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During one quarrel between Aisha and Muhammad, Abu Bakr walked in. Muhammad asked, “Abu Bakr, will you obtain my right from Aisha?” Aisha said, “You speak [first] but tell the truth.” Abu Bakr said, “O enemy of yourself, does he utter anything but the truth?”<ref>[http://www.ghazali.org/books/marriage.pdf/ Ghazali, ''Iḥyaa uloom al-Deen'' vol. 2 chapter 2. Translated by Farah, M. “Book on the Etiquette of Marriage,” p. 95, in ''The Revival of the Religious Sciences''.]</ref> In one version of the story, he “raised his hand and struck her hard on the chest.”<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:56.</ref> In an alternative version, “he struck her until her mouth bled.”<ref>[http://www.ghazali.org/books/marriage.pdf/ Farah/Ghazali vol. 2 p. 95].</ref> Muhammad said, “May Allah forgive you, Abu Bakr! I did not mean this!”<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:56.</ref> But in neither version of the story did Muhammad require Abu Bakr to apologise to Aisha, let alone to undergo any of the violent punishments that he imposed on a slanderer, a thief or an adulterer.<ref>{{Abudawud|41|4981}} also reports a variant.</ref> | During one quarrel between Aisha and Muhammad, Abu Bakr walked in. Muhammad asked, “Abu Bakr, will you obtain my right from Aisha?” Aisha said, “You speak [first] but tell the truth.” Abu Bakr said, “O enemy of yourself, does he utter anything but the truth?”<ref>[http://www.ghazali.org/books/marriage.pdf/ Ghazali, ''Iḥyaa uloom al-Deen'' vol. 2 chapter 2. Translated by Farah, M. “Book on the Etiquette of Marriage,” p. 95, in ''The Revival of the Religious Sciences''.]</ref> In one version of the story, he “raised his hand and struck her hard on the chest.”<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:56.</ref> In an alternative version, “he struck her until her mouth bled.”<ref>[http://www.ghazali.org/books/marriage.pdf/ Farah/Ghazali vol. 2 p. 95].</ref> Muhammad said, “May Allah forgive you, Abu Bakr! I did not mean this!”<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:56.</ref> But in neither version of the story did Muhammad require Abu Bakr to apologise to Aisha, let alone to undergo any of the violent punishments that he imposed on a slanderer, a thief or an adulterer.<ref>{{Abudawud|41|4981}} also reports a variant.</ref> | ||
How common was domestic violence in the Muslim community? There were doubtless some families where it never happened. When Habiba bint Zayd disobeyed her husband, Saad ibn Al-Rabi, and he slapped her face, her father and brother complained to Muhammad.<ref>[http://www.altafsir.com/Books/Asbab%20Al-Nuzul%20by%20Al-Wahidi.pdf/ Al-Wahidi, ''Context of Revelation''], translation by Mokrane Guezzou, p. 51.</ref> The spouses were cousins, and the objecting brother was Saad’s stepfather,<ref>See the genealogies in Guillaume/Ishaq 402 and Bewley/Saad 8:243, 245. Saad and his stepfather/brother-in-law/cousin Kharija were both killed at Uhud in March 625 and buried in a common grave. This was the same Kharija ibn Zayd whose daughter was married to Abu Bakr; after Kharija’s death, Abu Bakr frankly admitted that he beat her ({{Muslim|9|3506}}).</ref> so even within one family, there was no consensus over what was culturally normal. Muhammad advised, “Retaliation! And there is no other judgment to be held.”<ref>[http://www.altafsir.com/Books/Asbab%20Al-Nuzul%20by%20Al-Wahidi.pdf/ Guezzou/Wahidi], p. 51.</ref> | How common was domestic violence in the Muslim community? There were doubtless some families where it never happened. When Habiba bint Zayd disobeyed her husband, Saad ibn Al-Rabi, and he slapped her face, her father and brother complained to Muhammad.<ref>[http://www.altafsir.com/Books/Asbab%20Al-Nuzul%20by%20Al-Wahidi.pdf/ Al-Wahidi, ''Context of Revelation''], translation by Mokrane Guezzou, p. 51.</ref> The spouses were cousins, and the objecting brother was Saad’s stepfather,<ref>See the genealogies in Guillaume/Ishaq 402 and Bewley/Saad 8:243, 245. Saad and his stepfather/brother-in-law/cousin Kharija were both killed at Uhud in March 625 and buried in a common grave. This was the same Kharija ibn Zayd whose daughter was married to Abu Bakr; after Kharija’s death, Abu Bakr frankly admitted that he beat her ({{Muslim|9|3506}}).</ref> so even within one family, there was no consensus over what was culturally normal. Muhammad advised, “Retaliation! And there is no other judgment to be held.”<ref>[http://www.altafsir.com/Books/Asbab%20Al-Nuzul%20by%20Al-Wahidi.pdf/ Guezzou/Wahidi], p. 51.</ref> He then announced to the community, “Do not beat Allah’s handmaidens,”<ref>{{Abudawud|11|2141}}.</ref> and “they stopped beating them.”<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:144.</ref> The word “stopped” indicates that there were other families where it had been normal to beat wives (and daughters and sisters, since a “handmaiden” was not necessarily a “wife”). The respite did not last long. Umar, who was “rough and ready … toting a stick or whip, which he was never afraid to use on a person,”<ref>{{Tabari|14|pp. 120, 139}}.</ref> told Muhammad, “Women have become emboldened towards their husbands.” So Muhammad “gave permission to beat them”<ref>{{Abudawud|11|2141}}; Bewley/Saad 8:144.</ref> with the new revelation: “If you suspect rebellion from your wives, reason with them, then desert them in their beds, then beat them.”<ref>{{Quran|4|34}}.</ref> Muhammad explained his change in policy to the family of Habiba bint Zayd thus: “We wanted one thing, but Allah wanted another, and whatever Allah wants is good.”<ref>[http://www.altafsir.com/Books/Asbab%20Al-Nuzul%20by%20Al-Wahidi.pdf/ Guezzou/Wahidi], pp. 51-52.</ref> Muhammad was the community leader and he could have controlled a few men whose behaviour was socially unacceptable. If he felt the need to overlook domestic beating, he must have realised that it was practised by too high a proportion of the warriors on whose loyalty he depended. | ||
After the new revelation, “in the night seventy women came to the family of Muhammad, all of whom complained about their husbands.”<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:144.</ref> If they came by night, they presumably did not feel safe to complain in the open. “So Allah’s Apostle said: ‘Many women have gone round Muhammad's family complaining against their husbands. They are not the best among you.’”<ref>{{Abudawud|11|2141}}.</ref> Elsewhere he warned that women who complained about their husbands were likely to go to Hell.<ref>E.g., {{Bukhari|7|62|125}} “I saw the (Hell) Fire, and I have never before, seen such a horrible sight as that, and I saw that the majority of its dwellers were women … because … they are not thankful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favours done to them. Even if you do good to one of them all your life, when she senses some harshness from you, she will say, ‘I have never seen any good from you.’” See also {{Bukhari|1|6|301}} and {{Bukhari|2|18|161}}.</ref> When Tamima bint Wahb came to Aisha for help because she was covered with bruises from her husband’s beatings, Aisha observed: “Her face is greener than her veil. Believing women suffer more than any others!” Muhammad took no interest in Tamima’s bruises; he only attended to determining why her marriage had apparently never been consummated.<ref>{{Bukhari|7|72|715}}; Bewley/Saad 8:295.</ref> He also had no recorded reaction to Aisha’s complaint that pagans treated their wives better than Muslims did. | After the new revelation, “in the night seventy women came to the family of Muhammad, all of whom complained about their husbands.”<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:144.</ref> If they came by night, they presumably did not feel safe to complain in the open. “So Allah’s Apostle said: ‘Many women have gone round Muhammad's family complaining against their husbands. They are not the best among you.’”<ref>{{Abudawud|11|2141}}.</ref> Elsewhere he warned that women who complained about their husbands were likely to go to Hell.<ref>E.g., {{Bukhari|7|62|125}} “I saw the (Hell) Fire, and I have never before, seen such a horrible sight as that, and I saw that the majority of its dwellers were women … because … they are not thankful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favours done to them. Even if you do good to one of them all your life, when she senses some harshness from you, she will say, ‘I have never seen any good from you.’” See also {{Bukhari|1|6|301}} and {{Bukhari|2|18|161}}.</ref> When Tamima bint Wahb came to Aisha for help because she was covered with bruises from her husband’s beatings, Aisha observed: “Her face is greener than her veil. Believing women suffer more than any others!” Muhammad took no interest in Tamima’s bruises; he only attended to determining why her marriage had apparently never been consummated.<ref>{{Bukhari|7|72|715}}; Bewley/Saad 8:295.</ref> He also had no recorded reaction to Aisha’s complaint that pagans treated their wives better than Muslims did. | ||