3 menstrual cycles are the process of Divorce, during which time she cannot not leave the husband's house, and her husband cannot touch her. And after the divorce, again she has to endure another "waiting period" of 3 more menstrual cycles with many restrictions. She practically has to stay under these strict restrictions for about 6 months).

Muslim Scholars claim that rulings of 'Iddah could neither be abolished, nor could be changed as the rulings of the Islamic Sharia are based upon wisdom, justice and the best interests of the women, and they protect the women against the gender oppression and misogyny, while the man made laws of the modern Western world lead to the sexual exploitation of the women^[2][3]. Yet all of these restrictions target only women, and the secular reasons given for these restrictions don't pass the test of reason.

‘Iddah and the ‘parentage’ of the child

Islamic legal texts make the claim that ‘Iddah is necessary in order to keep the ‘parentage’ of the child secure. Yet in point of fact, in light of modern science, being free of blood from the first menstrual cycle is not enough to know if a woman is or is not pregnant, even though Islamic law stipulates that the 'iddah (waiting period) of a new prisoner^[4], and also of a free Muslim woman who takes divorce through Khul'^[5]. According to Islamic law, after the first menstrual cycle Muslim men may have intercourse with them. Muhammad himself had sex with Saffiyah the same night, when in the day her father, brother and husband was killed, while she became free from blood of her first menstrual cycle the same day^[6]. Muhammad married her as a free woman. These facts cast doubt on the idea that the 3 month 'iddah of a divorced women or the 4 month 10 day 'iddah of a widdow has anything to do with determining parental rights and responsibilities

Restrictions upon the women during her 'Iddah:

The Islamic concept of 'Iddah entails a waiting period that a women must undergo between marriages. This period of waiting entails a number of restrictions on the woman before she can re-enter society, let alone marry again.

First Restriction: She has to undergo the 'Iddah even without any 'maintenance' money

According to the traditional rulings of shari'ah, the after the death and divorce of a woman's husband she is not entitlted to any support from his family or estate. As the Dar-ul-Ifta says:

A woman has no choice but to compulsorily undergo the 'Iddah of period of 4 months and 10 days (or up to 9 months in case of pregnancy), yet she has no right for maintenance money from the estate of her husband for this long period of time, and this in traditional cultures where women often rely upon men for their sustenance. In such cultures this stricture would be a huge financial burden upon the women, who often did not and do not even have any source of income in such cultures.

Second Restriction: She has to obligatorily stay only in the house of Husband during the ‘Iddah

According to the ruling of traditional Islamic Sharia'h, if a woman's husband dies then she is allowed to stay only in the house of her husband during this whole period of 'Iddah. She is not allowed to spend this time of 'Iddah in any other place (like house of her parents or any other family members).^[7][8] Sunan Abu Dawud bears witness to this custom, and further clarifies that her need for financial support is not to be taken into consideration:

The woman has to stay in the husband’s house, even if it doesn’t belong to her husband, or even if he hasn’t left any maintenance money for the wife

Although this clearly serves the purpose of insuring that the next man who marries her does not inherit a son from the previous marriage or another man she had relations with during her 'Iddah, the wellbeing of the woman here is not considered at all; her need to either work to support herself or be with her own family for succor and support is not taken into account at all, and neither is her freedom of movement and intention.

Third Restriction: The Woman should not leave the house even for daily walks, or visit the relatives or attend any social gathering

Many Islamic fatawa (religious rulings) decree that Muslim women observing their 'iddah must not leave their (husband's) house even for a walk and certainly not for any type of social gathering (Fatwa 1, Fatwa 2). Although this makes sense from the perspective of insuring that her next husband does not inherit the baby of a man she had relations with during her 'iddah and that any pregnancy which comes about in the 'iddah can only be the work of her husband, it completely disregards her human rights. No consideration is given for the women's freedom of movement, freedom of choice, social or relationship needs.

Fourth Restriction: The woman should not even use collyrium/kohl on her eyes for eye disease, since it beautifies her

Although a woman is allowed to take medical care during her ‘iddah, still she should not use collyrium/kohl as a cure even against any eye disease, since this substance can be used as a form of makeup to beautifie her.

Fifth Restriction: Women are not allowed to use good clothes, jewelry, perfume, Henna and to comb the hairs or to oil them

Women observing their 'Iddah are not allowed to wear good clothes, or jewelry, or use perfume or Henna. Even combing hairs and applying the oil to them is also forbidden^[9]. Washing the face with aloe is also forbidden.

Although these strictures again work to keep the woman from having any intercourse during her 'iddah by keeping herself relatively unnatractive, these laws once again completely disregard the happiness and freedom of the woman to whom they are applied. They also seem excessively harsh, as if she is truly keeping herself confined to her house the question arises as to who would see her with all of this makeup on even if she did apply it.

Sixth Restriction: She should give up her Natural needs of getting any emotional support and attention and love from any other partner during the ‘Iddah

Islam critics point out that:

• Need of sex is not only limited to men, but it is a natural need of woman too. But Islam does not recognise this right and natural need of a woman, and it has limited it to the man only. Thus, a woman is not allowed to have sex with any partner for this long period of time of ‘Iddah.
• But sex is not the only problem, while divorce or death of husband also comes with extreme emotional stress for the woman. This is exactly the time when some of them may need emotional support and attention from a caring partner the most, who could talk with them and give them love and attention, so that they feel themselves “secure” in the partner's arms.
• On the other hand, Muslim men are allowed to have sex with other wives and dozens of slave-girls the same night. There is absolutely no restrictions upon them to even control themselves for even for a single day.

Seventh Restriction: She could not secure herself and her children financially through relationship with any other partner in the ‘Iddah

Islam critics object here that the Hadith of Furay'ah (which has already been mentioned above) proves that a woman has to stay in the waiting period in the house of her deceased husband, even though he left no maintenance money for her.

• And women in Islamic society are poorly educated.
• And Islamic society also does not provide women with job opportunities too, but she has to face so many hurdles in doing a job outside.
• Thus, the best bet for such a divorced/widow Muslim woman (even if she is pregnant) is to get another partner and get herself and her children financially secured in this way.
• But Islam has also completely blocked this opportunity for the woman too. Neither other men are allowed to see her, nor to meet her and decide if they could come into the relationship, nor they could make any proposal to them.
• She is all alone during the ‘Iddah period to financially secure herself and her children.
  

Islamic Reasoning Behind the Restrictions: Promoting Virtue, Preventing Vice

A powerful idea within Islamic law and preaching is "promoting virtue and preventing vice" or in Arabic الأمر بالمعروف والنهي عن المنكر literally "commanding in virtue and denying in vice." Muslims scholars argue that the institution of the 'iddah is in harmony with this principle, as the isolation of the woman during this period keeps her from falling into Zina. This idea is maintained even though going to parks, picnics, going on walks, going to social gatherings, visiting their relatives and staying with their parents is normally allowed to never-married women, who could also theoretically fall into zina. Unmarried Muslim women not in undergoing their 'iddah are also allowed to use Kolh and perfume, and to wear jewerly and good clothes, to take part in Henna and to wash their faces with Aloe. Never the less, all of these things are forbidden to women undergoing their 'iddah.

Pre-Islamic Influences on the Concept of ‘Iddah

According to the following hadith, the concept of 'iddah was taken from pre-Islamic Arabian culture:

Apparently women even at the time the hadith was created were complaining of the burdens of the 'iddah, but the hadith admonishes them that they ought to be thankful for Islam, since in the jahiliyyah (the pre-islamic time of "ignorance" before the coming of Islam in the Arab peninsula) the 'iddah lasted a whole year. That there were complaints, though, can be seen from the existence of the hadith in the first place, so even in the time of this hadith women were not happy with them; by comparison, modern secular culture imposes no such restrictions on women at all.

Reason for 'Iddah of a widow

Many Islamic du'aah, shaykhs, and ulemaa' argue that the reason for the 4 month and 10 days long 'iddah of a widow is to 'mourn' the death of the husband.^[10] Yet it should be noted that there is no obligation of any “mourning” upon a man if the wife dies. There is a clear a double standard vis-a-vis the same situation involving a man and a woman:

• Husband is totally free to marry a new wife the same night, without any 'iddah
• A man is is also totally free to have sex with his other wives and dozens of slave girls the same night as his divorce, and there is no restriction upon him in name of "mourning."
• The 'iddah is only incumbent upon the woman in case of the death of her husband.

The 'iddah is even incumbent upon the widow in cases where she has never seen her husband after the marriage, in cases where the marriage has not been consummated, even if she is a minor child, or even if the marriage was abusive. ^[11] As such, feminist critics of the institution of the 'iddah have decried it as misogynist.

Reason for the 'Iddah of a pregnant woman

According to the Quran, the 'iddah of a pregnant woman is till the birth of a child (Quran 65:4).

Muhammad in the hadith of Sunan Abu Dawud justifies the practice in this manner:

This prohibition seems to imply some impurification of the fetus by the seed of the second man, but scientifically once the woman has been impregnated this is impossible, the DNA of the baby will not be affected by any other semen in the woman's body. This hadith thus seems to present an unscientific view of human gestation. In traditional societies where these laws were established, pregnant women were especially vulnerable and relied almost entirely upon men for their sustenance; yet the strictures of the 'iddah prevent her from finding support. Meanwhile, the man is under all circumstances able to take sexual pleasure from any other wife or sex slave that he possess immediately after the end of his marital bond.

'Iddah in case of divorce

The whole process of Divorce + ‘Iddah lasts for 6 menstrual cycles for a divorced woman. If the Muslim husband decides to give her a divorce, then the woman is still compelled to stay for the next 3 menstrual cycles with him in his house^[12]. During these 3 months, the wife is not allowed to come in contact with any man, and her husband also cannot touch her (or else the divorce will be cancelled and the marriage will be back in force). The woman is in a "solitary confinement" like situation in the house of her husband, yet the husband is free to have sex with other wives and slave girls during all this time.

The Necessity of the 'Iddah

Even if the husband has not touched her for the last 3 menstrual cycles, according to many Islamic shaikhs and ulema the woman still has to observe restrictions of 'Iddah of 3 more months^[13]. The restrictions of 'Iddah of 3 more menstrual cycles is meant to safeguard the parentage of the child in case she became pregnant from the previous husband. Yet in terms of how the actual process works, the witness of ONLY the man is accepted during the process of Talaq (i.e. on the fact he didn’t touch her for the last 3 menstrual cycles), and he obtains his divorce from her on the basis of his testimony alone. The process relies upon his testimony of no sexual contact during the 'iddah alone. Yet at the same time the witnesses of BOTH the Man and Woman are considered insufficient in the case of a sexless marriage, and the woman is still forced to undergo the 3 months of the 'iddah. Islamic law also allows the man to start having sex with the slave woman of another woman, on the bases of 'singular testimony' of the slave-girl alone, that she is not pregnant, and her owner made her Halal for him to use her as a sex object, yet the testimony of 2 Muslims (a man and a woman) cannot obviate the need for an 'iddah for the woman. These strictures apply past the first menstruation after the divorce, for children who are married, and also for old women, all of which indicates that the purpose of the 'iddah goes beyond merely ensuring paternity.

Necessity of the 'Iddah while a women is emotionally disturbed after the divorce

A common Muslim argument in favor of the 'iddah goes as the example below:

Islamic laws allows the pregnant woman to deliver a child after divorce or becoming a widow (be it only few hours), and then immediately wed to another man. The mental stress issue seems to be irrelevant in that case. Muhammad himself married Saffyah the same night, when in the day her husband was killed, and Muhammad didn't care if she was mentally stressed or emotionally attached with her previous husband.  

Gender Parity of the 'Iddah Regulations

Islam advocates claim that a woman has to stay in the house of husband for 3 menstrual cycles during the process of divorce, while this could provide them with the chance to reconcile^[14].

But Islam critics object to this process of divorce, and ask:

• But what if the husband is an abusive evil person? What if he tortures her all this period without any reason? What if he beats her so wildly that she gets bruises all over her body? Why they still she has to still stay with such an abusive husband for 3 months? (Please read the Khul' article, that woman could not get her freedom through Khul', even if the husband is abusive and tortures her. Only if he breaks any part of her body, in that case she could get her freedom through the court)
• Only the woman is forced to sacrifice in the name of so-called “reconcilement” in this Islamic Talaq process, while husband has to bring no sacrifice. He is free to have sex with all other wives and slave girls during this whole period of 3 months.

Moreover:

• Is there any guarantee that this dispute between husband and wife is going to resolve in 3 months time of Talaq process?
• Is it not possible that it may take more than 3 months that both of them come back in their senses and end the dispute after this period? For example, a man comes back to his senses after 1 years, and realises that it was a mistake to divorce his wife and she was totally innocent. Then what are the options available there to undo this mistake? The answer is, there are NO more options available, while she could not return to him without undergoing the process of Halala, which is considered as a shameful process. So, what then is the 'Divine Wisdom' in this ruling, which limits this reconcilationary period to only 3 menstrual cycles?

Moreover:

• Islam compels the woman to stay in the house of husband during the process of Talaq. While it has been seen that in cases of disputes, it could also be helpful that both parties take a break from each other and live separately for some period of time.
• This provides both parties with chance to ponder upon, and to learn from their mistakes in a better way and they realise their mistakes in a better way.
• When wife has to face the difficulties in living in house of her parents or brothers/sisters, then she realises quickly the importance of house of her husband. And when husband has to do all the work in the house alone, and has to take care of the children alone too, then he also realises his mistake quickly.
• But Islam closed this option for them by ordering the woman for not leaving the husband's house even in case of serious disputes.

Islam Critics: Pronouncing 3 Divorces in one sitting is also illogical and an Injustice towards the woman

Islam advocates say that Islam also allows pronouncing 3 divorces in one sitting, which will spare the woman of 3 months restrictions of divorce process. But Islam critics again object upon it and point out that:

• Only may is allowed to give Talaq in this way. Why these double standards? Is woman a 'brainless emotional creature', who could not take decisions about her own life.
• And this divorce becomes valid even if the wife was totally innocent, and he only pronounced 3 divorces in ANGER. This proves that blaming only women for being emotionally unstable is not correct, but men could also become totally emotionally unstable, especially in the state of Anger and they are capable of doing every kind of stupid things, including killing others.
• What type of Divine Wisdom is this, then to give right to such emotionally unstable men in anger to divorce their wives in 3 seconds, by saying 3 times Talaq Talaq Talaq?
• The consequences of such 3 times Talaq in anger has to be bear by the poor innocent wife, where her whole family is destroyed and she may loose her children too.
• And despite being totally innocent, again only she is forced to undergo the shameful process of Halala too, if she wishes to reunite with here family (i.e. husband and the children).
• Is it really that giving rights with Justice to the woman by Islam?

The Role of the 'Iddah in the Islamic Marriage

Islam critics claim while only the woman suffers during the long process of Islamic Talaq, thus it works as a weapon in hands of  an abusive husband, to blackmail her unjustly, and to usurp her rights by compelling her to give up her rights.

Islam critics point out that here occurs a contradiction in Islamic Sharia, while earlier at time of allowing 4 wives, the writer of Quran stipulated the condition of "Justice (Adl عدل)":

But later the writer of Quran allowed the husband to blackmail the wife by threatening her with divorce, and showing contempt and evasion and thus compelling her to give away her rights in the name of settlement. Thus, the condition of Justice was abrogated for the so-called settlement which is always going in favor of the husband while he controls the right of giving divorce.

Muhammad himself threatened his wife Sawdah with Talaq (while she was older in age as compared to the other wives of Muhammad). Thus, Sawadah started weeping and she came to ‘Aisha’s house and told Muhammad that she was ready to give her TURN To ‘Aisaha, but Muhammad should not make her homeless by divorcing her in that old age. Sawdah served Muhammad the longest, and in the most difficult times, and she did nothing wrong. Still she had to suffer, and to give up her right in name of so-called 'settlement'.

Implantation Bleeding Despite Being pregnant

Islamic du'aah and shaikhs claim that the Islamic 'Iddah of 3 menstrual cycles is correct, while some women have implantation bleeding despite being pregnant, and it is difficult for a woman to differentiate between he periods and the implantation bleeding.

While Islam critics say that:

• Laws and rules are made on the bases of "Generality", and not on the bases of "Exceptions".
• Islam itself does not accepts this "exceptional" incidents for making the "general laws".
• Therefore, Islam itself made a law that the 'Iddah of a prisoner/slave woman is only one menstrual cycle.

Islam advocates reply it by saying that the 'status' of a slave woman is not equal to the the status of a free woman, and thus Islam is correct to extend the 'Iddah of free woman to 3 months in case of divorce.

But Islam critics point out that:

• This issue is not about the 'status' of a slave woman or a free woman, but the issue is about the 'parentage' of the child, which stays the same in both the cases.
• And even the 'Iddah of free Muslim woman in Islam in case of Khul' is only one period^[15].
• And Muhammad himself slept with Saffiyyah the same night when her first menstrual blood stopped. Note that Saffiyyah was not a slave, but a free woman when Muhammad took her as a wife.

Thus Islam critics claim that:

• There is no Hadith of Muhammad present, in which he ever mentioned 'Iddah of 3 periods due to any Implantation bleeding.
• Muhammad adopted the practice of 'Iddah, while it was the tradition of that era, and Muhammad was a part of that society.
• But in the modern era, when science discovered these facts, then Muslims now try to present these scientific discoveries as miracles of Islam.
• But Muslims will fail, as contradictions in Islam will then occur (like Muslims having sex with prisoner/slave women and  while Muhammad had himself sex with Saffiyyah after only the first menstrual cycle.
• And what about a minor girl wife (who does not menstruate yet), or an old lady (who could not bear any children), or a woman who hasn't seen her husband for years? Muhammad ordered them too to observe the 'Iddah of 3 periods (or 3 months) too. But why? Certainly not due to the implantation bleeding in them, but while it was a tradition of that era.

The 'Iddah of Slaves and Women Taken As War Booty

Islam critics point out that:

• Muslim are allowed to derive sexual pleasures from the prisoner virgin girls with ‘penetration’ the same night, without giving them any 'waiting period' to mourn their dead family members.
• And as far as the prisoner women are concerned, who already have husbands, then penetration in their vaginas is not allowed till they become free of their first menstrual period. But still Muslims are allowed to undress them the same night and to take all kind of other sexual pleasures and sex services with their naked bodies except for penetration.

According to Islamic Scholars, the Fiqh (Jurisprudence) of Imam Bukhari lies in the “Headings of Chapters” of his Book. And Imam Bukhari gave this heading in his book Sahih Bukhari^[16]:

Chapter: If one buys a slave woman, can he then take her along with him in a journey without her completing her waiting period?

Under this heading, Imam Bukhari writes:

In order to understand the trauma of those captive women due to the killing of their relatives, please see the following tradition.

Islam critics thus question the double standards here:

• On one side, Islam advocates claim that a Muslim woman is not allowed to be wed during 3 periods/months long 'Iddah while she is mentally under stress after the divorce.
• But on the other side, they deny any such mental stress for the prisoner women and girls. And what to talk about divorce, but even after killing all the men of their family, Muslim men use them as sex object the same night. They are provided with no 'waiting period' to come out of their mental stress.

Contrary to Islam, the Judaism and the Christianity allowed the prisoner women to mourn their relatives for one complete month, during which men were not allowed to take any other sexual services from them.

Islam critics point out that Muhammad rejected the Sharia of Moses in this case, and he followed the laws of the pagan Arab society of that time, as it benefitted him and the Muslims financially and they were free to seek sexual pleasures through the prisoner women the same night.

References