Qur'an, Hadith and Scholars: Remarkable and Strange Islamic Traditions: Difference between revisions

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{{QuranHadithScholarsIndex}}
{{QualityScore|Lead=2|Structure=4|Content=4|Language=4|References=3}}The Islamic tradition is truly vast, and covers an impressive number of different topics, often including surprising stories, anecdotes and injunctions. Some of these traditions are truly strange or noteworthy in their own right. Presented in no particular order are hadith, tafsir and fatwa material which do not fit into any other category but which never the less are remarkable in their own way. {{QuranHadithScholarsIndex}}
{{warn}}
This page lists some of the more humorous texts that are found within [[Islam and Scripture|Islamic scripture]].
==Muhammad humiliates Satan the genie by choking him with his bare hands==
==Muhammad humiliates Satan the genie by choking him with his bare hands==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|2|22|301}} |Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet once offered the prayer and said, "Satan came in front of me and tried to interrupt my prayer, but Allah gave me an upper hand on him and I choked him. No doubt, I thought of tying him to one of the pillars of the mosque till you get up in the morning and see him. Then I remembered the statement of Prophet Solomon, 'My Lord! Bestow on me a kingdom such as shall not belong to any other after me.' Then Allah made him (Satan) return with his head down (humiliated)."}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|2|22|301}} |Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet once offered the prayer and said, "Satan came in front of me and tried to interrupt my prayer, but Allah gave me an upper hand on him and I choked him. No doubt, I thought of tying him to one of the pillars of the mosque till you get up in the morning and see him. Then I remembered the statement of Prophet Solomon, 'My Lord! Bestow on me a kingdom such as shall not belong to any other after me.' Then Allah made him (Satan) return with his head down (humiliated)."}}
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{{Quote|{{Bukhari|6|60|409}} |Narrated Abdullah (bin Mus'ud):<BR>Allah's Apostle has cursed the lady who uses false hair.}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|6|60|409}} |Narrated Abdullah (bin Mus'ud):<BR>Allah's Apostle has cursed the lady who uses false hair.}}


==Divinely cooked and delivered pot of meat fixes Prophet's performance problems in bed==
==The Prophet took the Sexual Powers of 40 Men from a Magical Kettle==
 
{{Quote|Ibn Sa'd's Kitab Tabaqat Al-Kubra, Volume 8, Page 200|Waqidi said: “The prophet of Allah used to say that I was among those who have little strength for intercourse. Then Allah sent me a pot with cooked meat. After I ate from it, I found strength any time I wanted to do the work.”}}
'''Comments:''' World renowned Chefs Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsey have converted to Islam in hopes of Allah sending them the recipe.


{{Quote|Ibn Sa'd's Kitab Tabaqat Al-Kubra, translation Moinul Haq and H.K. Ghazanfar Volume 1, Page 438-439|'Ubayd Allah lbn Musa informed us on the authority of Usamah lbn Zayd, he on the authority of Safwan lbn Sulaym, he said : The Apostle of Allah, may Allah bless him, said : Gabriel brought a kettle from which I ate and I was given the power of sexual intercourse equal to forty men. }}
==One-shoe walks outlawed==
==One-shoe walks outlawed==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|72|746}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|72|746}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:
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Allah's Apostle said, "The main source of disbelief is in the east. Pride '''and arrogance are characteristics of the owners of horses and camels''', and those bedouins who are busy with their camels and pay no attention to Religion; '''while modesty and gentleness are the characteristics of the owners of sheep'''."}}
Allah's Apostle said, "The main source of disbelief is in the east. Pride '''and arrogance are characteristics of the owners of horses and camels''', and those bedouins who are busy with their camels and pay no attention to Religion; '''while modesty and gentleness are the characteristics of the owners of sheep'''."}}


==Let's get to know each other first==
==The prophet divorces a wife for being old==
{{Quote|al-Tabari vol.9 p.139|"When the Prophet went to her he found her to be an old woman, so he divorced her."}}
{{Quote|{{citation|title=The History of al-Tabari|trans_title=Ta’rikh al-rusul wa’l-muluk|volume=vol. XIV|ISBN=0-7914-1193-8|year=1994|publisher=SUNY Press|author=al-Tabari (d. 923)|editor=G. Rex Smith|url=https://archive.org/details/HistoryAlTabari40Vol/History_Al-Tabari_20_Vol/page/n834/mode/2up|page=}}
<br>{{citation|title=تاريخ الرسل والملوك|author=أبو جعفر الطبري|url=https://app.turath.io/book/9783|publisher=al-Maktabah al-Shamilah|volume=vol.3|page=168}}
|It is reported from Ibn al-Kalbi that the Messenger of God married Ghaziyyah bt. Jabir , who is [called] Umm Sharik. She was previously married and had a son called Sharik from [the first husband], so she was called by that surname [of relationship]. When the Prophet went to her he found her to be
an old woman, so he divorced her. [The original Arabic in fact says "when he consummated the marriage with her he found her aged" or literally "when he entered into her he found her aged" "فلما دخل بها النبي ص وَجَدَهَا مُسِنَّةً"]}}


==Say no to green jars and white jars==
==Say no to green jars and white jars==
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I heard 'Abdullah bin Abi Aufa saying, "The Prophet forbade the use of green jars." I said, "Shall we drink out of white jars?" He said, "No."}}
I heard 'Abdullah bin Abi Aufa saying, "The Prophet forbade the use of green jars." I said, "Shall we drink out of white jars?" He said, "No."}}


== Straighten prayer rows to avoid plastic surgery ==
==Straighten prayer rows to avoid plastic surgery==
{{Quote| {{Bukhari|1|11|685}}|  Narrated An-Nu'man bin 'Bashir:The Prophet said, "Straighten your rows or Allah will alter your faces." }}
{{Quote| {{Bukhari|1|11|685}}|  Narrated An-Nu'man bin 'Bashir:The Prophet said, "Straighten your rows or Allah will alter your faces." }}


==A drink that gives you wings==
==Curative fly wings in a drink==


{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|54|537}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said "If a house fly falls in the drink of anyone of you, he should dip it (in the drink), for one of its wings has a disease and the other has the cure for the disease."}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|54|537}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said "If a house fly falls in the drink of anyone of you, he should dip it (in the drink), for one of its wings has a disease and the other has the cure for the disease."}}


==Holy ride on smelly donkey causes massive shoe fight and obvious Qur'an revelation==
==Holy ride on smelly donkey causes massive shoe fight and Qur'an revelation==


{{Quote|{{Bukhari|3|49|856}} (duplicated in {{Muslim|19|4433}})|Narrated Anas: It was said to the Prophet "Would that you see Abdullah bin Ubai." So, the Prophet went to him, riding a donkey, and the Muslims accompanied him, walking on salty barren land. When the Prophet reached 'Abdullah bin Ubai, the latter said, "Keep away from me! By Allah, the bad smell of your donkey has harmed me." On that an Ansari man said (to 'Abdullah), "By Allah! The smell of the donkey of Allah's Apostle is better than your smell." On that a man from 'Abdullah's tribe got angry for 'Abdullah's sake, and the two men abused each other which caused the friends of the two men to get angry, and the two groups started fighting with sticks, shoes and hands. We were informed that the following Divine Verse was revealed (in this concern):-- "And if two groups of Believers fall to fighting then, make peace between them. ({{Quran|49|9}})"}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|3|49|856}} (duplicated in {{Muslim|19|4433}})|Narrated Anas: It was said to the Prophet "Would that you see Abdullah bin Ubai." So, the Prophet went to him, riding a donkey, and the Muslims accompanied him, walking on salty barren land. When the Prophet reached 'Abdullah bin Ubai, the latter said, "Keep away from me! By Allah, the bad smell of your donkey has harmed me." On that an Ansari man said (to 'Abdullah), "By Allah! The smell of the donkey of Allah's Apostle is better than your smell." On that a man from 'Abdullah's tribe got angry for 'Abdullah's sake, and the two men abused each other which caused the friends of the two men to get angry, and the two groups started fighting with sticks, shoes and hands. We were informed that the following Divine Verse was revealed (in this concern):-- "And if two groups of Believers fall to fighting then, make peace between them. ({{Quran|49|9}})"}}


==Sinning with silverware==
==Silverware is Sin==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|69|538}}|Narrated Um Salama:
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|69|538}}|Narrated Um Salama:
(the wife of the Prophet) Allah's Apostle said, "He who drinks in silver utensils is only filling his abdomen with Hell Fire."}}
(the wife of the Prophet) Allah's Apostle said, "He who drinks in silver utensils is only filling his abdomen with Hell Fire."}}
'''Comment''': If wearing gold or silver is acceptable in Islam, why should eating with silver or gold utensils be an issue?


==Inanimate objects awaken from their slumber==
==Inanimate objects awaken from their slumber==
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{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|56|784}}|Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah: The Prophet used to stand by a tree or a date-palm on Friday. Then an Ansari woman or man said. "O Allah's Apostle! Shall we make a pulpit for you?" He replied, "If you wish." So they made a pulpit for him and when it was Friday, he proceeded towards the pulpit (for delivering the sermon). '''The date-palm cried like a child!''' The Prophet descended (the pulpit) and embraced it while it continued moaning like a child  being quieted. The Prophet said, "It was crying for (missing) what it used to hear of religious knowledge given near to it."}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|56|784}}|Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah: The Prophet used to stand by a tree or a date-palm on Friday. Then an Ansari woman or man said. "O Allah's Apostle! Shall we make a pulpit for you?" He replied, "If you wish." So they made a pulpit for him and when it was Friday, he proceeded towards the pulpit (for delivering the sermon). '''The date-palm cried like a child!''' The Prophet descended (the pulpit) and embraced it while it continued moaning like a child  being quieted. The Prophet said, "It was crying for (missing) what it used to hear of religious knowledge given near to it."}}


==="La Ilaha Illa Allah," sadomasochistic food glorifies Allah while being eaten===
===Food glorifies Allah while being eaten===
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|56|779}}|Narrated 'Abdullah: We used to consider miracles as Allah's Blessings, but you people consider them to be a warning. Once we were with Allah's Apostle on a journey, and we ran short of water. He said, "Bring the water remaining with you." The people brought a utensil containing a little water. He placed his hand in it and said, "Come to the blessed water, and the Blessing is from Allah." I saw the water flowing from among the fingers of Allah's Apostle , and no doubt, '''we heard the meal glorifying Allah''', when it was being eaten (by him).}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|56|779}}|Narrated 'Abdullah: We used to consider miracles as Allah's Blessings, but you people consider them to be a warning. Once we were with Allah's Apostle on a journey, and we ran short of water. He said, "Bring the water remaining with you." The people brought a utensil containing a little water. He placed his hand in it and said, "Come to the blessed water, and the Blessing is from Allah." I saw the water flowing from among the fingers of Allah's Apostle , and no doubt, '''we heard the meal glorifying Allah''', when it was being eaten (by him).}}


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{{Quote|{{Bukhari|5|58|199}}|Narrated ‘Abdur-Rahman: "I asked Masruq, ‘Who informed the Prophet about the Jinns at the night when they heard the Qur'an?’ He said, ‘Your father ‘Abdullah informed me that a tree informed  the Prophet about them.’"}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|5|58|199}}|Narrated ‘Abdur-Rahman: "I asked Masruq, ‘Who informed the Prophet about the Jinns at the night when they heard the Qur'an?’ He said, ‘Your father ‘Abdullah informed me that a tree informed  the Prophet about them.’"}}


===A saluting stone or a delusional Prophet?===
===The Prophet Gives Salutations to a Stone===
{{Quote|{{Muslim|30|5654}}|Jabir b. Samura reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: I recognise the stone in Mecca which used to pay me salutations before my advent as a Prophet and I recognise that even now.}}
{{Quote|{{Muslim|30|5654}}|Jabir b. Samura reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: I recognise the stone in Mecca which used to pay me salutations before my advent as a Prophet and I recognise that even now.}}
===Wandering curses===
{{Quote|{{cite web|url=https://sunnah.com/abudawud/43/133 |title=Abu Dawud 42: 4887 |publisher= |author= |date= |archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20160412035042/https://sunnah.com/abudawud/43/133 |deadurl=no}}|Abu al-Darda reported the Messenger of Allah (May peace be upon him) as saying: "When a man curses anything, the curse goes up to heaven and the gates of heaven are locked against it. Then it comes down to the earth and its gates are locked against it. Then it goes right and left, and if it finds no place of entrance it returns to the thing which was cursed, and if it finds no place of entrance it returns to the thing which was cursed, and if it deserves what was said (it enters it), otherwise it returns to the one who uttered it." (Hasan)}}


===Hellfire complains to Allah===
===Hellfire complains to Allah===
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{{Quote| {{Bukhari|8|73|242}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "Allah likes sneezing and dislikes yawning, so if someone sneezes and then praises Allah, then it is obligatory on every Muslim who heard him, to say: May Allah be merciful to you (Yar-hamuka-l-lah). But as regards yawning, it is from satan, so one must try one's best to stop it, if one says 'Ha' when yawning, satan will laugh at him."}}
{{Quote| {{Bukhari|8|73|242}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "Allah likes sneezing and dislikes yawning, so if someone sneezes and then praises Allah, then it is obligatory on every Muslim who heard him, to say: May Allah be merciful to you (Yar-hamuka-l-lah). But as regards yawning, it is from satan, so one must try one's best to stop it, if one says 'Ha' when yawning, satan will laugh at him."}}


==Allah, rain ''there'', not ''here''!==
==Allah hither not thither==
Summary: People's livestock were dying because of lack of water. On request, Muhammad prayed to Allah who instantly brought so much rain that that caused livestock to die due to ''excess'' of water. Then Muhammad told Allah to rain ''around'' them, not ''on'' them and the rain stopped.
Summary: People's livestock were dying because of lack of water. On request, Muhammad prayed to Allah who instantly brought so much rain that that caused livestock to die due to ''excess'' of water. Then Muhammad told Allah to rain ''around'' them, not ''on'' them and the rain stopped.
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|2|17|127}}| Narrated Sharik:
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|2|17|127}}| Narrated Sharik:
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{{Quote|{{Muslim|2|500}}, See also: {{Muslim|2|501}}|Ibn Umar said: The Messenger of Allah (may peace be opon him) said: Act against the polytheists, trim closely the moustache and grow beard.}}
{{Quote|{{Muslim|2|500}}, See also: {{Muslim|2|501}}|Ibn Umar said: The Messenger of Allah (may peace be opon him) said: Act against the polytheists, trim closely the moustache and grow beard.}}


==Allah loves sneezes ''(aacchoo!)''==
==Allah loves sneezes==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|8|73|245}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "Allah loves sneezing but dislikes yawning; so if anyone of you sneezes and then praises Allah, every Muslim who hears him (praising Allah) has to say Tashmit to him. But as regards yawning, it is from Satan, so if one of you yawns, he should try his best to stop it, for when anyone of you yawns, Satan laughs at him."}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|8|73|245}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "Allah loves sneezing but dislikes yawning; so if anyone of you sneezes and then praises Allah, every Muslim who hears him (praising Allah) has to say Tashmit to him. But as regards yawning, it is from Satan, so if one of you yawns, he should try his best to stop it, for when anyone of you yawns, Satan laughs at him."}}


==3x Assalaamu ‘alaykum, may I enter?==
==3 times Assalaamu ‘alaykum, may I enter?==
{{Quote|[http://web.archive.org/web/20071224144918/http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/adheringtosunnah.html http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/adheringtosunnah.html]|
{{Quote|[http://web.archive.org/web/20071224144918/http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/adheringtosunnah.html http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/adheringtosunnah.html]|
(Abu ‘Eesa said: a saheeh hasan hadeeth, 2614) Abu Sa’eed said: Abu Moosa sought permission to enter upon ‘Umar. He said,<br> Assalaamu ‘alaykum, may I enter? ‘Umar said, That was once, then he kept silent for a while. Abu Moosa again said,<br> Assalaamu ‘alaykum, may I enter? ‘Umar said, That was twice, then he kept silent for a while. Abu Moosa again said,<br> Assalaamu ‘alaykum, may I enter? ‘Umar said, That was three times. Then Abu Moosa went away. ‘Umar asked the doorkeeper, What happened? The doorkeeper said, He went away. ‘Umar said, bring him back. When he came back, ‘Umar said, What is this that you have done? Abu Moosa said, It is the Sunnah. ‘Umar said: is it? Then he said, I did not know this…}}
(Abu ‘Eesa said: a saheeh hasan hadeeth, 2614) Abu Sa’eed said: Abu Moosa sought permission to enter upon ‘Umar. He said,<br> Assalaamu ‘alaykum, may I enter? ‘Umar said, That was once, then he kept silent for a while. Abu Moosa again said,<br> Assalaamu ‘alaykum, may I enter? ‘Umar said, That was twice, then he kept silent for a while. Abu Moosa again said,<br> Assalaamu ‘alaykum, may I enter? ‘Umar said, That was three times. Then Abu Moosa went away. ‘Umar asked the doorkeeper, What happened? The doorkeeper said, He went away. ‘Umar said, bring him back. When he came back, ‘Umar said, What is this that you have done? Abu Moosa said, It is the Sunnah. ‘Umar said: is it? Then he said, I did not know this…}}
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{{Quote|{{Bukhari|9|87|115}}|Narrated Abu Qatada: The Prophet said, "A good dream that comes true is from Allah, and a bad dream is from Satan, so if anyone of you sees a bad dream, he should seek refuge with Allah from Satan and should spit on the left, for the bad dream will not harm him."}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|9|87|115}}|Narrated Abu Qatada: The Prophet said, "A good dream that comes true is from Allah, and a bad dream is from Satan, so if anyone of you sees a bad dream, he should seek refuge with Allah from Satan and should spit on the left, for the bad dream will not harm him."}}


==Genetics 101==
==Skin Color Inheritance==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|8|82|830}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: "A bedouin came to Allah's Apostle and said, "My wife has delivered a black child." The Prophet said to him, "Have you camels?" He replied, "Yes." The Prophet said, "What color are they?" He replied, "They are red." The Prophet further asked, "Are any of them gray in color?" He replied, "Yes." The Prophet asked him, "Whence did that grayness come?" He said, "I think it descended from the camel's ancestors." Then the Prophet said (to him), "Therefore, this child of yours has most probably inherited the color from his ancestors."}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|8|82|830}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: "A bedouin came to Allah's Apostle and said, "My wife has delivered a black child." The Prophet said to him, "Have you camels?" He replied, "Yes." The Prophet said, "What color are they?" He replied, "They are red." The Prophet further asked, "Are any of them gray in color?" He replied, "Yes." The Prophet asked him, "Whence did that grayness come?" He said, "I think it descended from the camel's ancestors." Then the Prophet said (to him), "Therefore, this child of yours has most probably inherited the color from his ancestors."}}


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Allah's Apostle said, "When the Jews greet you, they usually say, 'As-Samu 'alaikum (Death be on you),' so you should say (in reply to them), 'Wa'alaikum (And on you)." }}
Allah's Apostle said, "When the Jews greet you, they usually say, 'As-Samu 'alaikum (Death be on you),' so you should say (in reply to them), 'Wa'alaikum (And on you)." }}


==Prophetic buttocks==
==The Buttocks of Daus==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|9|88|232}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "The Hour will not be established till the buttocks of the women of the tribe of Daus move while going round Dhi-al-Khalasa." Dhi-al-Khalasa was the idol of the Daus tribe which they used to worship in the Pre Islamic Period of ignorance.}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|9|88|232}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "The Hour will not be established till the buttocks of the women of the tribe of Daus move while going round Dhi-al-Khalasa." Dhi-al-Khalasa was the idol of the Daus tribe which they used to worship in the Pre Islamic Period of ignorance.}}


==Stating the obvious==
==Where to Sit==
{{Quote|{{Abu Dawud|41|4802}}|Narrated AbuSa'id al-Khudri: I heard the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) as saying: The best places to sit are those which provide most room.}}
{{Quote|{{Abu Dawud|41|4802}}|Narrated AbuSa'id al-Khudri: I heard the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) as saying: The best places to sit are those which provide most room.}}


==The almighty wind==
==Wind As Omen==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|2|17|144}}|Narrated Anas:
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|2|17|144}}|Narrated Anas:
Whenever a strong wind blew, anxiety appeared on the face of the Prophet (fearing that wind might be a sign of Allah's wrath).}}
Whenever a strong wind blew, anxiety appeared on the face of the Prophet (fearing that wind might be a sign of Allah's wrath).}}
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{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|65|366}}|Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: The Prophet said, 'When you eat, do not wipe your hands till you have licked it, '''or had it licked by somebody else'''."}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|65|366}}|Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: The Prophet said, 'When you eat, do not wipe your hands till you have licked it, '''or had it licked by somebody else'''."}}


==The art of dealing with a fart==
==Passing Wind==
{{Quote|{{Abu Dawud|1|205}}|Narrated Ali ibn Talq: The Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) said: When any of you breaks wind during the prayer, he should turn away and perform ablution and repeat the prayer.}}
{{Quote|{{Abu Dawud|1|205}}|Narrated Ali ibn Talq: The Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) said: When any of you breaks wind during the prayer, he should turn away and perform ablution and repeat the prayer.}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|1|4|139}}|Narrated 'Abbas bin Tamim: My uncle asked Allah's Apostle about a person who imagined to have passed wind during the prayer. Allah' Apostle replied: "He should not leave his prayers unless he hears sound or smells something."}}  
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|1|4|139}}|Narrated 'Abbas bin Tamim: My uncle asked Allah's Apostle about a person who imagined to have passed wind during the prayer. Allah' Apostle replied: "He should not leave his prayers unless he hears sound or smells something."}}  
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|9|86|86}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "Allah does not accept prayer of anyone of you if he does Hadath (passes wind) till he performs the ablution (anew)."}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|9|86|86}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "Allah does not accept prayer of anyone of you if he does Hadath (passes wind) till he performs the ablution (anew)."}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|8|73|68}}|Narrated 'Abdullah bin Zam'a: The Prophet forbade laughing at a person who passes wind.}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|8|73|68}}|Narrated 'Abdullah bin Zam'a: The Prophet forbade laughing at a person who passes wind.}}{{Quote|{{Ibn Majah||1|5|1222}}|It was narrated from ‘Aishah that the Prophet (ﷺ) said: “When anyone of you performs prayer and commits Hadath, (passing wind) let him take hold of his nose, then leave.” Another chain with similar wording.}}{{Quote|{{citation|title=The History of al-Tabari|trans_title=Ta’rikh al-rusul wa’l-muluk|volume=vol. I|ISBN=0-88706-562-7|year=1989|publisher=SUNY Press|author=al-Tabari (d. 923)|editor1=Franz Rosenthal|editor2=W. Montgomery Watt|url=https://archive.org/details/HistoryAlTabari40Vol/History_Al-Tabari_10_Vol/page/n1/mode/2up|page=267}}<BR>
{{Quote|Tabari I 267|And Allah taught Adam all the names as follows: He taught him the name of everything, down to fart and little fart.}}
{{citation|title=تاريخ الرسل والملوك|author=أبو جعفر الطبري|url=https://app.turath.io/book/9783|publisher=al-Maktabah al-Shamilah|volume=vol.1|page=97}}
|According to Ahmad b. Ishaq al-Ahwazi-Abu Ahmad-Sharik(b. 'Abdallah al-Nakha'i)-'Asim b. Kulayb- al-Hasan b. Sa'dfi-Ibn 'Abbas, commenting on: "And He taught Adam all the names,(Qur'an 2:31)" as follows: He taught him the name of everything, down to fart and little fart.}}


==Hey Muhammad, need a beer?==
==Muhammad offered Divine Wine==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|69|508}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|69|508}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle was presented a bowl of milk and a bowl of wine on the night he was taken on a journey (Al-Mi'raj).}}
Allah's Apostle was presented a bowl of milk and a bowl of wine on the night he was taken on a journey (Al-Mi'raj).}}
Also see: [[Muhammad Drank and Performed Ablution with Wine]]


==Allah curses tatooed women==
==Allah curses tatooed women==
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==Angel Gabriel said hello==
==Angel Gabriel said hello==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|8|74|270}}|Narrated 'Aisha: that the Prophet said to her, "Gabriel sends Salam (greetings) to you." She replied, "Wa 'alaihi-s-Salam Wa Rahmatu-l-lah." (Peace and Allah's Mercy be on him).}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|8|74|270}}|Narrated 'Aisha: that the Prophet said to her, "Gabriel sends Salam (greetings) to you." She replied, "Wa 'alaihi-s-Salam Wa Rahmatu-l-lah." (Peace and Allah's Mercy be on him).}}
'''Note''': Did he use voicemail or SMS?
==Dye your hair because Jews and Christians don't==
==Dye your hair because Jews and Christians don't==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|72|786}}|Narrated Abu Huraira :
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|72|786}}|Narrated Abu Huraira :
The Prophet said, "Jews and Christians do not dye their hair so you should do the opposite of what they do.}}
The Prophet said, "Jews and Christians do not dye their hair so you should do the opposite of what they do.}}
'''Comment''': What if they use soap and brush their teeth?
==Izar dragging causes endless descent==
==Izar dragging causes endless descent==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|72|681}}|Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar:
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|72|681}}|Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar:
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{{Quote|{{Bukhari|8|74|250}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|8|74|250}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "The young should greet the old, the passer by should greet the sitting one, and the small group of persons should greet the large group of persons. "}}
The Prophet said, "The young should greet the old, the passer by should greet the sitting one, and the small group of persons should greet the large group of persons. "}}
'''Comment''': Who says hello first if a small group of elders meets a larger group of younger people?
==Greeting 3 Times==
 
==Well hello, hello, hello==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|8|74|261}}|Narrated Anas:
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|8|74|261}}|Narrated Anas:
Whenever Allah's Apostle greeted somebody, he used to greet him three times, and if he spoke a sentence, he used to repeat it thrice.}}
Whenever Allah's Apostle greeted somebody, he used to greet him three times, and if he spoke a sentence, he used to repeat it thrice.}}


==Poke the Peeping Tom==
==Poking the Peeping Tom==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|9|83|38}}|Narrated Anas:
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|9|83|38}}|Narrated Anas:
A man peeped into one of the dwelling places of the Prophet. The Prophet got up and aimed a sharp-edged arrow head (or wooden stick) at him to poke him stealthily. }}
A man peeped into one of the dwelling places of the Prophet. The Prophet got up and aimed a sharp-edged arrow head (or wooden stick) at him to poke him stealthily. }}
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Allah has ninety-nine Names, i.e., one hundred minus one, and whoever believes in their meanings and acts accordingly, will enter Paradise; and Allah is Witr (one) and loves 'the Witr' (i.e., odd numbers). }}
Allah has ninety-nine Names, i.e., one hundred minus one, and whoever believes in their meanings and acts accordingly, will enter Paradise; and Allah is Witr (one) and loves 'the Witr' (i.e., odd numbers). }}


==Overweight omen==
==Overweight Men on Yawm ad-Deen==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|6|60|253}} |Narrated Abu Huraira:<BR>Allah's Apostle said, "On the Day of Resurrection, a huge fat man will come who will not weigh, the weight of the wing of a mosquito in Allah's Sight." and then the Prophet added, 'We shall not give them any weight on the Day of Resurrection'}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|6|60|253}} |Narrated Abu Huraira:<BR>Allah's Apostle said, "On the Day of Resurrection, a huge fat man will come who will not weigh, the weight of the wing of a mosquito in Allah's Sight." and then the Prophet added, 'We shall not give them any weight on the Day of Resurrection'}}


==Searching for the meaning in life... and 3 stones==
==A Tree which is 25.5 million miles wide==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|1|4|158}}| Narrated Abdullah:<BR>The Prophet went out to answer the call of nature and asked me to bring three stones. I found two stones and searched for the third but could not find it. So I took a dried piece of dung and brought it to him. He took the two stones and threw away the dung and said, "This is a filthy thing."|See Also {{Bukhari|1|4|157}}, {{Bukhari|1|4|162}}, {{Bukhari|1|4|163}}}}
{{Quote|[{{Bukhari-url-only|8|76|559}}t Sahih Bukhari 8:76:559] |Narrated Sahl bin Sa'd:<BR>Allah's Apostle said, "In Paradise there is a tree so big that in its shade a rider may travel for one hundred years without being able to cross it."}}
 
==A Tree which is 25.5 million miles wide==  
{{Quote|[{{Bukhari-url-only|8|76|559}}t Sahih Bukhari 8:76:559t] |Narrated Sahl bin Sa'd:<BR>Allah's Apostle said, "In Paradise there is a tree so big that in its shade a rider may travel for one hundred years without being able to cross it."}}
Note: Considering the average speed of a galloping horse can be around 30 miles/hour and the Islamic year has 355 days, this means the tree is 25,560,000 miles wide (25.5 million miles). This is about half the distance from the planet Earth to Mars.
Note: Considering the average speed of a galloping horse can be around 30 miles/hour and the Islamic year has 355 days, this means the tree is 25,560,000 miles wide (25.5 million miles). This is about half the distance from the planet Earth to Mars.


==Economical dry-cleaning in tough times==
==Cleaning In-Pure Places==
{{Quote|{{Muwatta|2|4|16|}}|Yahya related to me from Malik from Muhammad ibn Umara from Muhammad ibn Ibrahim that the mother of the son of Ibrahim ibn Abd ar-Rahman ibn Awf questioned Umm Salama, the wife of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and said, "'''I am a woman who wears a long skirt and''' (sometimes) '''I walk in dirty places'''." Umm Salama replied, "'''The Messenger of Allah''', may Allah bless him and grant him peace, '''said''', ''''What follows (i.e. clean places) purifies it.'''' "}}
{{Quote|{{Muwatta|2|4|16|}}|Yahya related to me from Malik from Muhammad ibn Umara from Muhammad ibn Ibrahim that the mother of the son of Ibrahim ibn Abd ar-Rahman ibn Awf questioned Umm Salama, the wife of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and said, "'''I am a woman who wears a long skirt and''' (sometimes) '''I walk in dirty places'''." Umm Salama replied, "'''The Messenger of Allah''', may Allah bless him and grant him peace, '''said''', ''''What follows (i.e. clean places) purifies it.'''' "}}


==Annoying in-laws, a universal phenomena==
==Annoying in-laws==


{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|62|159}}| Narrated 'Uqba bin 'Amir:<BR>
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|62|159}}| Narrated 'Uqba bin 'Amir:<BR>
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When he finished, I walked with him and asked, "What about the bone and the animal dung?" He said, '''"They are of the food of Jinns. The delegate of Jinns of (the city of) Nasibin came to me--and how nice those Jinns were--and asked me for the remains of the human food.''' I invoked Allah for them that they would never pass by a bone or animal dung but find food on them."}}
When he finished, I walked with him and asked, "What about the bone and the animal dung?" He said, '''"They are of the food of Jinns. The delegate of Jinns of (the city of) Nasibin came to me--and how nice those Jinns were--and asked me for the remains of the human food.''' I invoked Allah for them that they would never pass by a bone or animal dung but find food on them."}}


==Incantations while having sex==
==Covering Up==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|54|493}}|Narrated Ibn 'Abbas:
 
The Prophet said, "If anyone of you, when having sexual relation with his wife, say:'In the name of Allah. O Allah! Protect us from Satan and prevent Satan from approaching our offspring you are going to give us,' and if he begets a child (as a result of that relation) Satan will not harm it."}}
 
==Cover all your bases==
 
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|5|59|595}}|Narrated 'Amr bin Salama:
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|5|59|595}}|Narrated 'Amr bin Salama:


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The people used to offer the prayer with the Prophet with their waist-sheets tied round their necks because of the shortness of the sheets and the women were ordered not to lift their heads till the men had sat straight. }}
The people used to offer the prayer with the Prophet with their waist-sheets tied round their necks because of the shortness of the sheets and the women were ordered not to lift their heads till the men had sat straight. }}


==Devils on a leash==
==Devils Chained==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|54|497}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:  
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|54|497}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:  


Allah's Apostle said, "When the month of Ramadan comes, the gates of Paradise are opened and the gates of the (Hell) Fire are closed, and the devils are chained."}}  
Allah's Apostle said, "When the month of Ramadan comes, the gates of Paradise are opened and the gates of the (Hell) Fire are closed, and the devils are chained."}}  


==Allah's advice to his prophets==
==Allah's Revelation About the Ants==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|54|536}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:  
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|54|536}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:  


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Allah's Apostle said, "A prostitute was forgiven by Allah, because, passing by a panting dog near a well and seeing that the dog was about to die of thirst, she took off her shoe, and tying it with her head-cover she drew out some water for it. So, Allah forgave her because of that."}}  
Allah's Apostle said, "A prostitute was forgiven by Allah, because, passing by a panting dog near a well and seeing that the dog was about to die of thirst, she took off her shoe, and tying it with her head-cover she drew out some water for it. So, Allah forgave her because of that."}}  


==Bodyguard job: Females need not apply==
==More Women than Men in the Future==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|2|24|495}}|
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|2|24|495}}|
Narrated Abu Musa: Thy Prophet (p.b.u.h) said, "A time will come upon the people when a person will wander about with gold as Zakat and will not find anybody to accept it, and '''one man will be seen followed by forty women''' to be their guardian because of scarcity of men and great number of women".}}
Narrated Abu Musa: Thy Prophet (p.b.u.h) said, "A time will come upon the people when a person will wander about with gold as Zakat and will not find anybody to accept it, and '''one man will be seen followed by forty women''' to be their guardian because of scarcity of men and great number of women".}}
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{{Quote|Hadith translated by FFI forum member|Narrated by Abi Hurairah that the prophet PBUH said: If one of you got engaged in intercourse, they shouldn't look at the genital for that inherits blindness, and not talk too much for that inherits [[w:Aphonia|aphonia]] (lack of the ability to talk).}}
{{Quote|Hadith translated by FFI forum member|Narrated by Abi Hurairah that the prophet PBUH said: If one of you got engaged in intercourse, they shouldn't look at the genital for that inherits blindness, and not talk too much for that inherits [[w:Aphonia|aphonia]] (lack of the ability to talk).}}


==Say "Allah willing" during intercourse to give birth to Islamic militants==
==Say "Allah willing" during intercourse to give birth to Mujahids==
{{Quote|[{{Bukhari-url-only|4|52|74}}i Sahih Bukhari 4:52:74i]|Narrated Abu Huraira:
{{Quote|[{{Bukhari-url-only|4|52|74}}i Sahih Bukhari 4:52:74i]|Narrated Abu Huraira:


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A Muslim Shia [http://www.answering-ansar.org/answers/mutah/en/chap7.php website] notes: "Maybe this is another reason why 'Umar the Khalifa never went on jihad: somebody had to stay behind and organize the cucumber distribution."
A Muslim Shia [http://www.answering-ansar.org/answers/mutah/en/chap7.php website] notes: "Maybe this is another reason why 'Umar the Khalifa never went on jihad: somebody had to stay behind and organize the cucumber distribution."


==Companions of Muhammad masturbated during Jihad==
==Exposing oneself to the Lord==
 
{{Quote|Bada'i al-Fuwa'id of [[w:Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya|Ibn Qayyim]] (Islamic scholar), page 129|"If a man is torn between continued desire or releasing it, and if this man does not have a wife or he has a slave-girl but he does not marry, then if a man is overwhelmed by desire, and he fears that he will suffer because of this (someone like a prisoner, or a traveller, or a pauper), then it is permissible for him to masturbate, and Ahmad (ibn Hanbal) is explicit on this. Furthermore, '''it is narrated that the Companions of the Prophet (s) used to masturbate while they were on military expeditions or travelling'''".}}
 
== Don't flash Allah ==
{{quote|{{Bukhari|7|72|709}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:<BR>
{{quote|{{Bukhari|7|72|709}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:<BR>


The Prophet had forbidden: (A) the Mulamasa and Munabadha (bargains), (B) the offering of two prayers, one after the morning compulsory prayer till the sun rises, and the others, after the 'Asr prayer till the sun sets '''(C) He also forbade that one should sit wearing one garment, nothing of which covers his private parts (D) and prevent them from exposure to the sky;''' (E) he also forbade Ishtimal-as-Samma'.}}
The Prophet had forbidden: (A) the Mulamasa and Munabadha (bargains), (B) the offering of two prayers, one after the morning compulsory prayer till the sun rises, and the others, after the 'Asr prayer till the sun sets '''(C) He also forbade that one should sit wearing one garment, nothing of which covers his private parts (D) and prevent them from exposure to the sky;''' (E) he also forbade Ishtimal-as-Samma'.}}


== Doodling is a sin! ==
==Doodling is a sin==
{{quote|1=[http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/129446 Islam Q&A - Fatwa No. 129446]|2=The scholars of the Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas said:  
{{quote|1=[http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/129446 Islam Q&A - Fatwa No. 129446]|2=The scholars of the Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas said:  


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==Animals and living things==
==Animals and living things==
===Muttaqi (God-fearing) monkeys===
==Muttaqi (God-fearing) monkeys==
See a video of a cleric talking about [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HL5nw7cx0kg this event here.]
See a video of a cleric talking about [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HL5nw7cx0kg this event here.]
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|5|58|188}}|Narrated 'Amr bin Maimun: During the pre-lslamic period of ignorance I saw a she-monkey surrounded by a number of monkeys. They were all stoning it, because it had committed illegal sexual intercourse. I too, stoned it along with them.}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|5|58|188}}|Narrated 'Amr bin Maimun: During the pre-lslamic period of ignorance I saw a she-monkey surrounded by a number of monkeys. They were all stoning it, because it had committed illegal sexual intercourse. I too, stoned it along with them.}}
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{{Quote|{{Quran|2|65}}|"And you know well the story of those among you who broke Sabbath. We said to them: "Be apes—despised and hated by all. Thus We made their end a warning to the people of their time and succeeding generation, and an admonition for God-fearing people."}}
{{Quote|{{Quran|2|65}}|"And you know well the story of those among you who broke Sabbath. We said to them: "Be apes—despised and hated by all. Thus We made their end a warning to the people of their time and succeeding generation, and an admonition for God-fearing people."}}


===Unpaid debt to turn into talking snake on Judgement Day===
==Unpaid debt to turn into talking snake on Judgement Day==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|9|86|89}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "On the Day of Resurrection the Kanz (Treasure or wealth of which, Zakat has not been paid) of anyone of you will appear in the shape of a huge bald-headed poisonous male snake and its owner will run away from it, but it will follow him and say, 'I am your Kanz.'" The Prophet added, "By Allah, that snake will keep on following him until he stretches out his hand and let the snake swallow it." Allah's Apostle added, '''"If the owner of camels does not pay their Zakat, then, on the Day of Resurrection those camels will come to him and will strike his face with their hooves."'''}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|9|86|89}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "On the Day of Resurrection the Kanz (Treasure or wealth of which, Zakat has not been paid) of anyone of you will appear in the shape of a huge bald-headed poisonous male snake and its owner will run away from it, but it will follow him and say, 'I am your Kanz.'" The Prophet added, "By Allah, that snake will keep on following him until he stretches out his hand and let the snake swallow it." Allah's Apostle added, '''"If the owner of camels does not pay their Zakat, then, on the Day of Resurrection those camels will come to him and will strike his face with their hooves."'''}}


===Monkeys and pigs are humans who once played music===
==Monkeys and pigs are humans who once played music==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|69|494}}|Narrated Abu 'Amir or Abu Malik Al-Ash'ari:
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|69|494}}|Narrated Abu 'Amir or Abu Malik Al-Ash'ari:
that he heard the Prophet saying, "From among my followers there will be some people who will consider illegal sexual intercourse, the wearing of silk, the drinking of alcoholic drinks and the use of musical instruments, as lawful. And there will be some people who will stay near the side of a mountain and in the evening their shepherd will come to them with their sheep and ask them for something, but they will say to him, 'Return to us tomorrow.' Allah will destroy them during the night and will let the mountain fall on them, and He will transform the rest of them into monkeys and pigs and they will remain so till the Day of Resurrection."}}
that he heard the Prophet saying, "From among my followers there will be some people who will consider illegal sexual intercourse, the wearing of silk, the drinking of alcoholic drinks and the use of musical instruments, as lawful. And there will be some people who will stay near the side of a mountain and in the evening their shepherd will come to them with their sheep and ask them for something, but they will say to him, 'Return to us tomorrow.' Allah will destroy them during the night and will let the mountain fall on them, and He will transform the rest of them into monkeys and pigs and they will remain so till the Day of Resurrection."}}


===Zoophilia pardonable but not homosexuality===
==Sheep Sacrifices for Babies==
{{Abudawud|38|4448}} prescribes the death sentence for an unmarried man who commits sodomy but there is no prescribed punishment for having sex with an animal:
{{Quote|{{Abudawud|38|4450}} |Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas:
 
There is no prescribed punishment for one who has sexual intercourse with an animal.}}
 
===Sheeps prefer female babies===
{{Quote|{{Abudawud|15|2829}} |Narrated Umm Kurz:
{{Quote|{{Abudawud|15|2829}} |Narrated Umm Kurz:


I heard the Prophet (may peace be upon him) say: Let the birds stay in their roosts. She said: I also heard him say: Two sheep are to be sacrificed for a boy and one for a girl, but it does you no harm whether they are male or female.}}
I heard the Prophet (may peace be upon him) say: Let the birds stay in their roosts. She said: I also heard him say: Two sheep are to be sacrificed for a boy and one for a girl, but it does you no harm whether they are male or female.}}


===Have flu? Try fresh camel urine===
==Camel Urine as Medicine==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|71|590}}|The climate of Medina did not suit some people, so the Prophet ordered them to follow his shepherd, i.e. his camels, and drink their milk and urine (as a medicine). So they followed the shepherd that is the camels and drank their milk and urine till their bodies became healthy.}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|71|590}}|The climate of Medina did not suit some people, so the Prophet ordered them to follow his shepherd, i.e. his camels, and drink their milk and urine (as a medicine). So they followed the shepherd that is the camels and drank their milk and urine till their bodies became healthy.}}


===Women can woof too===
==ٍIf your amen coincides with an angels', then get rid off your past sins==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|1|9|490}}|Narrated 'Aisha: The things which annul the prayers were mentioned before me. They said, "Prayer is annulled by a dog, a donkey and a woman (if they pass in front of the praying people)." I said, "You have made us (i.e. women) dogs... "}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|1|12|747}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Say Amin" when the Imam says it and if the Amin of any one of you coincides with that of the angels then all his past sins will be forgiven." Ibn Shihab said, "Allah's Messenger () used to Say "Amin."}}
 
==Sheep ate the Qur'an==
{{Quote|{{Ibn Majah|9|3|9|1944}}|It was narrated that 'Aishah said: “The Verse of stoning and of breastfeeding an adult ten times was revealed, and the paper was with me under my pillow. When the Messenger of Allah died, we were preoccupied with his death, and a tame sheep came in and ate it.” (Hasan)


===Goat ate my Qur'an===
}}
{{Quote|Musnad Ahmad bin Hanbal. vol. 6, p. 269; Sunan Ibn Majah, p. 626; Ibn Qutbah, Tawil Mukhtalafi 'l-Hadith (Cairo: Maktaba al-Kulliyat al-Azhariyya. 1966) p. 310; As-Suyuti, ad-Durru 'l-Manthur, vol. 2, p. 13 |'Aisha: "The verse of the stoning and of suckling an adult ten times were revealed, and they were (written) on a paper and kept under my bed.  When the messenger of Allah expired and we were preoccupied with his death, a goat entered and ate away the paper."}}


===Holy cocks and devil donkeys===
==Holy cocks and devil donkeys==
{{Quote| {{Bukhari|4|54|522}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "When you hear the crowing of cocks, ask for Allah's Blessings for (their crowing indicates that) they have seen an angel. And when you hear the braying of donkeys, seek Refuge with Allah from satan for (their braying indicates) that they have seen a satan."}}
{{Quote| {{Bukhari|4|54|522}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "When you hear the crowing of cocks, ask for Allah's Blessings for (their crowing indicates that) they have seen an angel. And when you hear the braying of donkeys, seek Refuge with Allah from satan for (their braying indicates) that they have seen a satan."}}


===The speaking cow===
==The speaking cow==


{{Quote| {{Bukhari|4|56|677}}| Narrated Abu Huraira:  
{{Quote| {{Bukhari|4|56|677}}| Narrated Abu Huraira:  
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Once Allah's Apostle; offered the morning prayer and then faced the people and said, "While a man was driving a cow, he suddenly rode over it and beat it. The cow said, "We have not been created for this, but we have been created for sloughing." On that the people said astonishingly, "Glorified be Allah! A cow speaks!" The Prophet said, "I believe this, and Abu Bakr and 'Umar too, believe it, although neither of them was present there. While a person was amongst his sheep, a wolf attacked and took one of the sheep. The man chased the wolf till he saved it from the wolf, where upon the wolf said, 'You have saved it from me; but who will guard it on the day of the wild beasts when there will be no shepherd to guard them except me (because of riots and afflictions)? ' " The people said surprisingly, "Glorified be Allah! A wolf speaks!" The Prophet said, "But I believe this, and Abu Bakr and 'Umar too, believe this, although neither of them was present there."}}
Once Allah's Apostle; offered the morning prayer and then faced the people and said, "While a man was driving a cow, he suddenly rode over it and beat it. The cow said, "We have not been created for this, but we have been created for sloughing." On that the people said astonishingly, "Glorified be Allah! A cow speaks!" The Prophet said, "I believe this, and Abu Bakr and 'Umar too, believe it, although neither of them was present there. While a person was amongst his sheep, a wolf attacked and took one of the sheep. The man chased the wolf till he saved it from the wolf, where upon the wolf said, 'You have saved it from me; but who will guard it on the day of the wild beasts when there will be no shepherd to guard them except me (because of riots and afflictions)? ' " The people said surprisingly, "Glorified be Allah! A wolf speaks!" The Prophet said, "But I believe this, and Abu Bakr and 'Umar too, believe this, although neither of them was present there."}}


===More horse dung and urine equals more heavenly rewards===
==Feeding and giving water to horses in Jihad as well as their dung and urine will be rewarded==


{{Quote|{{bukhari|4|52|105}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:  
{{Quote|{{bukhari|4|52|105}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:  
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The Prophet said, "If somebody keeps a horse in Allah's Cause motivated by his faith in Allah and his belief in His Promise, then he will be rewarded on the Day of Resurrection for what the horse has eaten or drunk and for its dung and urine."}}
The Prophet said, "If somebody keeps a horse in Allah's Cause motivated by his faith in Allah and his belief in His Promise, then he will be rewarded on the Day of Resurrection for what the horse has eaten or drunk and for its dung and urine."}}


===Lost camels can be returned to their owners but not sheep===
==Lost camels can be returned to their owners but not sheep==
{{quote|{{bukhari|1|3|91}}|Narrated Zaid bin Khalid Al-Juhani<BR>
{{quote|{{bukhari|1|3|91}}|Narrated Zaid bin Khalid Al-Juhani<BR>


A man asked the Prophet about the picking up of a "Luqata" (fallen lost thing). The Prophet replied, "Recognize and remember its tying material and its container, and make public announcement (about it) for one year, then utilize it but give it to its owner if he comes." Then the person asked about the lost camel. On that, the Prophet got angry and his cheeks or his Face became red and he said, "You have no concern with it as it has its water container, and its feet and it will reach water, and eat (the leaves) of trees till its owner finds it." '''The man then asked about the lost sheep. The Prophet replied, "It is either for you, for your brother (another person) or for the wolf.'''"}}
A man asked the Prophet about the picking up of a "Luqata" (fallen lost thing). The Prophet replied, "Recognize and remember its tying material and its container, and make public announcement (about it) for one year, then utilize it but give it to its owner if he comes." Then the person asked about the lost camel. On that, the Prophet got angry and his cheeks or his Face became red and he said, "You have no concern with it as it has its water container, and its feet and it will reach water, and eat (the leaves) of trees till its owner finds it." '''The man then asked about the lost sheep. The Prophet replied, "It is either for you, for your brother (another person) or for the wolf.'''"}}


===A house may be set on fire by a mouse===
==A house may be set on fire by a mouse==
{{Quote|{{Muslim|23|4994}}|This hadith has been reported on the authority of Jabir through another chain of transmitters but with a slight variation of words:” '''The mouse may set the house on fire over its inhabitants'''.”}}
{{Quote|{{Muslim|23|4994}}|This hadith has been reported on the authority of Jabir through another chain of transmitters but with a slight variation of words:” '''The mouse may set the house on fire over its inhabitants'''.”}}


{{Quote|{{Muwatta|49|10|21|}}|Yahya related to me from Malik from Abu’z-Zubayr al-Makki from Jabir ibn Abdullah that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Lock the door, tie the waterskin, turn the vessel over or cover it, and put out the lamp. Shaytan does not open a locked door or untie a tied knot, or uncover a vessel. '''A mouse may set fire to people’s houses''' about them.”}}
{{Quote|{{Muwatta|49|10|21|}}|Yahya related to me from Malik from Abu’z-Zubayr al-Makki from Jabir ibn Abdullah that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Lock the door, tie the waterskin, turn the vessel over or cover it, and put out the lamp. Shaytan does not open a locked door or untie a tied knot, or uncover a vessel. '''A mouse may set fire to people’s houses''' about them.”}}


===Israelites turned into rats===
==Israelites turned into rats==


{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|54|524}}|The Prophet said, "A group of Israelites were lost. Nobody knows what they did. But I do not see them except that they were cursed and changed into rats, for if you put the milk of a she-camel in front of a rat, it will not drink it, but if the milk of a sheep is put in front of it, it will drink it." I told this to Ka'b who asked me, "Did you hear it from the Prophet ?" I said, "Yes." Ka'b asked me the same question several times.; I said to Ka'b. "Do I read the Torah? (i.e. I tell you this from the Prophet.)"}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|54|524}}|The Prophet said, "A group of Israelites were lost. Nobody knows what they did. But I do not see them except that they were cursed and changed into rats, for if you put the milk of a she-camel in front of a rat, it will not drink it, but if the milk of a sheep is put in front of it, it will drink it." I told this to Ka'b who asked me, "Did you hear it from the Prophet ?" I said, "Yes." Ka'b asked me the same question several times.; I said to Ka'b. "Do I read the Torah? (i.e. I tell you this from the Prophet.)"}}


==Race relations, the Islamic way==
==Ethiopians Heads are like Raisins==


{{Quote|{{bukhari|1|11|662}}|Narrated Anas:  
{{Quote|{{bukhari|1|11|662}}|Narrated Anas:  
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{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|54|491}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "During your sleep, Satan knots three knots at the back of the head of each of you, and he breathes the following words at each knot, 'The night is, long, so keep on sleeping,' If that person wakes up and celebrates the praises of Allah, then one knot is undone, and when he performs ablution the second knot is undone, and when he prays, all the knots are undone, and he gets up in the morning lively and gay, otherwise he gets up dull and gloomy. "}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|54|491}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "During your sleep, Satan knots three knots at the back of the head of each of you, and he breathes the following words at each knot, 'The night is, long, so keep on sleeping,' If that person wakes up and celebrates the praises of Allah, then one knot is undone, and when he performs ablution the second knot is undone, and when he prays, all the knots are undone, and he gets up in the morning lively and gay, otherwise he gets up dull and gloomy. "}}


===Satan urinated in my ears===
===Satan urinated in the prophet's ears===
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|2|21|245}}|Narrated 'Abdullah : A person was mentioned before the Prophet (p.b.u.h) and he was told that he had kept on sleeping till morning and had not got up for the prayer. The Prophet said, "Satan urinated in his ears."}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|2|21|245}}|Narrated 'Abdullah : A person was mentioned before the Prophet (p.b.u.h) and he was told that he had kept on sleeping till morning and had not got up for the prayer. The Prophet said, "Satan urinated in his ears."}}


===Devil sleeps in our what?===
===The devil sleeps in the nose===
{{Quote|{{Muslim|2|462}}|Abu Huraira reported: The Apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him) said. When any one of you awakes up from sleep and performs ablution, he must clean his nose three times, for the devil spends the night in the interior of his nose.}}
{{Quote|{{Muslim|2|462}}|Abu Huraira reported: The Apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him) said. When any one of you awakes up from sleep and performs ablution, he must clean his nose three times, for the devil spends the night in the interior of his nose.}}


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The Prophet offered a prayer, and (after finishing) he said, "Satan came in front of me trying persistently to divert my attention from the prayer, but Allah gave me the strength to over-power him."}}  
The Prophet offered a prayer, and (after finishing) he said, "Satan came in front of me trying persistently to divert my attention from the prayer, but Allah gave me the strength to over-power him."}}  


===Satan gets unlimited hospital passes===
===Satan Touches People at Birth===
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|54|506}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:  
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|54|506}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:  


The Prophet said, "When any human being is born. Satan touches him at both sides of the body with his two fingers, except Jesus, the son of Mary, whom Satan tried to touch but failed, for he touched the placenta-cover instead."}}  
The Prophet said, "When any human being is born. Satan touches him at both sides of the body with his two fingers, except Jesus, the son of Mary, whom Satan tried to touch but failed, for he touched the placenta-cover instead."}}  


===Satan LOL's at yawning===
===Yawning is From Satan===
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|54|509}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:  
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|54|509}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:  


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===Man talks to Satan for 3 nights and Satan steals his food===
===Man talks to Satan for 3 nights and Satan steals his food===


{{quote|[{{Bukhari-url-only|3|38|505}}t Sahih Bukhari 3:38:505t]|Narrated Abu Huraira<BR>
{{quote|https://sunnah.com/bukhari:2311|Narrated Abu Huraira<BR>


Allah's Apostle deputed me to keep Sadaqat (al-Fitr) of Ramadan. A comer came and started taking handfuls of the foodstuff (of the Sadaqa) (stealthily). I took hold of him and said, "By Allah, I will take you to Allah's Apostle ." He said, "I am needy and have many dependents, and I am in great need." I released him, and in the morning Allah's Apostle asked me, "What did your prisoner do yesterday?" I said, "O Allah's Apostle! The person complained of being needy and of having many dependents, so, I pitied him and let him go." Allah's Apostle said, "Indeed, he told you a lie and he will be coming again." I believed that he would show up again as Allah's Apostle had told me that he would return. So, I waited for him watchfully. When he (showed up and) started stealing handfuls of foodstuff, I caught hold of him again and said, "I will definitely take you to Allah's Apostle. He said, "Leave me, for I am very needy and have many dependents. I promise I will not come back again." I pitied him and let him go.
Allah's Apostle deputed me to keep Sadaqat (al-Fitr) of Ramadan. A comer came and started taking handfuls of the foodstuff (of the Sadaqa) (stealthily). I took hold of him and said, "By Allah, I will take you to Allah's Apostle ." He said, "I am needy and have many dependents, and I am in great need." I released him, and in the morning Allah's Apostle asked me, "What did your prisoner do yesterday?" I said, "O Allah's Apostle! The person complained of being needy and of having many dependents, so, I pitied him and let him go." Allah's Apostle said, "Indeed, he told you a lie and he will be coming again." I believed that he would show up again as Allah's Apostle had told me that he would return. So, I waited for him watchfully. When he (showed up and) started stealing handfuls of foodstuff, I caught hold of him again and said, "I will definitely take you to Allah's Apostle. He said, "Leave me, for I am very needy and have many dependents. I promise I will not come back again." I pitied him and let him go.
Line 453: Line 431:


Allah's Apostle said, "When the Adhan is pronounced Satan takes to his heels and passes wind with noise during his flight in order not to hear the Adhan. When the Adhan is completed he comes back and again takes to his heels when the Iqama is pronounced and after its completion he returns again till he whispers into the heart of the person (to divert his attention from his prayer) and makes him remember things which he does not recall to his mind before the prayer and that causes him to forget how much he has prayed."}}
Allah's Apostle said, "When the Adhan is pronounced Satan takes to his heels and passes wind with noise during his flight in order not to hear the Adhan. When the Adhan is completed he comes back and again takes to his heels when the Iqama is pronounced and after its completion he returns again till he whispers into the heart of the person (to divert his attention from his prayer) and makes him remember things which he does not recall to his mind before the prayer and that causes him to forget how much he has prayed."}}
=== Devils fart when their prayers begin ===
{{Quote|{{Muslim|4|1162}}|The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: The devil takes to his heels breaking wind when the prayer begins. and the rest is the same but with this addition:" He (the devil) makes him think of pleasant things (or things productive of enjoyment) and of the things wished for, and reminds him of such needs which he had forgotten."}}


===Babies cry at birth because Satan touches them===
===Babies cry at birth because Satan touches them===
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'''The Prophet said, “When any human being is born. Satan touches him at both sides of the body with his two fingers''', except Jesus, the son of Mary, whom Satan tried to touch but failed, for he touched the placenta-cover instead.”|}}
'''The Prophet said, “When any human being is born. Satan touches him at both sides of the body with his two fingers''', except Jesus, the son of Mary, whom Satan tried to touch but failed, for he touched the placenta-cover instead.”|}}


{{Quote|1=[http://www.searchtruth.com/book_display.php?book=55&translator=1&start=0&number=641#641 Sahih Bukhari Book 55 No. 641]|2=Narrated Said bin Al-Musaiyab: Abu Huraira said, “I heard Allah’s Apostle saying, ‘There is none born among the off-spring of Adam, but Satan touches it. '''A child therefore, cries loudly at the time of birth because of the touch of Satan''', except Mary and her child.” Then Abu Huraira recited: “And I seek refuge with You for her and for her offspring from the outcast Satan.” (3.36)}}
{{Quote|1={{Bukhari|4|55|641}}|2=Narrated Said bin Al-Musaiyab: Abu Huraira said, “I heard Allah’s Apostle saying, ‘There is none born among the off-spring of Adam, but Satan touches it. '''A child therefore, cries loudly at the time of birth because of the touch of Satan''', except Mary and her child.” Then Abu Huraira recited: “And I seek refuge with You for her and for her offspring from the outcast Satan.” (3.36)}}


===Eat with the right hand because Satan eats with the left===
===Eat with the right hand because Satan eats with the left===
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Whenever the Prophet went to answer the call of nature, he used to say, "Allah-umma inni a'udhu bika minal khubuthi wal khaba'ith i.e. O Allah, I seek Refuge with You from all offensive and wicked things (evil deeds and evil spirits)."}}  
Whenever the Prophet went to answer the call of nature, he used to say, "Allah-umma inni a'udhu bika minal khubuthi wal khaba'ith i.e. O Allah, I seek Refuge with You from all offensive and wicked things (evil deeds and evil spirits)."}}  


==Islamic Heaven: "appetizing vaginas" and "ever-erect" penises==
==Heavenly Genitals==
{{Quote|Sunan Ibn Maja, Zuhd (Book of Abstinence) 39|Abu Umama narrated: "The Messenger of God said, 'Everyone that God admits into paradise will be married to 72 wives; two of them are houris and seventy of his inheritance of the [female] dwellers of hell. All of them will have libidinous sex organs and '''he will have an ever-erect penis'''.' "}}
{{Quote|Sunan Ibn Maja, Zuhd (Book of Abstinence) 39|Abu Umama narrated: "The Messenger of God said, 'Everyone that God admits into paradise will be married to 72 wives; two of them are houris and seventy of his inheritance of the [female] dwellers of hell. All of them will have libidinous sex organs and '''he will have an ever-erect penis'''.' "}}


{{Quote|Al-Itqan fi Ulum al-Qur'an, p. 351|"Each time we sleep with a Houri we find her virgin. Besides, the penis of the Elected never softens. The erection is eternal; the sensation that you feel each time you make love is utterly delicious and out of this world and were you to experience it in this world you would faint. Each chosen one [i.e. Muslim] will marry seventy [sic] houris, besides the women he married on earth, and '''all will have appetizing vaginas'''."}}
{{Quote|Al-Itqan fi Ulum al-Qur'an, p. 351|"Each time we sleep with a Houri we find her virgin. Besides, the penis of the Elected never softens. The erection is eternal; the sensation that you feel each time you make love is utterly delicious and out of this world and were you to experience it in this world you would faint. Each chosen one [i.e. Muslim] will marry seventy [sic] houris, besides the women he married on earth, and '''all will have appetizing vaginas'''."}}


==Allah punishes Muhammad for Safiyah's capture by making him fall off a camel==
{{Quote|[https://www.dorar.net/h/XjZAYkLo الموسوعة الحديثية]|- ما من أحدٍ يدخلُهُ اللَّهُ الجنَّةَ ، إلاَّ زوَّجَهُ اللَّهُ عزَّ وجلَّ ثنتينِ وسبعينَ زوجةً ثنتينِ منَ الحورِ العينِ ، وسبعينَ من ميراثِهِ من أَهلِ النَّارِ ، ما منْهنَّ واحدةٌ ، إلاَّ ولَها قبلٌ شَهيٌّ ، ولَهُ ذَكرٌ لاَ ينثني
."
الصفحة أو الرقم : 5002 {{!}} خلاصة حكم المحدث : ضعيف جداً {{!}} 
 
There is no one (no man) who enters heaven, except one to whom Allah praised and glorious marries 72 wives-- two from the [[houri]]s and seventy from his inheritance from the people of the fire, and from them there are none without an enticing kidd, and he (will) have a penis which will not soften."
 
Page 5002{{!}}Summary of hadith judgement: very weak{{!}} |}}
 
==Muhammad Falls from His Camel==


[[Safiyah]] bint Huyay was a woman that Muhammad captured and married, after killing her husband.
[[Safiyah]] bint Huyay was a woman that Muhammad captured and married, after killing her husband.
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{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|52|318}}|Narrated Anas bin Malik: '''We were in the company of the Prophet while returning from 'Usfan, and Allah's Apostle was riding his she−camel keeping Safiya bint Huyay riding behind him. His she−camel slipped and both of them fell down.''' Abu Talha jumped from his camel and said, "O Allah's Apostle! May Allah sacrifice me for you." The Prophet said, "Take care of the lady." So, Abu Talha covered his face with a garment and went to Safiya and covered her with it, and then he set right the condition of their shecamel so that both of them rode, and we were encircling Allah's Apostle like a cover. When we approached Medina, the Prophet said, "We are returning with repentance and worshipping and praising our Lord." He kept on saying this till he entered Medina.}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|52|318}}|Narrated Anas bin Malik: '''We were in the company of the Prophet while returning from 'Usfan, and Allah's Apostle was riding his she−camel keeping Safiya bint Huyay riding behind him. His she−camel slipped and both of them fell down.''' Abu Talha jumped from his camel and said, "O Allah's Apostle! May Allah sacrifice me for you." The Prophet said, "Take care of the lady." So, Abu Talha covered his face with a garment and went to Safiya and covered her with it, and then he set right the condition of their shecamel so that both of them rode, and we were encircling Allah's Apostle like a cover. When we approached Medina, the Prophet said, "We are returning with repentance and worshipping and praising our Lord." He kept on saying this till he entered Medina.}}


==Tortured in the grave for peeing on himself==
==Tortured in the grave for soiling himself==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|1|4|215}}| Narrated Ibn 'Abbas:
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|1|4|215}}| Narrated Ibn 'Abbas:


Once the Prophet, while passing through one of the grave-yards of Medina or Mecca heard the voices of '''two persons who were being tortured in their graves'''. The Prophet said, "These two persons are being tortured not for a major sin (to avoid)." The Prophet then added, "Yes! (they are being tortured for a major sin). Indeed, '''one of them never saved himself from being soiled with his urine''' while the other used to go about with calumnies (to make enmity between friends). The Prophet then asked for a green leaf of a date-palm tree, broke it into two pieces and put one on each grave. On being asked why he had done so, he replied, "I hope that their torture might be lessened, till these get dried." }}
Once the Prophet, while passing through one of the grave-yards of Medina or Mecca heard the voices of '''two persons who were being tortured in their graves'''. The Prophet said, "These two persons are being tortured not for a major sin (to avoid)." The Prophet then added, "Yes! (they are being tortured for a major sin). Indeed, '''one of them never saved himself from being soiled with his urine''' while the other used to go about with calumnies (to make enmity between friends). The Prophet then asked for a green leaf of a date-palm tree, broke it into two pieces and put one on each grave. On being asked why he had done so, he replied, "I hope that their torture might be lessened, till these get dried." }}


==Faeces radiates towards Allah==
==Where to Face While Relieving Oneself==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|1|4|215}}|  Narrated Abu Aiyub Al-Ansari:
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|1|4|215}}|  Narrated Abu Aiyub Al-Ansari:


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{{Quote|{{Muslim|28|5612}}  |  Buraida reported on the authority of his father that Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) said: He who played chess is like one who dyed his hand with the flesh and blood of swine.}}
{{Quote|{{Muslim|28|5612}}  |  Buraida reported on the authority of his father that Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) said: He who played chess is like one who dyed his hand with the flesh and blood of swine.}}


==Aminah and her vagina light==
==Muhammad's Mother Aminah Has Her Vulva Illuminated==
According to accepted sirat, Muhammad's mother had light coming out of her vagina when giving birth to him.
According to accepted [[Sira]], Muhammad's mother had light coming out of her vagina when giving birth to him.
{{Quote|sirat ibn hisham 166| When the prophet came out of his mothers vagina,  the light covered the east and the west which reached all the way to Sham (Syria today) }}
{{Quote|http://shiaonlinelibrary.com/%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%83%D8%AA%D8%A8/3044_%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B7%D8%A8%D9%82%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%83%D8%A8%D8%B1%D9%89-%D9%85%D8%AD%D9%85%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D9%86-%D8%B3%D8%B9%D8%AF-%D8%AC-%D9%A1/%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B5%D9%81%D8%AD%D8%A9_99|When I bore him a light came out of me and illuminated the castles of the Levant. }}


==Free a Muslim slave, and save your private parts==
==Saved from Hellfire for Manumission==


{{Quote| {{Bukhari|8|79|706}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:  
{{Quote| {{Bukhari|8|79|706}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:  
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The Prophet said, "If somebody manumits a Muslim slave, Allah will save from the Fire every part of his body for freeing the corresponding parts of the slave's body, even his private parts will be saved from the Fire) because of freeing the slave's private parts."}}
The Prophet said, "If somebody manumits a Muslim slave, Allah will save from the Fire every part of his body for freeing the corresponding parts of the slave's body, even his private parts will be saved from the Fire) because of freeing the slave's private parts."}}


==Don't ever raise your head==
==Raising the head during communal prayer==
The sin of raising your head before the imam is so great, your face will transform into a donkey.
The sin of raising your head before the imam is so great, your face will transform into a donkey.
{{Quote| {{Bukhari|1|11|660}}|  Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "Isn't he who raises his head before the Imam afraid that Allah may transform his head into that of a donkey or his figure (face) into that of a donkey?" }}
{{Quote| {{Bukhari|1|11|660}}|  Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "Isn't he who raises his head before the Imam afraid that Allah may transform his head into that of a donkey or his figure (face) into that of a donkey?" }}


==He pees like a woman==
==Amr ibn al-'As Urinates as a Woman==


{{Quote|{{Abudawud|1|22}}|Narrated Amr ibn al-'As:  
{{Quote|{{Abudawud|1|22}}|Narrated Amr ibn al-'As:  
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AbdurRahman ibn Hasanah reported: I and Amr ibn al-'As went to the Prophet (peace be upon him). He came out with a leather shield (in his hand). He covered himself with it and urinated. Then we said: Look at him. He is urinating as a woman does. The Prophet (peace be upon him), heard this and said: Do you not know what befell a person from amongst Banu Isra'il (the children of Israel)? When urine fell on them, they would cut off the place where the urine fell; but he (that person) forbade them (to do so), and was punished in his grave.}}
AbdurRahman ibn Hasanah reported: I and Amr ibn al-'As went to the Prophet (peace be upon him). He came out with a leather shield (in his hand). He covered himself with it and urinated. Then we said: Look at him. He is urinating as a woman does. The Prophet (peace be upon him), heard this and said: Do you not know what befell a person from amongst Banu Isra'il (the children of Israel)? When urine fell on them, they would cut off the place where the urine fell; but he (that person) forbade them (to do so), and was punished in his grave.}}


==If you disagree with the Qur'an you should go hang yourself==
==Do Not Drink Water while Standing==
 
{{Quote|{{Quran|22|15}}|Whosoever thinks that God will not
grant him victory in this world and the
Hereafter, then let him extend his
request by a mean to the heaven, then
let him cut off and see whether this
action the cause of his anger.*.}}
 
==Drunk water while standing up? Puke it out!==


{{Quote|{{Muslim|23|5022}}|Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: None of you should drink while standing; and if anyone forgets, he must vomit.}}
{{Quote|{{Muslim|23|5022}}|Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: None of you should drink while standing; and if anyone forgets, he must vomit.}}


==Two things the Prophet loves: perfume and women==
==The Prophet Loves Perfume and Women==


{{Quote|Ibn Sa'd's Kitab Tabaqat Al-Kubra, Volume 1, Page 380|Al-Hasan al-Basri wrote: “The Messenger of God said, “The only two things I cherish of the life of this world are women and perfume.}}
{{Quote|Ibn Sa'd's Kitab Tabaqat Al-Kubra, Volume 1, Page 380|Al-Hasan al-Basri wrote: “The Messenger of God said, “The only two things I cherish of the life of this world are women and perfume.}}
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{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|71|670}}|
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|71|670}}|
Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "Whoever purposely throws himself from a mountain and kills himself, will be in the (Hell) Fire falling down into it and abiding therein perpetually forever; and whoever drinks poison and kills himself with it, he will be carrying his poison in his hand and drinking it in the (Hell) Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever; and whoever kills himself with an iron weapon, will be carrying that weapon in his hand and stabbing his abdomen with it in the (Hell) Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever." }}
Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "Whoever purposely throws himself from a mountain and kills himself, will be in the (Hell) Fire falling down into it and abiding therein perpetually forever; and whoever drinks poison and kills himself with it, he will be carrying his poison in his hand and drinking it in the (Hell) Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever; and whoever kills himself with an iron weapon, will be carrying that weapon in his hand and stabbing his abdomen with it in the (Hell) Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever." }}
'''Note:''' What if the poison is delicious?


==Masturbation leads to a pregnant hand and too much sex leads to death==
==Masturbation leads to a pregnant hand and too much sex leads to death==


{{Quote|[[Harm No. 14: Leads to Masturbation|The 14 Harms Of Casting Evil Glances]]<BR>Shaikh ul Arab wal Ajam Hazrat Maulana Shah Hakeem Muhammad Akhtar Saheb|'''15. Harm No. 14: Leads to Masturbation'''<BR>. . .<BR>
{{Quote|The 14 Harms Of Casting Evil Glances<BR>Shaikh ul Arab wal Ajam Hazrat Maulana Shah Hakeem Muhammad Akhtar Saheb|'''15. Harm No. 14: Leads to Masturbation'''<BR>. . .<BR>
Just as it is unlawful and forbidden to commit sexual intercourse with a strange man or woman, it is likewise forbidden to masturbate.
Just as it is unlawful and forbidden to commit sexual intercourse with a strange man or woman, it is likewise forbidden to masturbate.


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Similarly, those people who have intercourse after long intervals of time produce strong and healthy children. Therefore, moderation is necessary in sexual relations with one's wife, otherwise '''excessive sex can even lead to death.''' My Shaikh, ''Hazrat Phoulpoori'' (رحمۃ اللہ علیہ) narrated to us the incident of an ''Alim'' who had a very beautiful wife. Whenever he would come home from running errands and would see his wife, then he would not be able to control himself. He used have so much sexual relations that after six months, instead of discharging semen, '''blood started to ejaculate from his penis'''. This eventually led to a severe fever after which he died. Beauty was the cause of his death. This is why I advise to have moderation in permissible things as well. As for the unlawful, then my advice is not to even go near ''Haraam''. May Allah Ta'ala grant us the ability to practice upon what has been said. Amen}}
Similarly, those people who have intercourse after long intervals of time produce strong and healthy children. Therefore, moderation is necessary in sexual relations with one's wife, otherwise '''excessive sex can even lead to death.''' My Shaikh, ''Hazrat Phoulpoori'' (رحمۃ اللہ علیہ) narrated to us the incident of an ''Alim'' who had a very beautiful wife. Whenever he would come home from running errands and would see his wife, then he would not be able to control himself. He used have so much sexual relations that after six months, instead of discharging semen, '''blood started to ejaculate from his penis'''. This eventually led to a severe fever after which he died. Beauty was the cause of his death. This is why I advise to have moderation in permissible things as well. As for the unlawful, then my advice is not to even go near ''Haraam''. May Allah Ta'ala grant us the ability to practice upon what has been said. Amen}}


==Muhammad the inadvertent trend-setter has a temper tantrum==
==Muhammad Did Not Like Others Copying His Fashion==


{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|72|756}}, See also: {{Muslim|24|5210}}, and {{Bukhari|7|72|755}}|Narrated Ibn. 'Umar:  
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|72|756}}, See also: {{Muslim|24|5210}}, and {{Bukhari|7|72|755}}|Narrated Ibn. 'Umar:  
Line 569: Line 547:


The Prophet said, "Gabriel said to me, 'Whoever amongst your followers die without having worshipped others besides Allah, will enter Paradise (or will not enter the (Hell) Fire)." The Prophet asked. "Even if he has committed illegal sexual intercourse or theft?" He replied, "Even then."}}
The Prophet said, "Gabriel said to me, 'Whoever amongst your followers die without having worshipped others besides Allah, will enter Paradise (or will not enter the (Hell) Fire)." The Prophet asked. "Even if he has committed illegal sexual intercourse or theft?" He replied, "Even then."}}
== Women, dogs and donkeys annual prayers ==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|1|9|493}}|Narrated `Aisha: The things which annul prayer were mentioned before me (and those were): a dog, a donkey and a woman. I said, "You have compared us (women) to donkeys and dogs. By Allah! I saw the Prophet (ﷺ) praying while I used to lie in (my) bed between him and the Qibla. Whenever I was in need of something, I disliked to sit and trouble the Prophet. So, I would slip away by the side of his feet."}}


==Prophet's sweat used as perfume==
==Prophet's sweat used as perfume==
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{{Quote|{{Bukhari|2|23|423}}, |Narrated Abu Huraira: The angel of death was sent to Moses and when he went to him, Moses slapped him severely, spoiling one of his eyes. The angel went back to his Lord, and said, "You sent me to a slave who does not want to die.".....}}
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|2|23|423}}, |Narrated Abu Huraira: The angel of death was sent to Moses and when he went to him, Moses slapped him severely, spoiling one of his eyes. The angel went back to his Lord, and said, "You sent me to a slave who does not want to die.".....}}


==Eat dirty food and lick your fingers clean to starve the devil==
==Eat food and lick your fingers clean to starve the devil==


{{Quote|{{Muslim|23|5046}}, See Also: {{Muslim|23|5049}}|Jabir reported: I heard Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) as saying: The Satan is present with any one of you in everything he does; he is present even when he eats food; so if any one of you drops a mouthful he should remove away anything filthy on it and eat it and not leave for the devil; and when he finishes (food) he should lick his fingers, for he does not know in what portion of his food the blessing lies.}}
{{Quote|{{Muslim|23|5046}}, See Also: {{Muslim|23|5049}}|Jabir reported: I heard Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) as saying: The Satan is present with any one of you in everything he does; he is present even when he eats food; so if any one of you drops a mouthful he should remove away anything filthy on it and eat it and not leave for the devil; and when he finishes (food) he should lick his fingers, for he does not know in what portion of his food the blessing lies.}}


==Famous Hadith Narrator accompanies Prophet only to get Free Meals==
==Muslim women gossip about their husbands==
[[w:Abu Hurairah|Abu Hurairah]] was one of the most famous hadith narrators. In this hadith he admins that the only reason he followed Muhammad around so much (and hence knew a lot of narrations) was only because he was poor, and that if he followed Muhammad he would always be assured of a free meal:
{{Quote|https://sunnah.com/bukhari:5189|Narrated Aisha: Eleven women sat (at a place) and promised and contracted that they would not conceal anything of the news of their husbands. The first one said, "My husband is like the meat of a lean weak camel which is kept on the top of a mountain which is neither easy to climb, nor is the meat fat, so that one might put up with the trouble of fetching it." The second one said, "I shall not relate my husband's news, for I fear that I may not be able to finish his story, for if I describe him, I will mention all his defects and bad traits." The third one said, "My husband is a tall man; if I describe him (and he hears of that) he will divorce me, and if I keep quiet, he will neither divorce me nor treat me as a wife." The fourth one said, "My husband is a moderate person like the night of Tihama which is neither hot nor cold. I am neither afraid of him, nor am I discontented with him." The fifth one said, "My husband, when entering (the house) is a leopard, and when going out, is a lion. He does not ask about whatever is in the house." The sixth one said, "If my husband eats, he eats too much (leaving the dishes empty), and if he drinks he leaves nothing, and if he sleeps he sleeps alone (away from me) covered in garments and does not stretch his hands here and there so as to know how I fare (get along)." The seventh one said, "My husband is a wrong-doer or weak and foolish. All the defects are present in him. He may injure your head or your body or may do both." The eighth one said, "My husband is soft to touch like a rabbit and smells like a Zarnab (a kind of good smelling grass)." The ninth one said, "My husband is a tall generous man wearing a long strap for carrying his sword. His ashes are abundant and his house is near to the people who would easily consult him." The tenth one said, "My husband is Malik, and what is Malik? Malik is greater than whatever I say about him. (He is beyond and above all praises which can come to my mind). Most of his camels are kept at home (ready to be slaughtered for the guests) and only a few are taken to the pastures. When the camels hear the sound of the lute (or the tambourine) they realize that they are going to be slaughtered for the guests." The eleventh one said, "My husband is Abu Zar and what is Abu Zar (i.e., what should I say about him)? He has given me many ornaments and my ears are heavily loaded with them and my arms have become fat (i.e., I have become fat). And he has pleased me, and I have become so happy that I feel proud of myself. He found me with my family who were mere owners of sheep and living in poverty, and brought me to a respected family having horses and camels and threshing and purifying grain. Whatever I say, he does not rebuke or insult me. When I sleep, I sleep till late in the morning, and when I drink water (or milk), I drink my fill. The mother of Abu Zar and what may one say in praise of the mother of Abu Zar? Her saddle bags were always full of provision and her house was spacious. As for the son of Abu Zar, what may one say of the son of Abu Zar? His bed is as narrow as an unsheathed sword and an arm of a kid (of four months) satisfies his hunger. As for the daughter of Abu Zar, she is obedient to her father and to her mother. She has a fat well-built body and that arouses the jealousy of her husband's other wife. As for the (maid) slave girl of Abu Zar, what may one say of the (maid) slavegirl of Abu Zar? She does not uncover our secrets but keeps them, and does not waste our provisions and does not leave the rubbish scattered everywhere in our house." The eleventh lady added, "One day it so happened that Abu Zar went out at the time when the milk was being milked from the animals, and he saw a woman who had two sons like two leopards playing with her two breasts. (On seeing her) he divorced me and married her. Thereafter I married a noble man who used to ride a fast tireless horse and keep a spear in his hand. He gave me many things, and also a pair of every kind of livestock and said, 'Eat (of this), O Um Zar, and give provision to your relatives." She added, "Yet, all those things which my second husband gave me could not fill the smallest utensil of Abu Zar's." 'Aisha then said: Allah's Apostle said to me, "I am to you as Abu Zar was to his wife Um Zar."}}
{{quote|{{bukhari|7|65|343}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: '''I used to accompany Allah's Apostle to fill my stomach;''' and that was when I did not eat baked bread, nor wear silk. Neither a male nor a female slave used to serve me, and I used to bind stones over my belly and ask somebody to recite a Quranic Verse for me though I knew it, so that he might take me to his house and feed me. Ja'far bin Abi Talib was very kind to the poor, and he used to take us and feed us with what ever was available in his house, (and if nothing was available), he used to give us the empty (honey or butter) skin which we would tear and lick whatever was in it.}}
 
==Allah uses eclipses to frighten true muslims==
{{quote|{{bukhari|2|18|158}}|Narrated Abu Bakr: "Allah's Apostle said: "The sun and the moon are two signs amongst the signs of Allah and they do not eclipse because of the death of someone but Allah frightens His devotees with them."}}
 
==Milk and Killing Children==
 
{{Quote|{{cite web|url=https://sunnah.com/abudawud/29/27 |title=Sunan Abu Dawud: Book 29 Hadith 27 |publisher= |author=Abu Dawud |date= |archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20160201064840/http://sunnah.com/abudawud/29/27 |deadurl=no}}|Narrated Asma', daughter of Yazid ibn as-Sakan: I heard the Messenger of Allah as saying: Do not kill your children secretly, for the milk, with which a child is suckled while his mother is pregnant, overtakes the horseman and throws him from his horse.}}
 
== Spreading and putting sheets on your chest stops you forgetting ==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|3|39|540}}|...One day the Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Whoever spreads his sheet till I finish this statement of mine and then gathers it on his chest, will never forget anything of my statement." So, I spread my covering sheet which was the only garment I had, till the Prophet (ﷺ) finished his statement and then I gathered it over my chest...}}
 
== The world ended ~1300 years ago ==
{{Quote|{{Bukhari|8|73|188}}|A bedouin came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! When will The Hour be established?" The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Wailaka (Woe to you), What have you prepared for it?" The bedouin said, "I have not prepared anything for it, except that I love Allah and his Apostle." The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "You will be with those whom you love." We (the companions of the Prophet (ﷺ) ) said, "And will we too be so? The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Yes." So we became very glad on that day. In the meantime, a slave of Al-Mughira passed by, and he was of the same age as I was. The Prophet (ﷺ) said. "If this (slave) should live long, he will not reach the geriatric old age, but the Hour will be established."}}
See also {{Muslim|41|7052}}
 
==Shia Hadith==
<!-- This section is only for Shia hadiths-->
===Adultery causes sudden deaths and the earth punishes tax evaders===
{{Quote|Safinat-ul-Bihar, vol. 2, p. 630|Imam al-Baqir, the fifth Shi'ite Imam, said that he found in the book of Amir ul Mu'mineen ‘Ali that he has said that the Holy Prophet said: "'''When adultery appears (abundantly in a society), the (number of) sudden deaths increases'''; and when there is fraud, Allah takes them in expensiveness and loss. When people stop giving alms tax, the earth holds back its blessings from plants (crops), fruits, mines, and all such things... And, when they do not perform enjoining right and forbidding wrong and also do not follow the chosen ones of my Ahl ul Bayt, Allah will set their vicious ones over them. }}


{{Core Scripture}}
===Using the bathroom, smelling sweet things, and wearing soft clothing causes one to gain weight===


==See Also==
{{Quote|{{cite book|url=https://www.al-islam.org/mizan-al-hikmah-scale-wisdom-ayatullah-muhammadi-rayshahri/bathhouse |title=Al-Khisal |publisher= |author=Ibn Babawayh |date= |archiveurl= |deadurl=no}} p. 155, no. 194.|Imam al-Sadiq said, "Three things cause weight gain and three others cause weight loss. As for those that cause weight gain, [they are] excessive use of the bathhouse, smelling sweet fragrance and wearing soft clothing. And as for those that cause weight loss, they are: eating too many eggs, fish and unripe dates."}}


*[[Islam Illustrated]]
==Famous Hadith Narrator accompanies Prophet for Food==
[[w:Abu Hurairah|Abu Hurairah]] was one of the most famous hadith narrators. In this hadith, he admits that the only reason he followed Muhammad around so much (and hence knew a lot of narrations) was because he was poor, and that if he followed Muhammad he would always be assured of a free meal:
{{quote|{{bukhari|7|65|343}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: '''I used to accompany Allah's Apostle to fill my stomach;''' and that was when I did not eat baked bread, nor wear silk. Neither a male nor a female slave used to serve me, and I used to bind stones over my belly and ask somebody to recite a Quranic Verse for me though I knew it, so that he might take me to his house and feed me. Ja'far bin Abi Talib was very kind to the poor, and he used to take us and feed us with what ever was available in his house, (and if nothing was available), he used to give us the empty (honey or butter) skin which we would tear and lick whatever was in it.}}


==External Links==
==External links==


*[{{Reference archive|1=http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2007/07/15/the_list_the_worlds_stupidest_fatwas|2=2011-04-21}} The List: The World's Stupidest Fatwas] ''- Foreign Policy, July 2007''
*[{{Reference archive|1=http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2007/07/15/the_list_the_worlds_stupidest_fatwas|2=2011-04-21}} The List: The World's Stupidest Fatwas] ''- Foreign Policy, July 2007''
[[Category:QHS]]
[[Category:QHS]]
[[Category:Humor]]
[[Category:Muhammad]]
[[Category:Muhammad]]
[[ar:القرآن_والحديث_والعلماء:_تقاليد_إسلامية_رائعة_وغريبة]]
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