Khadijah bint Khuwaylid: Difference between revisions

'''Khadijah''' or '''Khadīja bint Khuwaylid''' (خديجة بنت خويلد‎) was Prophet [[Muhammad]]’s first wife and she was his only wife as long as she lived.<ref>Ibn Hisham note 127, note 918. {{Muslim|31|5975}}.</ref> She is known to Muslims as ''al-Kubra'' (“the Great”)<ref>E.g., [http://www.al-islam.org/khadija/ Razwy, S. A. A. (1990). ''Khadija tul Kubra: A Short Story of Her Life''. New York: Tahrike Tarsile Qur'an.]</ref> and ''al-Tahira'' (“the Pure”).<ref>E.g., [http://l.b5z.net/i/u/6103974/f/wives_of_the_prophet.pdf/ Mus’ad, M. F. (2001). ''Wives of the Prophet Muhammad: their Strives and Their Lives'', p. 7. Cairo: Islamic Inc.]</ref> Twelve of [[Muhammad's Wives|Muhammad’s wives]] are credited with the title ''Umm al-Muminun'' (“Mother of the Faithful”),<ref>{{Quran|33|6}}.</ref> but Khadijah occupies a unique position as the Mother of [[Islam]] itself.

Khadijah was born in Mecca, a member of the dominant Quraysh tribe. Her grandfather Asad, chief of her clan, was a grandson of Qusayy ibn Kilab, Keeper of the Ka’aba and despot over Mecca.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 24, 82.</ref> This Qusayy had also been a great-great-great-grandfather of Muhammad.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 3.</ref> Her mother, Fatima bint Za’ida, was from another Quraysh clan, the Amir ibn Luayy.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 82.</ref> The name ''Khadijah'' means “premature”,<ref>“Khadija” in [http://www.almaany.com/home.php?language=english&lang_name=Arabic&word=Khadija/ Almaany Arabic-English Dictionary]. [http://www.behindthename.com/name/Khadija/ Behind the Name].</ref> suggesting the circumstances of her birth.

Khadijah’s personality is described as “determined and intelligent”.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 82.</ref> Although it is not explicitly stated that her father was a merchant, “the Quraysh were a people given to commerce,”<ref>Guilaume/Ishaq, p. 82.</ref> so Khadijah probably spent her childhood sitting in the bazaars learning to drive bargains. Her known siblings were two brothers, Hizam<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 160.</ref> and Al-Awwam,<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 62.</ref> two sisters, Ruqayqa<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:180.</ref> and Hala,<ref>{{Bukhari|5|58|168}}</ref> and a paternal half-brother, Nawfal.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 177.</ref> At one stage, there was talk of marrying Khadijah off to her cousin, Waraqa ibn Nawfal, but this never happened.<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:9.</ref>

Khadija’s first husband was Atiq ibn A’idh (or Abid), a junior member of the Makhzum clan.<ref>Ibn Hisham note 918. Bewley/Saad 8:151.</ref> The Makhzumites had grown wealthy on trade, and their generosity had won them the loyalty of their neighbours. They were now serious contenders for the leadership of the city.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 142-143. See also Bewley/Saad 8:61; {{Tabari|39|p. 196}}.</ref> This match was therefore a step up the social scale for Khadija, though perhaps a small step if her family also had money. Atiq and Khadija had two children, suggesting – since Khadija produced her children within two-year intervals<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:10. [http://www.soebratie.nl/religie/hadith/IbnSad.html#Book 36.2/ Ibn Saad, ''Tabaqat'' 1:36:2].</ref> – that the marriage lasted between two and four years. From their daughter, Hind, Khadija derived her ''kunya'' Umm Hind.<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:9. {{Tabari|39|p. 161}}.</ref> Their son, Abdullah,<ref>Ibn Hisham note 918.</ref> died in infancy.<ref>[http://www.oocities.org/tirmidhihadith/page1.html/ Tirmidhi 117].</ref> Most sources state that Atiq died,<ref>{{Tabari|9|p. 127}}.</ref> although there is a variant tradition that the marriage ended in divorce.<ref>[https://docs.google.com/viewer?url=http://www.kister.huji.ac.il/sites/default/files/khadija.pdf&embedded=true/ Kister (1993)] summarises these sources, citing Ibn Ishaq, as transmitted by Yunus ibn Bukayr, ''Al-Siyar wa-l-Maghazi'' p. 82, and Majlisi, ''Bihar al-Anwar'' vol. 16 p. 10, for Atiq’s death, and Baladhuri, ''Ansab al-Ashraf'' vol. 1 pp. 406-407, for divorce.</ref>

It is not known when or how Abu Hala died, but the Sacrilegious War against the Qays-Aylan tribe dominated the years 591–594.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 82. [http://www.soebratie.nl/religie/hadith/IbnSad.html#Book 32.1/ Ibn Saad, ''Tabaqat'' 1:32:1]. Strangely, Ibn Hisham note 124 claims an outbreak date as early as 585. Although note 124 was designed to be read immediately after the statement of Ibn Ishaq that it contradicts, there is not a word of explanation for the inconsistency. However, the preliminary hostilities commenced several years before the first full-fledged battle ([http://www.answering-islam.org/Books/Muir/Life2/chap2.htm/ Muir (1861) vol. 2 pp. 2-5]). One possible explanation is that Ibn Hisham deliberately confused the first informal skirmish (when Muhammad was 14) with the first battle proper (when Muhammad was 20) so that his youth might excuse his less-than-glorious prowess in the fighting [http://www.answering-islam.org/Books/Muir/Life2/chap2.htm/ (Muir, 1861, pp. 6-7f)].</ref> Khadija’s brother Hizam was killed in the second round of the conflict,<ref>{{Tabari|39|p. 41}}</ref> and their father Khuwaylid, who must have been some sixty years old, was a commander on the field.<ref>Waqidi, ''Kitab al-Maghazi'', cited in [http://www.answering-islam.org/Books/Muir/Life2/chap2.htm/ Muir (1861) vol. 2 pp. 7f9, 22, 24f28].</ref> After Abu Hala’s death, several prominent citizens proposed marriage to the widowed Khadija, some of them investing great sums of money into their courtship, but her father vetoed every match.<ref>{{Tabari|6|pp. 48-49}}. [http://www.soebratie.nl/religie/hadith/IbnSad.html#Book 35.1/ Ibn Saad, ''Tabaqat'' 1:35:1].</ref>

The reason why Khadija attracted so many suitors was that she was the richest woman in Mecca. By the time Abu Hala died, she had become “a merchant woman of dignity and wealth. She used to hire men to carry merchandise outside the country.”<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 82.</ref> While the legends that “half the trade in Mecca” belonged to Khadija<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:10.</ref> are doubtless exaggerated, she may well have been the wealthiest single trader. The traditions do not state in what commodity she dealt, but among the exports of Mecca are mentioned leather, wool, perfume, silver, cheese and dried raisins.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 424, 547, 716. See also Crone, P. (2007). Quraysh and the Roman army: Making sense of the Meccan leather trade. ''Bulletin of SOAS, 70'', 63–88.</ref> Nor is it known how she originally acquired her business. Perhaps her father helped to set her up, but this opens the question of why Khadija became more prosperous than any of her siblings. If she had a backer not available to them, it was probably one or both of her husbands. Or perhaps the business flourished because of Khadija’s personal talents and efforts.

Two months later Muhammad returned to Mecca with merchandise worth nearly double what Khadija had expected.<ref>{{Tabari|6|p. 48}}. Bewley/Saad 8:10.</ref> Goods commonly imported from Syria included grain, oil, wine, weapons, cotton and linen.<ref>Crone, P. (2007). [http://www.encislam.brill.nl/public/makka/ “Makka” in Bearman, P., et al. (Eds.) (2006).]</ref> As Khadija worked on a profit-share basis,<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 82.</ref> she doubled Muhammad’s commission.<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:10.</ref> It is said that Khadija later dispatched him on a second trip, this time to Tihama<ref>{{Tabari|6|p. 49}}</ref> in Yemen to import frankincense, myrrh and fine textiles.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 128, 158, 271.</ref> It is not clear whether Khadija took the unusual step of sending her agent southwards in the heat of summer<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 58. [http://www.encislam.brill.nl/public/makka/ “Makka” in Bearman, P., et al. (Eds.) (2006).] See also {{Quran|106|2}}.</ref> in order to import a near-monopoly; or whether this second venture occurred during a subsequent winter, after Muhammad and Khadija were already married, and the detail that she “employed” him is an error; or whether the whole timeline has been confused, and these events occurred over a longer timespan than is usually assumed. What is certain is that by the summer of 595, Khadija had decided to marry her agent.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 82; Bewley/Saad 8:10.</ref>

Khadija sent as her intermediary Nafisa bint Umayya, a half-negro freedwoman from Abu Hala’s tribe.<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:10, 172. She is sometimes known matrilinearly as Nafisa bint Munya, suggesting that she was illegitimate.</ref> Nafisa approached Muhammad at the bazaar and asked why he had never married. He replied that he could not afford to support a family. “But if money were no obstacle,” Nafisa persisted, “would you be willing to marry a lady of wealth, rank and beauty?” Muhammad asked which lady of that description would be willing to take him, and Nafisa named Khadija. Muhammad instantly expressed his willingness.<ref>[http://www.soebratie.nl/religie/hadith/IbnSad.html#Book 35.1/ Ibn Saad, ''Tabaqat'' 1:35:1].</ref> When Khadija next sent for Muhammad, it was to make a formal proposal. She spoke of how his noble ancestry, good reputation and personal honesty rendered him eligible, and offered herself as his wife.<ref>{{Tabari|6|p. 48}}.</ref>

Nor is there any reason to assume that Khadija was physically unattractive. If the report of Abdullah ibn Abbas is correct, she was a mere three years older than Muhammad, which hardly qualifies as an age-difference. While a modern hagiography that describes her as “beautiful, tall and light-skinned”<ref>[http://www.maaref-foundation.com/english/library/pro_ahl/fatima/fatima_the_gracious/03.htm/ Ordoni, Abu M. (1987). ''Fatima the Gracious'', p. 27. Qum: Ansariyan Publications.]</ref> does not cite early sources, the servant Nafisa had also mentioned that she was “beautiful”.<ref>[http://www.soebratie.nl/religie/hadith/IbnSad.html#Book 35.1/ Ibn Saad, ''Tabaqat'' 1:35:1].</ref> Even if Nafisa was exaggerating (the word “beautiful” in this context usually means “normal-looking” as opposed to deformed or ugly), she achieved no purpose in telling an outright lie to a man who already knew what Khadija looked like.

Khadija asked for a dower of 20 camels.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 82; Ibn Hisham note 918.</ref> Twenty camels would have been worth about £8,000,<ref>Numerous ''ahadith'' such as {{Bukhari|2|24|528}} and {{Muslim|10|3893}} indicate that a camel cost about 80 ''dirhams'', although this varied with the age and health of the camel. Hence 20 camels would be worth 1,600 ''dirhams''. {{Bukhari|5|59|357}} indicates that an annual income of 5,000 ''dirhams'' was a comfortable living, so Khadija’s dower was equivalent to four months’ (middle-class) income. However, it seems that a frugal person could survive on a ''dirham'' a day ([http://www.answering-islam.org/Books/Muir/Life4/chap25.htm/ Muir (1861) vol. 4 p. 156]), so the same sum came to over four years’ wages for a labourer. While it is almost impossible to calculate equivalent prices for such a different culture, the ''dirham'', a silver coin, was the price of a wooden bowl or a ground-sheet ({{Abudawud|9|1637}}) or a cheap necklace ({{Abudawud|14|2704}}), so we might, very roughly, think of a ''dirham'' as £5. A ''dinar'', a gold coin worth 10 ''dirhams'', was the price of a sheep.</ref> which was four times the dower that Muhammad gave to any of his subsequent wives.<ref>{{Tabari|39|p. 189}}. See also Ibn Hisham note 918. The same 400 ''dirhams'' (£2,000) was also the ransom for a war-captive ({{Abudawud|14|2685}}) or the starting price for a slave ({{Tabari|39|p. 6}}).</ref> This suggests that Khadija was “worth four women” to him, i.e. that it was part of their marriage contract that he would not take another wife in her lifetime. A poor man like Muhammad would have had some trouble amassing such a hefty gift, even if he returned all the beasts that Khadija had personally given him (she had paid his commissions in camels).<ref>[http://www.soebratie.nl/religie/hadith/IbnSad.html#Book 34.1/ Ibn Saad, ''Tabaqat'' 1:34:2.]</ref> His good fortune in attracting the wealthiest woman in Mecca must have delighted the investment-seeking Abu Talib, and we can only assume that the family combined resources to raise the dower.

This story also reveals how Khadija and Muhammad understood consent. It did not need to be “free” or “informed”; any type of consent was legally binding. This theme was to recur in Muhammad’s life. He was to extract consent at sword-point,<ref>E.g., Guillaume/Ishaq 547.</ref> under duress,<ref>E.g., Guillaume/Ishaq 314-315. Bewley/Saad 8:87-88.</ref> from an immature or unsound mind,<ref>E.g., Bewley/Saad 8:43.</ref> by withholding essential information,<ref>E.g., Guillaume/Ishaq 463-464. {{Tabari|39|p. 165}}.</ref> by offering a false dichotomy between two bad alternatives,<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:40. Guillaume/Ishaq 493.</ref> by exploiting spiritual beliefs,<ref>[http://altafsir.com/Tafasir.asp?tMadhNo=0&tTafsirNo=74&tSoraNo=33&tAyahNo=36&tDisplay=yes&UserProfile=0/ Jalalayn, ''Tafsir'' Q33:36]. See also {{Quran|33|36}}. {{Bukhari|3|43|648}}, {{Muslim|4|3511}}.</ref> through bribery<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 438; 594-597.</ref> or by making promises that he intended to break.<ref>E.g., Guillaume/Ishaq 504, 509. Bewley/Saad 8:181-182.</ref> Yet he never suggested there was any kind of ethical problem in extracting consent in whatever manner might succeed; it was the one who consented to Muhammad, no matter how, who was morally obliged to stand by his word.

Muhammad and Khadija were married for 25 years. Modern biographies of Khadija sometimes include such statements as:

It should not be assumed that Muhammad’s fidelity to Khadija caused him any particular hardship. She was equally faithful to him; and to judge by the regularity of her childbearing, his quickness to “draw close to her” for comfort,<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 106</ref> and her deliberate ploy of using sex to distract him from his troubles,<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 107; {{Tabari|6|p. 73}}.</ref> she made herself very sexually available to him. Muhammad’s compliance with this convenient arrangement therefore reveals more about his common sense than about his virtue.

Khadija brought three stepchildren into the marriage. It is striking how little is known about them. Later historians eagerly collected every possible scrap of information about Muhammad, down to how he cleaned his teeth<ref>{{Bukhari|1|4|245}}</ref> and his attitude to a broken sandal.<ref>{{Muslim|24|5235}}</ref> People who had lived under his roof should have been in high demand as eyewitnesses. Yet by the time the traditions were committed to writing, almost everything about his stepchildren had been forgotten. This implies that their lives did not intersect very much with those of the Muslim community.

When a drought caused widespread hardship, Khadija presented Muhammad’s former foster mother with 40 sheep and a camel loaded with supplies.<ref>[http://www.soebratie.nl/religie/hadith/IbnSad.html#Book 27.20/ Ibn Saad, ''Tabaqat'' 1:27:20.]</ref> Muhammad volunteered to relieve his uncle Abu Talib by taking charge of one of the latter’s children. Thereafter Muhammad and Khadija brought up Muhammad’s young cousin Ali but they did not adopt him legally.<ref>{{Tabari|6|p. 83}}.</ref> Again, Muhammad always made a great show of affection towards Ali<ref>E.g., Guillaume/Ishaq 234, 286, 293, 593, 650; {{Bukhari|4|52|219}}; {{Muslim|1|141}}; {{Muslim|31|5917}}.</ref> and even gave him Fatima as his wife.<ref>{{Tabari|39|p. 167}}.</ref> But the apparent success of this family arrangement has to be set against the reality that Ali grew up with a remarkable lack of empathy for other human beings.<ref>E.g., Guillaume/Ishaq 496; {{Bukhari|5|59|637}}; {{Bukhari|8|82|803}}; {{Bukhari|8|81|769}}; {{Bukhari|9|84|57}}.</ref>

Modern hagiographers sometimes claim that the virtuous Khadija could never have been an idolater.

It is not stated what Muhammad and Khadija did with their idol; nor is it known which religious group, if any, they joined next. Monotheists who lived in or travelled through Mecca included Jews, Christians, Zoroastrians and Sabians;<ref>{{Quran|2|62}}. {{Quran|5|69}}. {{Quran|22|17}}. Guillaume/Ishaq 90, 106.</ref> but Zayd ibn Amr did not identify with any of these groups. However, there is little doubt that Muhammad and Khadija learned monotheistic ideas – Heaven, Hell, holy books, prophets – from Khadija’s cousins Waraqa ibn Nawfal and Uthman ibn Al-Huwayrith and from Muhammad’s cousin Ubaydallah ibn Jahsh.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 99.</ref> Khadija began to speak as if there was only one God,<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 106-107.</ref> though why she referred to this deity as “Allah” is a more complex question than can be addressed here.

[[File:Mount Hira Cave.jpg|left|thumb|This cave in Mount Hira is widely believed to be the same cave where Muhammad first encountered Jibreel. It is now a popular tourist destination for Muslim pilgrims.|200px]]

Muhammad never again mentioned being afraid of the angel. Thenceforth he reported regular visits from Jibreel, who brought new revelations from Allah.<ref>{{Bukhari|1|1|3}}. {{Bukhari|6|60|478}}. Guillaume/Ishaq 111-112.</ref> One of the earliest messages concerned the correct ritual for the five daily prayers. After this Muhammad was often to be seen in full public view, first abluting then standing face to the Ka’aba to pray, with Ali at his side and Khadija a pace behind them.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 112-114. Bewley/Saad 8:11.</ref> Khadija, the First Lady of Mecca, accepted from the beginning of Islam that a woman’s place was behind the men. Their four daughters and Zayd were also among the earliest converts.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 114-115, 313-314.</ref> After the conversion of Abu Bakr, of course, there was no turning back.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 114-117.</ref>

After three years and some fifty converts,<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 115-117.</ref> it was known throughout Mecca that Muhammad considered himself a prophet. Nobody really cared<ref>{{Tabari|6|p. 93}}.</ref> until the day when he gathered his relatives together for a dinner-party and invited them to forsake their idols and submit to Allah. But no mass-conversions followed;<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 117-119.</ref> the Meccans doubted, questioned and ignored him. Discouraged, Muhammad confided his troubles to Khadija,<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 191.</ref> who was quick to console him. The citizens of Mecca accused him of outright lying, and Khadija continued to reassure him that he was a prophet.<ref>Ibn Hanbal, ''Musnad'' volume 6 p. 117-118.</ref> Debates led to angry arguments and mockery, and Khadija disparaged their folly. Notwithstanding this concise summary of Khadija’s attitude, surprisingly few specifics are recorded. The exact words of her counter-mockery do not survive, and nor is it precisely described how she “helped him in his work.”<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 117.</ref> There are very few ''ahadith'' about her everyday life with Muhammad or her involvement in community affairs, although there must have been multiple witnesses to both.  

“The Quraysh blocked food-grain and other necessaries.”<ref>[http://www.soebratie.nl/religie/hadith/IbnSad.html#Book 53.1/ Ibn Saad, ''Tabaqat'' 1:53:1].</ref> For supplies the Hashimites had to depend on smuggler-friends who were willing and able to bypass the Meccans.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 160.</ref> For example, Hisham ibn Amr “used to bring a camel laden with food by night, and then when he had got it to the mouth of the alley, he took off its halter, gave it a whack on the side, and sent it into the alley to them. He would do the same thing another time, bringing clothes for them.”<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 118.</ref> As the Hashimites had no way of earning money to pay for this food, they had to expend their savings. Over the next three years, Khadija exhausted all her wealth to support the community.<ref>Ibn Hanbal, ''Musnad'' vol. 6 pp. 117-118.</ref> Whether everyone else’s money also ran out, or whether the Quraysh became more efficient at intercepting the smugglers, “the severity of the blockade became so intense that the screams of their children could be heard from behind the mountain pass. Some of the Quraysh were happy at this, while others felt sorry. [The Hashimites] remained in the mountain pass for three years.”<ref>[http://www.soebratie.nl/religie/hadith/IbnSad.html#Book 53.1/ Ibn Saad, ''Tabaqat'' 1:53:1].</ref>

Muslims speak with pride of how Muhammad was faithful to Khadija. Typical remarks are:

The boycott against the Hashim clan was lifted “in the tenth year” (between August 619 and August 620), and Muhammad’s clan returned to their houses in Mecca.<ref>[http://www.soebratie.nl/religie/hadith/IbnSad.html#Book 53.3/ Ibn Saad, ''Tabaqat'' 1:53:3].</ref> By this time, Khadija was dying.<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:12.</ref> Muhammad comforted her in her final illness with the reminder that she was going to her jewelled palace in Paradise – so she must convey his best wishes to her co-wives. When Khadija expressed surprise at the news that Muhammad already had deceased wives, he explained that Allah had wedded him in Paradise to Queen Asiya, to “Kulthum the sister of Moses” and to the Virgin Mary. The theme of having four wives appears to have been on his mind even in his last moments with Khadija. She responded with the conventional congratulation to a newlywed: “May the union be blessed.”<ref>[http://www.al-islam.org/hayat-al-qulub-vol2-allamah-muhammad-baqir-al-majlisi/ Majlisi, ''Hayat al-Qulub'' 2:26.] Muhammad’s invention of the character “Kulthum” appears to be the aftermath of his embarrassing discovery that the sister of Moses was not identical with the Virgin Mary. (See {{Quran-range|19|27|28}}; {{Muslim|25|5326}}.) He must have over-corrected his error by deducing that Moses’ sister was not even named Maryam.</ref>

Khadija died on 10 Ramadan “in the tenth year of prophethood, three years before the ''Hijra'',” i.e., on 22 April 620, and was buried in Mount Hajun Cemetery near Mecca.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 191. {{Tabari|39|pp. 4, 161}}. Bewley/Saad 8:152. Yet another disputed fact about Khadija’s life is the date of her death. Ibn Saad (Bewley 8:12) also cites 20 Ramadan (2 May) of the tenth year. [https://docs.google.com/viewer?url=http://www.kister.huji.ac.il/sites/default/files/khadija.pdf&embedded=true/ Kister (1993)] summarises several traditions that cite variant years: one, two, four, five or six years before the ''Hijra''. Assuming that Ibn Ishaq, Ibn Saad and Tabari are correct to prefer “three years before the ''Hijra''”, this suggests a miscalculation on the part of those modern biographers who state that Khadija died in 619.</ref>